Continuing Non-Denominational Support for StarnStripes in her new life

[Portofino]

You can be strong!

There is absolutely no way that they should avoid solicitors! This is exactly the kind of thing that people that are afraid of being exposed say.

I don't think he should have the children this weekend. I think that he should have supervised contact at a neutral venue with a third party present. But not this weekend.

The other comments from him deserve equally shirty replies but I'm sure others will give excellent support.

This man is an utter shit.

Stars you're brilliant.

You choose to use a solictor; he can choose not to, it's not your problem.

You informed the school already if I remember correctly, so they'll have informed the LEA anyway so no problems there.

Tax credits; pain but you can sort it out.

Kids, probably best not yet.

Food - he can eat what he wants.

Glad you're seeing the solicitor. Don't worry about the old twat; he's just trying to scare you but he can only do it at a distance. Ignore it; you know what needs to be organised so carry on.

Are you dancing around the kitchen with loud music on?

I'm so looking forward to hearing from you Stars!

Dread - thank you for the updates. I agree with you - he is trying to show the world (and probably Stars at the moment) that he is entirely 'reasonable'. Run out of food? I thought he had the weekend to sort that out anyway? At least he can get food that he deigns to like/eat this way. Have them to stay at the weekend? When was the last time that he cared for both of them for a whole day at the weekend (apart from the wedding of course - but he didn't have to do 'normal' things with them, wouldn't have had to sort meals out and there were plenty of other people to help to look after them then too) Why should it be any different now?

Have followed stars journey, losely, from the start...
just to send some un-mumsnetty (((((hugs))))) to you !!!!!!!!!

He will want to avoid solicitors because he won't want all his shitty behaviour to be known about.
What a twunt ringing the lea, stopping the tax credits etc etc.
he is still using bullying tactics - by stopping the tax credits he is still trying to exert financial control. I wouldn't bank on getting anything from him

Popcorn maker in the post.

I realised as the postie took it from me that I never thought to check and make sure it works so I could be a bit in a few days! [fingers crossed emoticon]

Stars / Dread. Please do email me if I can be of any help with the schools/LA side of things. I think you've both still got my email addy, or I'm checking back here every day, too.

Don't let him have them this weekend Stars.

C x

Sorry for double post.

Just googled family contact centres and it came up with this (you've probably already found out about these, but just in case). I would look at using one of these in the first instance before letting him be alone with them. He won't return them home to you easily Stars. He just won't.

www.naccc.org.uk/cms2/index.php?option=com_simplefaq&Itemid=138

1. Stars - there is no "we" anymore

1. Don't worry about this. Attendance is presumably usually good and if you've already explained to the school/LEA, they shouldn't get too involved, especially if DCs are already enrolled at the news school.

1. Bummer, but you should at least have a lump sum to look forward to when it's sorted out.

1. Not only is it too soon for the DCs, but you need to be reasonably satisfied that DCs are safe with him and (after trying it on with the "talking in the car" trick) are not going to be used to blackmail you into returning, which won't be for many weekends to come, either.

1. CSA!

Bit late for him to be bidding for "husband/father of the year" now

@ that long promised popcorn maker being sent off! Hope you enjoy it

sorry but I just have to

at him thinking that 'leaving him without any food in the house' is somehow up there with worrying if his children are having their education interrupted.

Its like even now when the chips are down its still all about HIM.

Have just caught up with the thread, having been trying to sort out an impending (hopeful) house move.

Just wanted to say congrats to you stars, well done on your new place.

I am amazed at the support that Mnetters have offered, I am still relatively new to mn and am thrilled to find an online group that are so supportive. I would like to add any help I can, although the practical side of things seems to be well covered. Will keep you and your DCs in my prayers.

Please now keep strong, stay calm in the face of his tactics, and as previous posters advise, make sure you get advice on hoops that need to be jumoed through in the right order. Don't give him any ammunition.

All the best Stars, please keep us updated, I will be here for as long as you need.

What a selfish git! Don't let it get to you Stars, he isn't your responsibility any more. He never was! Let him rant and whine and sulk, you've moved on and up. I hope you're online soon, I can't wait to hear from you!

BTW Dread I know you haven't been well, hope you're all better now - just wondering if you got my email last week - don't worry about a reply yet if you're busy, just making sure it arrived!

I think that you are spot on to be worried too, Dread. Thankfully stars is so strong now (and has such a strong friend in you) that she needn't feel pressured into doing anything she doesn't want to.

One thought - how is he contacting her? I would suggest that he's told only to contact her via her solicitor by letter/email - that way everything he says will be on record. If I were stars, I'd be refusing point blank to talk directly to him, even on the phone.

Also, can she ask her solicitor to contact the LEA to inform them of the circumstances surrounding the children's removal from school, so that she doesn't need to fret about that?

Stars - hopefully you'll have t'interweb back soon, and will be able to see how proud we all are of you and what you've achieved. You really are a star!!

{{{{hugs}}}}

Of course he doesn't want solicitors involved- he wants to negotiate an agreement with you in his usual way- by bullying you into doing what's best for him and worst for you. I hope you get a real shark of a solicitor, s female shark preferably! He'll hate that.
I would be very careful about him having kids unsupervised as he can't be trusted. He'll also bad mouth you to them no doubt, whereas if he's having supervised access he won't be bale to. Good luck with it all; stay strong.

please definitely don't let him take the kids unsupervised.
after that "let's ALL talk in the car" trick i wouldn't trust him for one second.
i mean, if he had reasonable motives and really wanted to talk, why did he want the kids in the car?
you can use that one incident to clearly justify why you do not want them alone with him. anyone dealing with these situations knows that was a trick.

take care stars, looking forward to hearing from you.

So much good advice on this thread.

Watch out for 'supervised access' though. If badly supervised, I've seen parents just walk out with the children anyway, or use it as an excuse to follow the other parent back to their home again.

I hope you're on-line by now stars!

Hi everyone,am back.

Just a quick message to say everything is falling into place and will post more later after the children are in bed.

Thanks for all the messages and support,great to come back to.

yay,
really fantastic to hear from you

Can't wait to hear how it's all going. really happy for you.

Great to have you back, and even just in that short post, you sound so confident and in control - just brilliant to hear.

Looking forward to more later.

Woo-hoo! Go stars!!!
Fab to see you back.
Can't wait for your update.

You should be so proud of yourself. xxxx

Yippee!! Nice to 'see' you back stars.

Glad you got your internet back.

Looking forward to an update. And pleased that you are sounding so much stronger.

Hello Stars
lovely to hear from you
Hope all is well and that you and the dcs are settling in well

Great to hear from you Stars.