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Original poster

Would you pray for someone who asked you not to?

313 replies

AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:32

Prompted by another thread.

If you are of a faith, and you said to someone you’d pray for them, and they asked you not to, would you still do it?

For honesty sake. I have no faith and find it offensive if I’ve asked someone not to pray for me that they do so.

OP posts:

Somuddled · 05/04/2022 09:38

If I had faith, but asked someone not to pray for me and they did, I would be annoyed because it would mean something to me.

I don't believe in God, so if I asked someone not to pray for me and they did, it would make no difference to me. It means nothing. I would note that they were the kind of person to go against my wishes but the actual praying wouldn't bother me.

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 09:40

Hmm. If I ‘kept you in my thoughts’ would that be offensive?
I find prayer is of two kinds, one deliberate and one more accidental, I suppose, akin to when your mind wanders in meditation. It might be hard not to ‘remember you in my prayers’ in the second instance. But I’d certainly respect your wishes not to have prayer specifically named for you in a deliberate sense.

Original poster

AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:42

Keeping me in your thoughts is different because that’s internal to you. I think.

But praying when I’ve asked you specifically not to feels like a violation.

I know I’m probably not explaining or expressing myself particularly well.

OP posts:

TracyMosby · 05/04/2022 09:43

For honesty sake. I have no faith and find it offensive if I’ve asked someone not to pray for me that they do so.
I dont know why you would find it offensive. If you think prayer is pointless and meaningless, why does it matter to you if someone else prays? You sound awfully controlling.

gingerhills · 05/04/2022 09:45

I am Christian and I pray for people. If someone asked me not to, I wouldn't. I'd respect their views and wishes.

Silverclocks · 05/04/2022 09:45

DH agreed with you OP, he didn't want people praying for him because it was "superstition".

I see it the same as sending best wishes.

Original poster

AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:46

Because I’ve asked them not to and they have completely disregarded my wishes. It feels like a consent violation.

Would you do something else that someone asked you not to do for them? If they said don’t make me dinner would you make it anyway? Don’t bring me plants I can’t look after them - would you bring them anyway?

OP posts:

carefullycourageous · 05/04/2022 09:46

If I asked a person not to pray for me, and they told me they had anyway, I would naturally distance myself as they are a toxic person who does not respect the wishes of others.

NannyR · 05/04/2022 09:46

I'm a Christian, I wouldn't just assume that someone would want prayer or to be prayed with, I would ask them if I could pray for them/their situation.
In private, I might pray about the person/situation, but that would be between me and God and no-one else would ever know.
If you have no faith, then prayer is just meaningless words with no power. I can see how you would be offended by someone praying out loud with you but not by someone praying privately and silently.

Original poster

AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:47

Because I’ve asked them not to.

It’s a consent violation. That’s what it feels like. It makes me feel anxious and sick to think that people would be praying for me behind my back even though I’ve specifically asked them not to.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 05/04/2022 09:47

I don't pray or believe in prayer but my mum does. I think she would find it very difficult not to pray even if asked not to, as she sees it as something she can do to help, and also as a stress reliever for herself as she tends to "take on" emotions of others and uses prayer as a kind of processing/offloading tool that doesn't break privacy. She might pray for relief around the situation, rather than praying specifically FOR you. Whether she would tell you that she was doing that, I don't know.

carefullycourageous · 05/04/2022 09:47

@TracyMosby

For honesty sake. I have no faith and find it offensive if I’ve asked someone not to pray for me that they do so. I dont know why you would find it offensive. If you think prayer is pointless and meaningless, why does it matter to you if someone else prays? You sound awfully controlling.

I do not understand this position @TracyMosby

I think it is controlling to foist knowledge of the prayers onto an unwilling recipient.

The praying person should STFU about their unwanted praying.

Original poster

AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:48

I’m also I believe autistic and I do struggle with engaging with faith. I’m not diagnosed but my child is and I can see my traits in them. Or theirs in me. I don’t have capacity at the moment to go for diagnosis. I don’t know if that’s relevant but I am adding it on case it is.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 09:49

I think it’s something that’s hard to express - and you’re not the only person I’ve seen asking this question from your standpoint - so don’t worry!

For me, my prayers are my thoughts - prayer is a deliberate turning of thoughts and attention to issues in your life, or the wider world, and projecting love towards them - asking for the love of God if you believe, but essentially it’s just projecting love. At its heart. I mean, I’m aware I’m not necessarily ‘doing it right’ but I’ve long come to terms with my spirituality/religion and my imperfection. So I’d struggle to see his my prayer could offend because you wouldn’t be able to distinguish it from my thoughts.

But I certainly wouldn’t look to offend you.

carefullycourageous · 05/04/2022 09:49

@NannyR

I'm a Christian, I wouldn't just assume that someone would want prayer or to be prayed with, I would ask them if I could pray for them/their situation. In private, I might pray about the person/situation, but that would be between me and God and no-one else would ever know. If you have no faith, then prayer is just meaningless words with no power. I can see how you would be offended by someone praying out loud with you but not by someone praying privately and silently.

The bit that matters here is 'between me and God and no-one else would ever know' - in that situation, there is no harm done in either direction IMO.

Original poster

AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:49

It’s not even about whether I think prayer is pointless or meaningless.

It’s about the fact that I have specifically asked someone not to do something and they have done it anyway.

Does that make sense?

OP posts:

PermanentTemporary · 05/04/2022 09:50

I don't like being asked if someone can pray for me, so operate a 'don't ask don't tell' policy I guess! I don't mind if someone is praying for me and I don't know about it. I would feel very uncomfortable refusing prayers if they were offered though.

HellToTheNope · 05/04/2022 09:51

I gather this person knows you don't believe in God yet keeps pushing their religion on you by talking about prayers? Is that the case?

ConfusedByDesign · 05/04/2022 09:51

I wouldn’t care if somebody prays for me or not but the kind of person who prays for someone when asked not to is someone who thinks they’re superior and it’s very condescending.

Original poster

AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:51

It’s not just one person. It’s a general thing.

OP posts:

carefullycourageous · 05/04/2022 09:53

@AchillesPoirot

It’s not even about whether I think prayer is pointless or meaningless.

It’s about the fact that I have specifically asked someone not to do something and they have done it anyway.

Does that make sense?

It makes total sense to me.

A small number of people with faith foist it on others in a way that is essentially selfish. That is what unwanted prayer is doing. It is also a way of making themselves feel better whilst doing nothing of use.

It is not actually the prayers, it is how they do it and how they make you feel.

Many people could pray for me in a nice and non-patronising way.

Nnique · 05/04/2022 09:53

I’ve been on both sides of this coin, sort of, so from my perspective:

How you feel is how you feel, and you’re not unreasonable to feel that way. I

I also don’t think the person of faith would be unreasonable to pray for you or pray for themselves in relation to you, or to ask for help for you or for themselves. This is because I understand what prayer means to people of faith. It’s very hard to explain.

If they told you that they had done so then that would be very unreasonable though. Their prayer is between them and their God.

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 09:55

@AchillesPoirot

It’s not even about whether I think prayer is pointless or meaningless.

It’s about the fact that I have specifically asked someone not to do something and they have done it anyway.

Does that make sense?

How would you know, though?

If people are going against your wishes and praying for you, and telling you about it, that’s not kind, respectful or necessary. It could be damaging or controlling.

But if someone you know who is religious prays for you, and doesn’t mention it, you’re none the wiser.

isittheholidaysyet · 05/04/2022 09:55

If you asked me not to think about you and I did, would you have the same consent problem with that?

Because if you asked me not to think about you, I immediately would, and I would be worried about the situation. So I would think all the more.

Prayer is very similar.

Original poster

AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:56

Prayer isn’t the same as thinking about someone though?

Prayer is talking to a god or gods. It’s external, not internal?

OP posts:

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