Thinking about going to church but confused and don't know where to start

[neverbeenskiing]

This may be long and rambling, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and not sure where to begin.

I was raised with no religion and have never been to church aside from weddings and funerals. None of my friends or colleagues are religious. Parents both atheists but I was raised with an emphasis on kindness, social justice, treat others as you would like to be treated etc. I've always talked to God (in my head, not out loud) privately from when I was a small child and despite having no religious influences in my life have never really questioned the existence of God, just always sort of assumed He was there.

DH was very ill recently and in hospital and I found myself talking to God a lot more during this time. I suppose you could say praying, although I don't even think I know to pray properly. Anyway, during one particularly scary time in the middle of the night I found myself begging God to help DH and sort of making a deal that if he could intervene and let him be ok I'd start going to Church. That probably sounds ridiculous, but there we are. DH is now recovering slowly albeit still an anxious time for us and well, a deal is a deal.

There is a Methodist Church down the road and I thought of this one purely because it's where I take DS to Scouts. I realise that's a very tenuous connection but it's the only connection I have. Could I just turn up? Would I be expected to introduce myself and explain why I was there? Do other people suddenly start going to church in their 40's or will it seem completely mad? I don't even know how I would begin to explain this to my family and friends, I just don't think they would understand. I think they'd either think I was joking or worry that I was having some sort of personal crisis, which I suppose maybe I am, I don't know. Many of my fiends, like me, work in the public sector and are very left wing and I get the impression they associate the church with right wing views, homophobia etc. Not saying that's right, I just think that's their impression and having never been I don't know enough to refute that.

Is it hypocritical to attend church if you don't agree with everything in the Bible? Do all Christians/church goers have to study the Bible? I think I'm basically a good person but I'm not perfect. I can be lazy and selfish at times. I'm not teetotal. I swear too much. I also have a lot of Gay friends and I don't know if that's compatible with Christianity but maybe that's not such a big issue for Christians these days? There's just so much I don't know. Is it ok to want to explore this but not want to change everything about myself or my life?

Apologies if anything I've said above comes across as ignorant, stereotypical or offensive in any way. This is all very new to me.

a lot of churches have a website and a contact email. You could always send an email or a text explaining in as little detail as possible, you are visiting but don’t have much church experience. It may actually help to have someone to ‘welcome’ you in but then not encroach too much.

It would be great to have an update OP to see how you are getting on.

Hey OP - just wanted to thank you for starting this thread, and the positive responses from posters. I’m feeling exactly the same way, but terrified as a woman in her late 40s who last went to church as a child, of just turning up at my local church! I’ve seen on their website that they are having a coffee morning for the community, so that might be a good way of breaking the ice and get a feel of who they are before I attend a service.

I hope that it all worked out for you and would love to know if you managed to find somewhere?

@Realvintagewrinkles my husband is a minister of a small church (average 40-45 people each Sunday but not always the same people) and we have visitors almost every week - at least once a month anyway. We’re always very happy to see new people, but we’re also realistic that lots of people come once/twice or even more and then never again, so we don’t pressure people or expect too much. It’s a personal choice as to which church suits you, so try a few and don’t be disheartened if the first one you go to isn’t right. You can also just decide to dash out in the last song for the first few visits, no one will mind!

@crazycrofter I am thinking of going to church but cannot sing, will I look daft when everyone else is singing. Also a bit disabled sk will struggle sitting up and down.

Thanks @crazycrofter, that’s very reassuring. I guess I’m more worried that I know so little in regards to the bible, but I’m just so disillusioned, and at times distressed with what’s happening in the world at the moment and just feel like something is missing…

@daysofpearlyspencer I can’t sing either! And my biggest upset was that I was never picked for the choir at school, but I’m good at doing a mumble and singing along very quietly 😄

Many people don't sing. If you want you can mouth the words. Plenty of people sing badly/ loudly/ out of tune. Also plenty of elderly/ disabled or people who just don't want to don't stand and sit all the time. Just sit at the back of you like or find somewhere with side seating. In my experience no one bats an eyelid looking at other people. They are doing their own thing.

I've started going to church because of stuff going on at home, just so I can sit somewhere peacefully. I was brought up Catholic but lost my faith a few years ago. I do feel sad when I pray in church now because when I believed I prayed and felt someone was listening. But now it's as if they've gone out of the room or something. I'm still going for somewhere to sit and listen to some music, have some peace and quiet and listen to some gospel stories. I was thinking I might buy a rosary as a kind of prop just for meditative purposes.

Don’t worry about singing - no one will take any notice so just listen/mouth along or sing. My husband always invites people to stand if they’re able or sit if they’d prefer.

@Realvintagewrinkles there won’t be a Bible test 😊 Hopefully you’ll understand some of what’s said and you can always follow up and research anything that comes up that you’re not sure about - or ask on here. @Desperatelyseekinglazysusan I’m sorry you feel no one is listening when you pray but that can change…

It seems that you may be looking for something a bit quieter. Catholic church's are quiet and not very social. They don't tend to offer coffee after service etc. Well, I have been to three different Catholic church's in the last two years and never come across that.
Also, I attend an Anglican early morning Sunday service at 8 am and it is 30 minutes long. There is no coffee etc offered after service as it is too early for it. Not many people talk and it is quiet and reflective with no singing either. An early morning service less social service may be better suited to you I think based on what you have written. There are gay couples in the church I attend and also the Archbishop of Wales has a civil partner..

Thank you @crazycrofter I do hope so. I do feel I've ' lost' something I once had. I now feel I don't really care whether God exists or not. It felt good for me mentally to have a bit of a chat to " someone" even if they only exist in my head!

When I was a child we went to church and it was part of my life regularly til probably about 6 years ago. I left because I felt like I didnt fully believe any more and also didnt agree with a lot of the conservative views that the church had....but I miss the community side of it.

When we were kids, my dad used to go to a short service at 8am, specifically because there was no singing. It was (iirc) a set service, with obviously different readings and prayers each week. The rest of us went to the "main" service at 10.30

I dont think anyone would notice or mind if you weren't singing though