Continuing Non-Denominational Support for StarnStripes in her new life

[Portofino]

You can be strong!

Hi Damnright, Your books are in the post, hope you enjoy them. Keep up the good work. (LW)

Are you growling at me, young lady??

The "scrapped the car" thing...

He hasn't been done for drink-driving, has he?

It sounds like such a lame excuse.

As for the comments about another man, you may have to learn a mantra to say to him every time he brings this up: "There is no other man. I left because of YOU." Repeat as necessary.

Well done stars Damnright. You are doing so fab!!

There - it's alright Dread dear. No more stern looks.

I wondered that about the car too balloonslayer.

Hope you're having a good day Damnright.

Right, I've asked to join the Facebook group.

My initials are AB

Hope to hear from you soon DamnRight! Hope you've had a good day.

Hello all! ive just requested to join the "tumble dryer group" too.... initials are DR !- DamnRight hope you had had a hassle free day today! hows the new home comming along? getting it the way you like it i expect....

Hi everyone.

School is going well,DD now going in with no problems.
Much to EX H disgust,I think he was hoping they would'nt settle so easily.
I must be doing something right.

The house is great.
Fab friendly neighbours and am finding my around and making it homely.
Meant to say I think it was fate I got this houseas in the kitchen on the side of a unit is a blackboard which says "shopping list", strange eh!!

2plus2 -was feeling a bit down yesterday and the parcel man arrived with the cookery books.
Thank you so much.
Love them.
You are very kind.
Jamie is now in pride of place on my kitchen shelves.

As for EX H well he gets worse.
He is know telling me he has spoken to childrens services and if he wanted them to they could call round at any time to check his children were being looked after properly.
Also that he may not be giving me any money ,no change there then.
He has'nt offered a single penny since we have been here.
As for the items I asked for he says I have no right to come and get them from the house but told him legally i can go in and collect things.
He says I have been mis informed.
He must have looked into it though as he left a message later saying when was I going to come and collect the sofa.

Fabulous Dread is coming over on thursday to witness the phone messages on 1571 which may be useful in the future.

Meantto say have signed up for facebook but changed my name to my previous surname and having problems logging in to my old one.
Will try and sort it.

Good to hear from you again! Of course you're doing something right - sounds to me like you're doing everything right! And it doesn't sound like he's getting to you with all his moans and threats, which is good. And I'm so glad to hear you're settling in, nice neighbours make all the difference, especially in an emergency (although fingers crossed you won't need them!)

PMSL-Jack is helping as well.
Thank you so much for the CD's.

DamnRight - so pleased that your children have settled down well in their new schools. So what if he rings up children's services - you can reassure them that now they are out of the regular influence of an alchoholic, they are getting on fine - and the fact that they have settled so quickly in their schools must also indicate that they are getting on fine. And who was looking after them all of the time when you were in your previous house - Oh, I remember - you on your own!

THe more of his conversations with you that you can record the better - don't know how you would go about this, but perhaps WA might be able to advise - this can all be used as evidence of his general attitude towards you if needed.

You sound a completely different woman from the one who posted that first thread - how are you feeling generally - and I do hope that you are enjoying the freedom to do what you want when you want and not have to tiptoe around the house!

DamnRight - might it be a good idea you ring Childrens Services and talk to them yourself - tell them that the children are settled and happy, and ask them if they think they are going to need to come and visit?

Then when you know that they are happy with the situation, you can tell exh that and spike his guns:

"Actually I have spoken with Childrens Services myself and they see no problem with the way things are."

You'll also know the truth, not his distorted version of it.

Hey DamnRight! Agree with SSG - phone Childrens Services yourself. Tell them about his drinking, tell them about his unreasonable behaviour, tell them all the steps you've taken to protect the kids - they'll be on your side.

And no he has no right to come over any time he likes. Yours is the name on the lease, the children are with their primary carer. If he wants to insist on that then he'll have to go through an agency - who will give him pretty short shrift once they understand the circs, and which will also work against him should he try to get a residence order. So let him!

Are you ready to go to the house with BIL and/or Niece's H? I think they'd enjoy it, and Sister or Niece could look after kids while you went?

And when is he having the kids again? Are we on for lunch on Sunday?

So happy to hear you're starting to enjoy yourself in the new house and are standing firm against exH! I can't wait for the post to say you've been to collect all your things form the house.
What a shame that you'll ever have to have any contact again with ExH because of the kids, but glad to hear he's not managing to get to you like he used to. It'll soon be that he's just a minor annoyance in your life like a mosquito, but one that has no hold over you and NO say in what you do- you'll just be able to laugh at him and dismiss the nonsense he spouts. What a pratt.
(sorry about the weird analogy there- I don't suppose many mosquitoes have any hold over women's lives)
I really feel the urge to send you a gift too! I want to make something special for your dC's! How odd to feel this way over a total stranger! I'm not very good at getting around to stuff, so don't hold your breath, but the thought is there.

Hi just popping in to check how you are!

Grrr at him for still having his tantrums. So, I 'm going to give you a fab tip that was once given to me. The friend who gave it to me is a top business adviser that I asked for advice when I first went self employed - what to do with people who make requests that make me think they are either not taking me seriously, or that they are trying to walk all over me.

So, next time xh asks anything like who is in the house with you, you just stare at him for aaaages like you are really not understanding what he's just said - a really blank look like you are formulating a reply but don't say anything. Then just when you think they might be about to speak again, you make some face/eyebrows/forehead movement and slight slow shake of the head, that means 'I can't beleive you just said that' then break the eye contact with them and just walk or turn away. It works EVERY time, makes the other party feel really unsettled and puts you 100% in control without having to justify anything to him in words.

Then, when he's on the phone, (this is what my sister used to do when her ex was ranting) let him drone on and on, then if he pauses for a while, say quietly, 'have you finished?' and put the phone down before he can continue ranting.

One other time my ex bil was super mega ranting (with his ow screeching in the background!!) and my sister just said calmly 'you don't sound very happy. are you happy exh?' at which he went totally ballistic but it gave her a good laugh.

Don't flatter his questions with even the smallest response. Just be your(new)self and soon he will get the message that ranting and bullying just don't work anymore.

Now, where are my tissues I am about to take ds1 for his first visit to the school he will be starting in September

Oh yes, the power of silence! It really does work wonders, DD uses this to deal with bullies at her school. It's very empowering, I usually add a sweet innocent smile, although that might be a little too antagonistic in your case. Smile on the inside though!

PMSL is right about the sweet smile - my dad always says 'smile at your enemies, it confuses them' !!

I always do it.

Mona Lisa, thats me

Stars I forgot that your dcs might need new uniforms for their new schools. My ds's are too young but let us all know if they need any particular kit, someone might have some spare or outgrown.

You know, it's really horrible of me, but his wriggling/pathetic attempts to exert control over you is really making me laugh. I do hope you can enjoy it. The smile/silence thing is great - I've used it in the past but forgotten about it (thanks for the reminder Flibberty).

I wonder how long it will be before he uses some excuse to go to your bathroom, to count how many toothbrushes are there

Oh he will definitely be asking the children about what you get up to and I'm also sniggering at his blustering and bullying not having any effect.

He must feel like a balloon that you just stuck a pin into

Oh You are are doing so well!
Ive requested to join the group too, my initials are SB.

{mental note to remember flibberty's clever silence,puzzled look,slow head shake}. brilliant.

Have requested too, initials JC

Well done on doing so well damnright! Ive also requested to join the facebook group,my initials are CD.