Best friend turned nasty & aggressive

[Shoes19]

At drinks yday with my best friend - we've been friends for 10 years - the conversation somehow turned to politics. I said I was pleased we at least got a majority Gov. as it brings stability (which others I know have voted differently to me agree with).

My BF said in an angry voice "did you vote tory? i have lost all respect for you" . i didnt say i had but was so taken aback by her sudden nasty & angry attitude my silence revealed it. I said i guess you voted labour (her response "YES!)". I tried to explain my reasons, incl. it took me until election day to decide as i was so undecided, & i live in a really safe tory seat & doubt one vote would make a difference to the eventual result.

She wouldn't let me even say one word about why i voted the way i did to explain my position, incl. i voted tory reluctantly. I tried to explain that I didn't agree with Labour or Corbyn (the socialist policies etc. and that the IFS said Labour will bankrupt this country) and I really did not want Corybn to be PM; nor did I agree with Lib dem position on brexit (i voted remain but as a democratic accept & respect the result and want brexit done).

I remained calm (never raised my voice or got angry or nasty) & said i didn't want to fall out with her over this as she is my closest friend and she said "you're my best friend but i have lost all respect for you"in an angry voice. I said it was ridiculous that this was happening i.e. she was turning nasty on me her friend and seemed to be falling out with me, her response was in a passive aggressive tone 'it's ridiculous is it?". I said i respect the way she voted and clearly we were equal in that we didn't agree with the other's vote, and let's not ruin a good day over this.

She sat with a face like thunder & was really nasty & aggressive. Even when i said let's change the subject, she just sat there and stared straight at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I said this felt really awkward now. And I had to think of random subjects to talk about i.e. anything good you've seen on tv to which she stated a program and then added but BBC will go. Other things she said was when this country goes down & when the NHS is sold and we get a no deal Brexit that is on me. I think she may have called me a nazi (it sounded like it). I've never seen this side to her but she was really angry, nasty and passive aggressive when responding to my questions.

We are supposed to be having xmas drinks with another friend this week but 1) i am not sure i want to go 2) don't know or care how the other friend voted (i suspect labour) & don't want the two of them to become nasty to me, and 3) i don't even know whether i am her friend anymore. I have decided that if i do go & at any point she/they turn on me i will politely say I think i will call it a night and I honestly wish you both a lovely Xmas, and leave.

I am hurt by her stance towards me and some of the things she said to me, esp as she was my closest friend. And i am not sure what i should do, i would like her to apologise for how she made me feel & for turning so nasty....I don't think she will. I know I would apologise if I was her as i would not treat someone like that & would respect people's votes...this country is a democracy & people should vote how they want without receiving abuse etc. I am just taken aback at immature, nasty & aggressive attitude - we're both 36 too so adults. I have and will try and remain civil but am not sure whether this puts a dent in our relationship

Tory voters need to be aware that although they won the most seats with 43% to Labours 32%; 13m voted for Tory but 18m didn’t

And Labour got 10 million which means nearly 22m didn’t

One of my friends is Tory Brexiter and she is equally sneery towards lefties...uses the word " hates" socialism, Corbyn etc. Bit odd as she's a poor single mum but hey ho.
I am currently avoiding her as i cannot put up with the inevitable crowing and sneering. It means we are not so close any more.

@Oliversmumsarmy
My comment wasn’t Tory/Labour, it’s to point out a huge amount of people did not vote Tory therefore Tory supporters will face opposing views.
I’m SNP so not posting in support of Con/Lab

She was quite rude, but I understand her shock that a close friend was a secret Tory

The OP is not a secret Tory at all. She had a difficult choice and voted Tory at the very last minute because she, like very many other people, could not waste her vote on Corbyn or Swinson.

@Binting - that’s exactly the position I found myself in. Hence it took me so long to decide, even having read each parties positions and policies. I have voted labour and lib dem in the past. I couldn’t vote for a party whose leader has links to terrorists and whose position I didn’t really agree with. I voted remain in the EU referendum but accept the will of the people, even if it is not my own view, and I couldn’t vote for Lib Dem as a result. In the end I voted Tory because I like my local MP and he’s been good for my constituency, and has also helped my family. It was a really difficult choice but I don’t agree (this is my position and I’m not judging anyone who decides otherwise) with spoiling my ballot paper given that I can vote in this country (there’s countries where people don’t get that right), and because women fought so hard to allow me to vote.

I knew my friend and I would have different positions from brief conversations we’ve had, prior to the election, where I’ve been clear on my view of Corybn, so I avoided the conversation until it somehow came up. However I wasn’t given the chance to explain my reasons for voting for Tory. My family has also struggled under a Tory government but I genuinely felt Tories were better for the economy. I guess I didn’t expect the reaction I got where I was just shot down without being given a chance to explain. I didn’t expect the nasty and aggressive attitude I received. I guess I thought as we are/were friends she’d allow me to explain. And to be told that she’s lost all respect for me was really hurtful and stung, because I expect that and I don’t care that she voted labour.

I have no problem with my friends voting differently to me. I’d try to understand why they voted the way they did, without judging, but ultimately would accept their decision, as I understand it’s the right one for them. And my belief is people should be free to vote whatever way they see best without receiving abuse etc.

Sorry I meant I didn’t expect her to say “I’ve lost all respect for you” and I really don’t care if she voted in a different way to me. I know people will have different views to me and I think that’s not bad because it allows me to see a different perspective, even if I don’t necessarily agree with it myself.

Not the main point but it’s not the case that the EU referendum showed the “will of the people”: details of what leaving would entail were not available and lies were told by the leave campaign. It’s not inherently more democratic to want to leave than to want to seek to remain in the EU.

Labour has turned from a political party into a cult where anyone who doesn’t conform to the cults thoughts is not to be associated with.

Exactly - the cult’s intolerance is deeply disgusting.

The fact is that the Conservatives just won a higher share of the vote than Tony Blair did in his 1997 landslide, and the highest share won by any party since 1979 - 40 years ago!

You make sure to tell your arsey friend that if she keeps haranguing you, OP!

malfoylovespotter Sun 15-Dec-19 09:46:41
I don't blame her.

I'd never knowingly be friends with a Tory.

So you could be friends with someone who hasn't told you that they are a Tory supporter? , You do realise that makes no sense , don't you?

Politics can bring out the worst in people. I’m glad we have a majority government (finally) - even though I didn’t vote Tory and didn’t want Brexit. Unfair of her to assume who you voted for

I'm with your mate. I'm not a Labour voter, either.

I think your friend was unnecessarily rude and aggressive. She should not have responded to you in that way.

I completely understand her disappointment in discovering that you had voted Tory and I understand why this would cause her to lose respect for you. However, she should have kept quiet and responded calmly, then distanced herself from the friendship afterwards with a brief, factual explanation of why.

I once asked my grandmother how she voted, she got quite cross and told me it was between the ballot box and her conscience; and that I should never ever ask that question of anybody, as it can break families and destroy friendships.
To this day I have never asked and only ever talk of politics in the vaguest of ways.
Having seen how some people have reacted to politics in the past 3 years, perhaps it's a rule we should all follow.

It's easy enough to say it is impolite to talk politics and that politics should not come into personal relationships but people should talk politics. If people are happy to vote for austerity, BREXIT, the privatization of the NHS they should have to explain themselves. A huge number of children will spend their childhoods in poverty. That alone if you really think about it is unbearable. The suicide rate will continue to increase, people with cancer will spend so long on waiting lists it will be too late for them by the time they are diagnosed. It's not a case of voting for a local figurehead to lead the major's parade. We just voted to look after the vulnerable or to continue to fuck them and those who chose to fuck them are culpable.

I didn’t vote Tory.

But there’s an immaturity and intolerance on this thread that makes me wonder if the sixth form colleges have broken up early. Actually, that’s rude to sixth-formers, so scrap that.

Exactly - the cult’s intolerance is deeply disgusting.

Hilarious.

Because the Tory supporting scumbag press is just so tolerant and fair?

They represent the very definition of cult.

You have to be brainwashed to have a proposed leader who is a serial adulterer, awards grant money to women he sleeps with, faffs up another woman's criminal appeal, uses dog whistle racism, procures millions of pounds worth of investment in projects which don't appear, doesn't stick by his word, deceives the Queen etc etc.....yet blindly look past all that because of some sort of 'faith' and actually vote for him.

The very definition of 'brainwashed' and cult like.

JKScot4 my point was that there were even less Labour voters but on this thread and other threads and in rl calling Conservative voters evil, scum, and worse far out number the posts denigrating Labour supporters.

I am nearly 60 and in all my life I have never seen elections and referendums where the losers have started to riot in the streets and the bad mouthing of the winners.

It is quite frightening

However I wasn’t given the chance to explain my reasons for voting for Tory

Your friend wasn’t interested.

See my comments of Labour being now a cult where if you are not with them then you are to be denigrated and Labour voters can’t be friends with people who vote Conservative

Some of the comments on this thread are quite incredible. The totalitarian, self righteous left wing and their inability to handle people who dare to have a different political opinion. After being decimated in the North, where constituencies that had voted Labour for a hundred years turned Conservative, one would have thought Labour voters would be in reflective mood. But this thread is radioactive with intolerance. OP, she isn’t a friend. She’s a bigoted ideologue.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook

If that’s your attitude, then you’ll be out of power for a very long time.

Next time say, 'Do you want a Trump? Because this is how you get a Trump'.
She sounds awful, OP.

You're right there, I will. Not Labour necessarily, but anyone decent.

Because people keep voting for indecent politicians for reasons I will never understand.

Question: Do think about the precedent you set for your children's future politicians and future government when you knowingly vote for someone who is so immoral?

You just told Boris and Co that you can be a liar and a cheat and squander public funds on your friends with no accountability. Future candidates take note.

I guess you'll be one those people who starts bleating on about how your children deserve a better, safer world as well.

We get the politicians we deserve.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook

Since Corbyn won’t be able to tax the living shite out of me and crash the economy, my children will have much better lives than they would have had under him! Compared to that, Boris’ peccadilloes are literally irrelevant to me.

my children will have much better lives than they would have had under him! Compared to that, Boris’ peccadilloes are literally irrelevant to me.

I appreciate your honesty. Tin hat mentality. Goes some way to explaining the shit show we're in for at least I guess.

Last question: If the NHS gets put on the table, or increasingly under funded (and you voted for a man known to go back on his pledges so there's no guarantee it won't in some form or other) you have complete comprehensive private insurance for your children should they or you as their provider get ill right?

Well I guess it beats paying a bit more tax.

If you said you were 'glad' the Tories won, to someone who perhaps has more reason than you to be afraid of Johnson and his crew (maybe she or someone close to her is poor, chronically ill, not white or not a British citizen, for instance, or works in education or the NHS) it's not that surprising she was angry and upset.

Of course we have private insurance. But since it’s in Boris’ interest to neutralise Labour attacks and keep his new seats by funding the NHS, that’s exactly what I think he will do.

Not because I trust his honesty, but his self-interest - which we Tories know is a much more powerful force.