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Continuing Non-Denominational Support for StarnStripes in her new life

519 replies

Portofino · 23/05/2009 10:32

You can be strong!

OP posts:
theDreadPirateRoberts · 06/06/2009 10:40

dalrymps - phew! I am TheDreadPirateOfMN at googlemail dot com.

Dalrymps · 06/06/2009 12:13

Have mailed you dread

girlandboy · 07/06/2009 10:29

Hope you're ok Stars.

And I hope the dc's are ok at H's

LobstersLass · 07/06/2009 14:08

Hi Stars, hope your well and enjoying your weekend.
Please let us know when the children are back safely. I've thought about you a lot this weekend. xx

Servalan · 07/06/2009 14:23

Just a note to say that I hope that things are continuing to go well for you Stars. You have been doing fabulously

Jux · 07/06/2009 18:42

So glad you're relaxed and happy and listening to music. Hope the w/e was good and the kids enjoy tomorrow. Keep positive and strong. You're a good lady. Choose life.

theDreadPirateRoberts · 07/06/2009 19:27

Listening to music and popping popcorn... I delivered Flibberty's machine yesterday and it was all good

kitkatqueen · 07/06/2009 19:31

Thinking of you stars, hope u r ok!! XXX

drlove8 · 07/06/2009 22:14

thinking of you too Stars! ..... can i just hijack this thread for a moment ... theres another lady whos in need of support, she also has a twat of a H and hasnt got anywhere to go with her DC ...on this thread. Can we do it again for her?

LobstersLass · 08/06/2009 08:27

Morning stars, hope all is well with you today. I hope the children have a good first day at their new schools!

mistlethrush · 08/06/2009 09:11

Stars - looking forward to hearing how you got on over the weekend. Are the children in school this week?

Thinking of you!

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 08/06/2009 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SemperEadem · 08/06/2009 16:50

Have only just caught up with this too. Been lurking for ages but I am thrilled that you have left - well done Stars x

LobstersLass · 08/06/2009 20:44

Is everything ok stars?

Flibbertyjibbet · 08/06/2009 21:57

been away since fri till just now (whole long weekend with the inlaws... I could start sooo many threads but am still feeling too fragile )

Very glad to hear the now-famous popcorn maker arrived safely, but very disappointed that no mention has been mad of the fact the popping corn I also sent, is organic - well, it IS mumsnet I wouldn't dare send anything less than organic grin]

I've just caught up with the thread - am finding myself slightly holding my breath to see whether the children came back ok on schedule on sunday. Please let us know so we can stop interfering worrying!

Meglet · 08/06/2009 22:31

just getting this back on my threads so I can catch up.

stars hope you are doing well and not just living off popcorn .

purplesponge · 08/06/2009 22:35

Hope everything is ok Stars, been thinking about you.

starsnstripes · 09/06/2009 10:54

Hi everyone.
Sorry not been on much life has been very hectic.

First of all big thank you's to

Flibberty-me and dead made popcorn on saturday and it was delicious.
The bowl we used was'nt quite big enough so it popped out a bit, all good fun.
Thank ,much appreciated.

Sycamoretree-the kids loved the DVD'S and sweets and the chocolate is just what I needed.
Also won a £1 on the scratch card ,my luck is changing.
Thank you so much.

Voile3-Recieved the items you left and was amazed.
Thank you that was really kind of you.
You will have to pop in for coffee on your next trip to my neck of the woods.
Loved the Nigella cookbook and the groceries will come in handy as will the toiletries.
The kids loved the buckaroo and all that tupperware and the towels will come in very handy.
I can have a nice relaxing bubble bath with my tealights and eating my box of chocolates.

H did bring the children back on sunday and DS wants to go again this weekend.
H packed a lot into the weekend with them and is being very co operative at the moment which is a bit un nerving.
He sent back washed and ironed clothes and my favourite dressing gown for me.
He cooked with them ,went on a bike ride and the kids enjoyed themselves.

Last night on the phone he asked to speak to me and said he still loved me and maye we could be friends.
Also that maybe a couple of years apart and it would do us good and maybe we could work things out.
I felt nothing when he said that and did'nt reply .
He then accused me of being distant.
All very strange behaviour on his part.
He also told me to be careful as he said there will be men that may be sniffing around and I am a vunerable young woman with 2 childre and they may take advantage.
I soon put him straight on that and said I am not thinking about any men at all.

He has asked this morning for end of term dates as he wants to take the children to his parents in the summer.
I said we would discuss it further at a later date.

DS was fine with school this morning but DD had a few tears and clung to me.
The school have'nt rung so am assuming she has settled .
Hopefully she will be ok tomorrow but not looking forward to tomorrow morning as have a feeling she may not want to go to school.

Am coping fairly well although it is tough.
But have the evenings when I can relax and not have to worry about previous incidents I had to put up with.

My sister rings every night and I visit her or she me and my niece comes over twice a week.
Also dread has been brilliant and we catch up often.

My sister thinks H is up to something with his current good behaviour or he has realised what he has lost and is trying to make amends.
I don't feel anything though and have taken this massive step and feel I can't go back now.
I have moved on and although it will get a lot harder I have done the worst bit and things can only get better,hopefully.

Katisha · 09/06/2009 11:07

You are a different person! So pleased your life of treading on egg shells is gone.

What an odd thing to say - you need a couple of YEARS apart?

I wouldn't make any promises about taking them out of the country for the summer hols until you have proper legal access stuff in place.

Katisha · 09/06/2009 11:08

Suspect also he is now competing with you on who can be the best parent...

TimeForMe · 09/06/2009 11:58

Just a thought Stars but, for a man to have as much control over a person as your H did over you will have been exhausting. It will have been hard work to maintain that level of nastiness and control so, to not have to do that anymore he has been able to relax and just enjoy being himself enjoy being a dad. He is probably seeing things that he never saw before because he was too wrapped up in his mission to control and abuse you. Maybe that is why you are seeing a change in him.

I am not defending him in any way and nor am I saying he is a changed man when it comes to being a husband. I am sure that if he was to live with you again his insecurities or whatever it is that makes him feel he has to exert such control over you will come to the fore.

I am so pleased you left and and I am so happy for you right now. You are an inspiration Stars! xx

theDreadPirateRoberts · 09/06/2009 12:09

Interesting idea TFM.

It could also be that he's drinking less atm. And I still worry that he's plotting something...

Good news re DS school Stars - hope DD has a better time today

Flibbertyjibbet · 09/06/2009 12:14

Glad you got the popcorn maker and that its working!
I just wanted to say today that my ex 'changed' his behaviour for about 3 weeks when I first said I was leaving. Then he flipped and said I had to say NOW what I was doing because he couldn't stand living like that any more.
I have always tried to think though that maybe by the end we were both just rubbing each other up the wrong way and that maybe without me there irritating him with all my tiptoeing around (the eggshells y'know) that he may have been more relaxed and chilled a bit.
Not that MY behaviour was any excuse for him being a twat for the last 3 of the 5 years we were together.
Maybe your ex is now thinking he can go out and find some nice 'real woman' (remember that from your first thread, my ex always said I wasn't a real woman cos I wasn't up for all the bedroom gymnastics he reckoned all his mate's partners performed every night) to satisfy all his desires, not answer back, put a meal on the table each night to his satisfaction... etc etc.
Oh I forgot, your ex will be expecting the real women to be queuing up at his door with no effort on his part.
Just smile sweetly at him till you have dealt with him re the financial side of separating - that will show his true colours.

(I am at you in a bath with tea lights and chocolates!]

TimeForMe · 09/06/2009 12:19

Yes DP, I would say it's always best to be cautious.

My ex did a very similar thing to your H stars. He was a vile and abusive man and I fully expected to be stalked, hounded or even worse after I escaped but he didn't, he was on his best behaviour (sort of )but all the while he was waiting for me to fail without him, he didn't think I would cope. Well I did! And he never got near me ever again!

TimeForMe · 09/06/2009 12:26

And also, after a while, a long while mind you, my ex actually realised what a controlling, nasty, vicious ogre he had been and he actually apologised!! Not that it made any difference. It's amazing what they discover about themselves when they are left with themselves.