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Original poster

Continuing Non-Denominational Support for StarnStripes in her new life

519 replies

Portofino · 23/05/2009 10:32

You can be strong!

OP posts:
purplesponge · 27/05/2009 22:59

Fabulous news Stars, thank you Dread for the updates, I can't believe it's all happened so quickly! And what good fortune that XH has buggered off for a bit, gone to lick his wounds with mummy and daddy no doubt, but he's out of your hair for a few days which is great.

I hope the kids are loving their new home, it must be lovely for them to be living in a peaceful environment at last. I expect they have lots of questions about what's going on but without your XH constantly chipping away at you I bet your head feels clearer already.

PMSLBrokeMN · 27/05/2009 23:08

Dread, can either deliver the steamer to you or direct to Stars - Cazzaben where are you, do you want me to collect the coffee machine if you're in a 50 or so mile range of South Suffolk?

allthetwinklystars · 27/05/2009 23:43

Well done Stars - you've done it, the way you wanted to. I wish you every happiness in your new home and new life.

Cazzaben · 28/05/2009 00:48

yeah yeah dont worry dread I knew what you meant!!!

cheltenhamgal · 28/05/2009 11:31

WOW I am so pleased for you Stars, it really put a smile on my face when I caught up just now with the thread. And thanks Dread for updating us
I too may have some dvds which my dd has outgrown, how old is Stars dd again or even some reading books which I dont mind posting I shall email you Dread xx

Pennies · 28/05/2009 14:30

DP - have emailed you as I have a food processor that Stars might like.

amidaiwish · 28/05/2009 14:38

dread, how old are stars dcs? if she is short of anything (clothes, toys, books, jigsaws etc...) for girls under 5 i can help out.

girlandboy · 28/05/2009 19:24

So pleased for you Stars.

I've been away for a few days so I am really pleased to come back and find out you've got yourself a place.

We will wait to hear the details.

Best wishes to you and your children.

Jux · 28/05/2009 21:25

Hope all's going well Stars. Does it feel strange? How's ds taking it?

You may feel a bit lonely at first, but don't let that tempt you to go back to dh.

Best of best wishes.

theDreadPirateRoberts · 28/05/2009 21:36

I have writer's cramp. I've just been copying down all the offers I've been emailed, so I can go through them with Stars over the weekend...

Blimey you're a nice lot...

And apologies if you're waiting for a reply - I will be coming back to you once I have authorisation

In other news - Saw Stars briefly today. She's settling in to the point of having her niece over for the first sleepover in the new house (and prob ever - can't see H putting up with that sort of malarkey in her previous life).

H didn't go to see his family, as his car's broken down. He's told Stars to tell him what she wants to do, and he'll agree (ie about kids etc). But also giving her specific times to phone him, when convenient to him. He knows that she's moved, as heard kids say while on phone, and insists that she tell him where (she hasn't yet).

Oh wise and wonderful MN - what do you make of it? A probably scrambled digest, as couldn't talk to Stars for long, and we both had kids shouting in our ears at the time...

cheltenhamgal · 28/05/2009 21:43

well I might be a little bit too cynical but he seems to be a little too nice at present ? especially after all the threats earlier. IME a person cant just change like that especially where alcohol is concerned.
I would be wondering what he would come out with next

LobstersLass · 28/05/2009 21:45

Sounds like husband realises Stars has the upper hand - possibly for the first time ever.
There is absolutely no way that she should tell him her address. He must not have this information.

I am delighted for her!!!

Jux · 28/05/2009 21:50

Sounds to me like he's on best behaviour; but best behaviour doesn't last. If she tells him where she is he's going to turn up on the doorstep and when he can't persuade her to go home with him - maybe not the first time, or the second, but some time - he'll come over all bullying and probably hit her.

Horton · 28/05/2009 21:51

I am delighted, too! Oh do tell Stars how proud we all are of her, please, Dread. I know you will anyway. And definitely keep her location a secret. Is she seeing a solicitor soon?

Longtalljosie · 29/05/2009 08:27

Well, once she tells him where she lives she can't un-tell him. So I'd advise she keeps schtum for a few months at least. I'm remembering the car...

It might be worth seeing a solicitor, just to ensure she doesn't end up liable for rent on her old place, if nothing else...

She could also set up a PO Box address?

singalongamumum · 29/05/2009 09:54

I think it's a good idea to play safe for now, until she's had a solicitor's advice. Is it possible he's playing nice to make himself look good in a divorce court in order to get more access to the children? He must realise that he is vulnerable to having supervised access only and has probably had a load of advice from his family.

I reckon Stars needs to play the same game, really- keep arrangements clear and open, provide regular access to the children, but try to avoid telling him where they are for as long as possible. I can't see why he needs to know as long as he has a contact number for them in case of emergency.

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 29/05/2009 11:23

Oh I've only just seen the news!

(Been off doing unimportant things like having a baby )

That is such fantastic news Stars You're FREE!

Please don't tell him where you are, it's an unnecessary risk. You will never have to be his verbal punch-bag ever again.

I am so pleased for you and your children - you have made such a difficult decision and protected yourself and your DCs. What a great mum you are

ataraxis · 29/05/2009 12:02

Definitely agree she shouldn't tell him where she lives. Are the DCs likely to be able to give him that info (not sure how old they are), if so (no answers on this one, sorry), how should it be broached with them (or will there be someone there to interrupt them if they do start to tell him). Just thinking that if Stars won't tell him, he will start to look for other routes to find out.

at only phoning at times convenient to him. Still trying to keep some control then...

Am I the only one who is at his car breaking down at this precise point in time?

Stars, please keep strong, you are doing wonderfully

NotPlayingAnyMore · 29/05/2009 12:09

No "yet" about it: she mustn't tell him, ever.

Stars, I remember someone saying (maybe in the last thread) that the time immediately after leaving is one of the most dangerous. Remember what happened when you told him where you were going first time around.
It should be given on a need to know basis only and he doesn't need to know.

You should be careful who you tell in case it gets back to him. If you have joint permission to discuss something - such as a benefit or tax credit claim - make sure it's been revoked if it hasn't already as unfortunately often some people who deal with them aren't fully aware of which information they should and shouldn't be giving out.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 29/05/2009 16:28

I agree with NotPlayingAnymore - don't tell him ever...

madrose · 29/05/2009 16:44

Well done stars you are a superstar

mooki · 29/05/2009 21:02

Just wanted to come on and say 'Woo' and 'Yay' and do a little dance for the fantastic move you've made, Stars.

Stay strong, you've taken a massive step forward but we're all still here cos we know there may be hard bits still to come.

SammyK · 30/05/2009 09:42

Just checking in, so please to hear you are settling in and enjoying some company in your new place.

For now (and maybe forever) I wouldn't tell him your address he doesn't need to know it does he!! Even for seeing the kids he doesn't need your address. That's if he sees the kids. In your situation I would request upervised contact if anything at a family mediation centre.

You are doing so brilliantly stars! Amazing.

drlove8 · 30/05/2009 09:52

defo go for family mediation centre.... and if he refuses it looks really bad on him for court....and better for you all round stars! ....He cant bully you then, or find out where you live ,or accuse you of not allowing him access to his children. You would always have a "witness" to his behaviour then....

Casserole · 30/05/2009 12:05

I agree - don't tell him where you are, at least for this first settling down period.

Dread, if you speak to stars I don't know if she knows she can get free internet access at libraries... just in case she did want to get on to do stuff.

Do let us know, Stars/Dread, if there's anything practical you need... I reckon between the lot of us we could provide most things!

Are the dc staying at the same school? Would probably be worth quietly mentioning that you don't want your new address given out to H if he rings them and asks for it when they're back at school. I promise you you won't be the only one who's asked them to keep details private, it's a lot more common than people know.

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