Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Continuing Non-Denominational Support for StarnStripes in her new life

519 replies

Portofino · 23/05/2009 10:32

You can be strong!

OP posts:
Dalrymps · 03/06/2009 20:24

Woo hoo! Great to hear from you stars . Hope you're having a lovely sunny day! Looking forward to hearing all about your new life!

norksinmywaistband · 03/06/2009 20:26

Glad you got online as planned and all is going well.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 03/06/2009 20:54

Welcome back Stars

What amazing things you have achieved.

Look forward to hearing from you later.

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 03/06/2009 21:43

Great to hear from you again, Stars, and great to hear you sounding so together. You sound like a new woman already. It just goes to show who what was bringing you down!!

Rialentless · 03/06/2009 22:13

hey stars, glad it's all falling into place and you're getting you time to shine.

starsnstripes · 03/06/2009 22:49

Hello.

Not sure where to start.
Am really enjoying being in the new house and have settled in really well as have the children.
Won't pretend it is easy and dealing with the children day to day on top of the constant phone calls and appointments to get finances orgainised has been tough.
Also H has started to ring more often and is still trying to control me and question my every move.
I have a feeling that it will get a lot harder as far as H is concerned in the coming days.
He is only just expecting that this move is permanant and tonight I have turned my phone off as can't deal with it right now.
Still getting the deadly stares and the authoritive tone to his voice.

On the positive side have appointments with schools tomorrow for the children and hopefully they will get back to school soon.
Am enjoying my space in the evenings and playing music and just chilling out.
My family have been great support and are visiting often and bringing supplies to help me out.
Also dread has been amazing as usual accompaning me to appointments and keeping me orgainised.
Which I need right now as my head is all over the place.

Did I do the right thing?

Without a shadow of a doubt.

girlandboy · 03/06/2009 22:53

Well done.

And so nice to hear from you again. We have all been rooting for you.

Glad to hear that the dc's are settling in well. A shame that H keeps pestering you with phone calls. Does he know where you are?

Ooooooooooh, just so pleased for you.

Nyx · 03/06/2009 22:56

Oh well done Stars! I'm so pleased for you that you're in your new place and you and the kids are settling in. You've done the right thing in turning your phone off. You're working hard and getting your finances etc all sorted and you're doing well. Still thinking about you and wish you all the best in your new life!

I hope h (not even giving him a capital letter) goes and boils his head. You're a star (your name is appropriate!)

mistlethrush · 03/06/2009 23:01

Stars - it sounds as though you should get a new phone and not tell dh the number.

He should not be phoning you all the time.

Please don't feel you have to 'put up' with his behaviour still - good for you for turning the phone off.

So glad to hear things are going well - and you sound very positive.

xxxx to you and your two dcs

GypsyMoth · 03/06/2009 23:02

Told you you could do it stars!!!

So very very pleased for you. You need to set a precedence as far as ex is concerned.......he'll push the boundaries, but stand firm. I remember it was a tough time dealing with this after our split. Can you not arrange third party handovers for his contact with the kids?

demolitionduo · 03/06/2009 23:04

I am an MN virgin, but I've been lurking for many weeks & following your quite amazing story.

The transformation in your tone & the quite obvious building of strength as weeks have gone by is astounding.

I wish you & your DC's every happiness in your new lives. It certainly sounds like life has begun for you.

dittany · 03/06/2009 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thederkinsdame · 03/06/2009 23:19

Stars, you are doing brilliantly. I know things are hard just now , but you sound so confident and self-assured. You are a different person from the poster we met at the start of your journey. When the kids are back in school, things will start aalling into place. Keep in touch wioth WA, too, as if XP is being ultra-arsey, I'm sur they will advise you on your next move.

Dread, I know it's been said before, but you are a true friend and a real star. Your friendship is a lovely thing to have come out of this, too.

starsnstripes · 03/06/2009 23:26

Sorry just been catching up on paperwork.

Must say a big thank you to everyone for your continued support and to Barnmummy who sent me a lovely vase of fresh flowers,I had a few tears when they arrived.

Am feeling a bit brain dead tonight so will update more tomorrow.

Have just checked my phone and he has left 5 messages asking me to call him and telling me he is going to the CAB tomorrow for advice and if I don't contact him he will have no choice but to take further action concerning the children.

Just going to ignore him for tonight and see the solicitor on friday on my next course of action.
He does know where I live now and has taken the chidren out for dinner tonight and wants to have them at the weekend.
Really need to get firm plans in place from the solicitor and go from there.

Flibbertyjibbet · 03/06/2009 23:46

Well hellooooo!

You've now joined that very exclusive club of ladies who can say to another lady 'get out, leave him, go to womens aid, I did it and you will have no regrets, see a solicitor, just pack a bag and go' etc etc

It doesn't surprise me at all that he is leaving threats and I have to smile a wry snigger at HIM saying he is going to CAB! What for? To tell them his wife has left him and he doesn't want to pay any maintenance? To say that his wife left with the children and how can he force her to come back?

Really you have nothing to worry about regarding the children. How would he look after them working full time and going to the pub straight after work? Whilst I am sure he loves them and is missing them, I think he only wants them back living with him because that means you will come and live there with them too.

I am however a bit concerned that he still has your phone number and knows where you live... I've been on the receiving end of the turning up causing scenes and putting me in fear of what an ex might do - and I didn't even have children.

Hope you are chilling out tonight and you are doing brilliantly - for someone who told us you are agoraphobic and prone to panic attacks your current situation is nothing short of miraculous.

theDreadPirateRoberts · 04/06/2009 03:16

Oh flibberty i heart you :-)

mistlethrush · 04/06/2009 09:04

Hi Stars!

Have you thought what you want to ask the solicitor on Friday and what you want to tell them? It might be helpful to have a list of bullet points for this sort of meeting - and if necessary, just hand the list over.

How are issues with schools progressing - have you found a nice one nearby that will help?

Its a bit late him going to CAB isn't it. And he can hardly argue that you are not giving him access if he is taking the children out to dinner etc so early on. I would still be very cautious about the weekend though. Perhaps your solicitor might be able to help you work out what will be the best option here.

I hope that you are also taking a bit of time for yourself - and playing lots of music and dancing around the house with the children!

Stayingsunnygirl · 04/06/2009 09:21

Stars, I have a friend who had unpleasant/difficult calls from her ex after they split, so she did what others have suggested here - got a new phone for herself, that all her friends/contacts got the new number for, and her ex only knows the old number, so she can turn that phone off and ignore him.

Actually, it might be even easier just to get a new sim card - I know that vodaphone will do a new sim for £5, and I imagine other providers would do something similar, especially if you explained why you needed it. Then you could store all your current contacts (except H) on the phone, so you wouldn't have to enter them all again and send them all a quick text with the new number. Then if you need to talk to H you can just put the old sim back in the phone.

I would also suggest most strongly that you get your solicitor to tell him to stop ringing you and hassling you, and that he should only contact you via your solicitor. Get her to tell him that, until his attitude towards you improves, you will be turning off your phone and deleting any messages without reading/listening to them.

But the most important thing is huge congratulations to you for what you have achieved and how far you have come. My whole family has been waiting to hear the good news, and we are all so proud of you. The dses have found some dvds for your children, if you'd like them - Garfield 2 and Madagascar (and I think there might be others too).

Huge hugs love!

Portofino · 04/06/2009 09:44

Lovely to hear from you Stars! Glad that you and the DCs are settling into you new home!

It does worry me a bit that he knows where you live. I guess he is probably still hopeful that you will see the "error of your ways" and is responding more or less calmly - though is obviously still using bullying tactics. Hopefully your solicitor/WA will be able to give you some good advice on how to move forward.

OP posts:
bunnyrabbit · 04/06/2009 09:52

"Did I do the right thing?

Without a shadow of a doubt. "

Stars, I've been following your journey thorugh all the various hidden and unhidden threads, and this is what I've been waiting to hear.

So very pleased for you and your children in starting your new life and in awe of the strength of character and fortitude you have shown.

Congratulations

BR

coolkat · 04/06/2009 09:59

Star, another follower and that sentance did I do the right thing

Without shadow of a doubt- has made me smile so much.

Well done you. Keep strong, keep looking forward. It sounds like you have made a true friend in Deadpirate. I must say you have made my day.

Also well done all you other ladies that have offered so much support and advice. Mumsnet at its best. X

DesperateHousewifeToo · 04/06/2009 10:02

Can you save his threatening messages or will your phone delete them after a while?

Can these things be downloaded somehow? They might be useful to keep.

I agree with getting another safe phone that you can answer without worrying about having to listen to him.

You'll not want to switch your phone off during the day when the children are at school and he might cotton on to that.

melbournevictoriaaustralia · 04/06/2009 10:40

Well done Stars in beginning chapter 1 of your new life! I too, like so many others on this thread am in awe of you!

You are doing brilliantly. Keep going as you are, day to day, drawing upon that inner strength you have found inside you. Have no doubt, you will manage to sort all these issues out in next few weeks with help from family, MN and of course DP. In a few months time, when things are more settled, you will be so proud of yourself for making it through these early more difficult days.

Keep breathing through the tough moments and remember the saying "this too shall pass"

Just a thought with the phone. Does anyone know should Stars keep any of h's messages as evidence of his harrassment/bullying type behaviour?

BarnMummy · 04/06/2009 11:23

Glad you liked the flowers

I too am baffled as to what H thinks he is going to achieve by going to CAB. From past history I suppose he might try to claim unreasonable behaviour on your part (despite the fact that your actions are unarguably completely reasonable).

To counter that possibility it might be helpful to speak to the solicitor about getting signed statements from pub landlords, taxi drivers etc about his consistent alcohol abuse so that you are ready to combat that.

I am so proud of what you have achieved - my whole family is still cheering for you...

PMSLBrokeMN · 04/06/2009 11:47

Stars! Good to hear from YOU! You sound strong, positive and above all happy! Hope all that power IS going to your head!

This is how I would feel - You have the power now. He does things on Your terms, as relayed to him via solicitors. He has no-one to blame but himself, because la-la-la-you're not listening any more. So what if he goes and whinges and whines to the CAB, or anyone else daft enough to give him the time of day? You've absolutely done the right thing for You and Your family.

Stay strong, and keep shaking those pompoms!!