Best friend turned nasty & aggressive

[Shoes19]

At drinks yday with my best friend - we've been friends for 10 years - the conversation somehow turned to politics. I said I was pleased we at least got a majority Gov. as it brings stability (which others I know have voted differently to me agree with).

My BF said in an angry voice "did you vote tory? i have lost all respect for you" . i didnt say i had but was so taken aback by her sudden nasty & angry attitude my silence revealed it. I said i guess you voted labour (her response "YES!)". I tried to explain my reasons, incl. it took me until election day to decide as i was so undecided, & i live in a really safe tory seat & doubt one vote would make a difference to the eventual result.

She wouldn't let me even say one word about why i voted the way i did to explain my position, incl. i voted tory reluctantly. I tried to explain that I didn't agree with Labour or Corbyn (the socialist policies etc. and that the IFS said Labour will bankrupt this country) and I really did not want Corybn to be PM; nor did I agree with Lib dem position on brexit (i voted remain but as a democratic accept & respect the result and want brexit done).

I remained calm (never raised my voice or got angry or nasty) & said i didn't want to fall out with her over this as she is my closest friend and she said "you're my best friend but i have lost all respect for you"in an angry voice. I said it was ridiculous that this was happening i.e. she was turning nasty on me her friend and seemed to be falling out with me, her response was in a passive aggressive tone 'it's ridiculous is it?". I said i respect the way she voted and clearly we were equal in that we didn't agree with the other's vote, and let's not ruin a good day over this.

She sat with a face like thunder & was really nasty & aggressive. Even when i said let's change the subject, she just sat there and stared straight at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I said this felt really awkward now. And I had to think of random subjects to talk about i.e. anything good you've seen on tv to which she stated a program and then added but BBC will go. Other things she said was when this country goes down & when the NHS is sold and we get a no deal Brexit that is on me. I think she may have called me a nazi (it sounded like it). I've never seen this side to her but she was really angry, nasty and passive aggressive when responding to my questions.

We are supposed to be having xmas drinks with another friend this week but 1) i am not sure i want to go 2) don't know or care how the other friend voted (i suspect labour) & don't want the two of them to become nasty to me, and 3) i don't even know whether i am her friend anymore. I have decided that if i do go & at any point she/they turn on me i will politely say I think i will call it a night and I honestly wish you both a lovely Xmas, and leave.

I am hurt by her stance towards me and some of the things she said to me, esp as she was my closest friend. And i am not sure what i should do, i would like her to apologise for how she made me feel & for turning so nasty....I don't think she will. I know I would apologise if I was her as i would not treat someone like that & would respect people's votes...this country is a democracy & people should vote how they want without receiving abuse etc. I am just taken aback at immature, nasty & aggressive attitude - we're both 36 too so adults. I have and will try and remain civil but am not sure whether this puts a dent in our relationship

Not a Tory voter. The people I am most angry with are not Tory voters, but the Corbyn/Momentum faction which has been shouting the odds for the past several months and in doing so has made Labour unelectable. With a different approach and leader I can’t believe that Labour couldn’t have had a good go at either winning the election or at least providing a strong opposition. They should be embarrassed that they have allowed Boris and his cronies to take control.

The other poster posted this version, where the comments are mostly supportive

twitter.com/77pnk/status/1205869198032998400?s=21

I’d never knowingly court close friendship with a tory, we’d have fundamentally opposing views of the world. Maybe time to accept that this friendship has run its course.

I will never understand how brexit trumps helping the most vulnerable in society instead of leaving them out to rot.

She's an immature person. An angry, immature person at that.

Everyone has their own reasons for voting for who they vote for. They have their own concerns, their own priorities, their own history and experiences that lead them to vote in a certain way.

We are not a hive mind, nor should we be.

The lack of respect for people who vote whatever way they want baffles me and exposes the immaturity of those people.

I also hate being asked how I voted. How I vote is my business based on my own priorities and beliefs. It is not something I wish to debate with someone. I do not want to justify my decision as my justifications will not mean the same to someone else. So it's pointless to defend it.

I think you did the right thing. Go along to drinks but if she's being off with you, politely leave and wish them the best.

Sidenote: I did not vote for Conservative.

You know OP you didn't loose labour this election they managed that all by themselves
I couldn't care a toss how anyone voted why would I be so presumptuous that I was right it's up to the individual
Labour are not really all that I believe they have only been in power around 13 years out of the last 50 so cant be that popular and things weren't that wonderful when they were
Corbyn promised too much and his views on Brexit lost him the election

AutumnRose1

I think that is the edited version.

The unedited version is disgusting.

Especially for someone who wants to enter the medical profession.

I think I do listen to people and I do analyse what they actually say and do take their words literally.

“I plan to work in the NHS I plan to be a doctor. I plan to care”

So we have a would be doctor wishing a horrible death on someone and telling people they might as well shoot themselves in the face.

And one day in the future she is planning to start caring.

Either this is a very unfunny spoof or that girl needs someone to tell her that being a doctor might not be on the cards now

God, I love how all the tories want to talk about their special unique personal priorities for voting that way. Yes, we know love, you only care about money, yourself and for some inexplicable reason, gEtTiNg BrEXiT dOnE.

Shoes - I bet your friend is on Mumsnet where so many people think it's acceptable to be aggressive and rude - to friends, family members, colleagues or complete strangers because they voted differently to them.

#notacult

As a PP said

She sees dreadful consequences of having this tory Government, and has jumped to the conclusion that you voted in favour of those dreadful consequences.

Quite a reasonable conclusion to jump to.

You don't have to be hard left to be anti Tory. I expect the friend's rage was about your voting for the tories rather than not voting labour.

Anyone voting Tory for the sake of the economy must have forgotten that they were trying to take us out of the EU without a deal.

Tory voters need to be aware that although they won the most seats with 43% to Labours 32%; 13m voted for Tory but 18m didn’t, so that leaves a huge number of people misrepresented and angry. The worrying thing now is Boris is planning to change the constituencies to ensure easier wins for Tories and him unchallenged as leader; dictatorship in sight.

The IFS said Labour would bankrupt the U.K.? Really ? Please could you post a link to that ?

I don't think it is about left and right it is just about 2 people who find out they have different views on something I think both would agree is important to them. I just think the friendship can't withstand the difference because at least one of them feels very strongly about it.

I know the mum if a family of 4 where none of them share what their political views are. She thinks she knows broadly what they all vote for but is not certain. I find that difficult to get my head around and seems to suggest people are afraid of reasonable debate. I personally like to understand how people different to me think and why they vote X or Y and you won't get that understanding if you yell at people.

Aw that's a shame....

You know thinking about this again i find it very sad that people say that won’t be friends if they find out they voted Tory. By saying that you only want to be friends with like minded people that is your choice, however you are showing just how unable you are to listen to anyone’s point of view but your own, that you are unable to listen to another point of view rationally and discuss what it means, that it’s your way or no way. You aren’t allowing yourself to grow in your understanding

And to me that’s just why Labour has lost, Momentum has played a big part, shouting down anyone who disagrees, just look at that a Good Morning interview. JC and his crew haven’t helped, totally misreading what their constituents want.

If Labour want to win next time they have to start listening, and so do their supporters, to want people want. Shouting, bullying, telling people they are wrong is not going to cut it. It starts at grass roots, and from the attitude of some on here, where intolerance is shown on a daily basis it’s not going to happen very soon

She was quite rude, but I understand her shock that a close friend was a secret Tory.

The level of abuse and nastiness being directed towards Conservative voters is awful; but it doesn't surprise me. The Scots on this forum will recognise it as I do - this was the kind of behaviour seen by independence supporters in Scotland pre and post referendum. It's never gone away though - it's now directed at anyone who votes Conservative and particularly Scots who do.

I voted Tory as it was the ONLY way to beat an SNP candidate in my constituency. That does not make me vile, selfish or thoughtless (just some of the comments I've seen online) but it does mean that the SNP didn't win in this constituency, unfortunately in Scotland that has to be considered as well. Labour vote has collapsed and most of their vote is now SNP thanks to their broadly socialist policies.

I just avoid the conversation now with those I know who would object.

That's the least you deserve. You're no victim.

Now now let's put our pitch forks away.
OP, you don't need to explain your vote to anyone. Just like the other people have voted you can vote for whoever you bloody want to! And you're entitled to it!
Some people need to get a grip ffs

This is all now really beginning to piss me off. All these Labour voters are attempting to command the moral high ground as being the caring party, yet willing to insult and hector anyone they perceive as thick enough to have voted differently.
Voting Tory doesn't mean you're willing to let babies and kittens die in the street. Perhaps it just means that you think that actually, Tory policies have a better chance of creating an economy that can generate enough money to support those in poverty better. Free broadband and train tickets don't cut it for me.

I’m sorry your friend has been so rude. These are worrying times and a lot of remainers are terrified of the consequences of brexit. I have always supported labour but Jeremy Corbyns spendthrift policies versus brexit has been like having to choose between the devil and the deep blue sea! Anyone who can’t see the flaws in both Boris and Corbyn is part of the problem, and your friend is just as brainwashed as anyone else. Don’t talk to her until she apologises!

She was rude, but I can understand her reaction tbh. And I say that as someone who has voted Tory in the past, so I'm not anti-Tory in general. But anyone who voted for them in this election has fucked over this country for years to come. Our economy will be damaged - even the Brexiteers suggest it could take fifty years to see benefits. Our young people and workers will have fewer opportunities to study and work abroad. There is a fair likelihood this will lead to the break up of the Union.

Sorry but I'm with your friend....

It goes both ways, just this morning a supposed friend shared derogatory posts about Diane Abbott, I commented it wasn’t nice to see women demeaning each other, got told I was butt hurt labour lost (i’m an snp voter) and to get lost and unfriend her.
Very hurtful from someone I thought was kind & decent.

*ex-friend

I'm guessing you've never been homeless, reliant on the NHS or Disabled. I am/have been all 3.

Hang your head in shame - my personal opinion

OP, the worst thing about the last three years is the toxic nature of politics. As a bit of a leftie I’d have few friends and family left if I reacted.

I realise you didn’t get the opportunity to explain yourself but my understanding of the IFS was they were critical of both parties.

I wonder why this didn’t influence you?

much of Labour’s vision is of a state not so dissimilar to those seen in many other successful Western European economies (IFS) and you didn’t notice this,

Should they win this time it is highly likely that the Conservatives would end up spending more than their manifesto implies and thus taxing or borrowing more