Would you pray for someone who asked you not to?

[AchillesPoirot]

Prompted by another thread.

If you are of a faith, and you said to someone you’d pray for them, and they asked you not to, would you still do it?

For honesty sake. I have no faith and find it offensive if I’ve asked someone not to pray for me that they do so.

To be clear for those who have no read the thread. The praying that is being done is to turn me from the path of wickedness and sin and back to the lord. They are praying for me to come back to the church and it dominates and is centred in every interaction with them.

They sound like a load of misguided individuals. who are bordering on unhinged.

Just stop engaging with them

I guess it depends if it's impacting on you. Someone could pray for you, not tell you and you would never know because prayers are essentially private thoughts. Whether you believe in a communication/end result is down to the individual. Prayer can be a positive connection. Someone praying for your sick child for example could bring comfort whether you believe or not. It's seems like in this situation the prayer is negative because it's implying there's something wrong/needs fixing when you don't believe there is. So you don't want them to pray for you because it goes against your beliefs.

I think that you are right, that they are effectively hurting you and continue to do so by making you aware of their prayers. I don't think you are unreasonable to ask them to stop, but unfortunately you have no control over how and in what way they worship. They are hurting you by letting you know what they do. The only thing you can do is to prevent, as best to can, any communication with or about these people, so they do not have the opportunity to inform you of their prayers.
They will not stop so I see the only course of action is to never associate with them.

I'm Christian. I have a pretty much constant prayer dialogue with God in my head. I always ask someone if they mind if I pray for them and so far only one person has ever said no.

I respected that in the sense I didn't pray specifically for them by name but honestly asking if I can pray is as much me trying to reassure the person someone cares as anything else.

I believe God knows all my thoughts and all yours and He doesn't need us to voice a prayer for it to be answered. Prayer is more about keeping a relationship with God. So the fact I haven't voiced a prayer doesn't mean God doesn't know I wanted to pray about it.

I find how upset it would make you interesting and I suspect it's about more than consent. In my experience those most vociferously against religion are those who know deep down they need it but are fighting it. I would encourage you to examine your reasons.

These people are not praying for you in any meaningful way. They are bullying you. They are getting together in a group to criticise your life choices and they are telling you they are doing it. They are trying to control you and your choices.
They are not praying with faith and love and goodness in their hearts. I'm sorry they are doing this to you

I'm a christian, who prays, and believes in the efficacy of prayer. I would absolutely not pray for you if you'd asked me not to. It's going against your wishes for one thing, and is awfully disrespectful.
That group at church that are praying for you are out of order - regardless of whether they think they're being good christians by doing it, or are trying to 'save your soul', or because they're doing it 'out of love for you'....whatever reason, it's wrong.

I also don't think that my thoughts are prayers - we have goodness knows how many thoughts a day; some conscious, some unconcious, but prayer, for me (and what / who I pray about) is definitely a conscious thing. Therefore I can chose what I pray about. Ditto with this group - they are choosing to continue to pray for you in spite of you saying you don't want them to, and that's out of order.

Bit over the top in my opinion. I have no faith but I certainly wouldn't be put out by someone praying when I've asked them not to. After all it isn't going to make a difference is it?

Would you like me to pray for them? I don't believe in prayer but it's clearly worked the last couple of times, obviously it only works for me for bad things, happy to add them to my list!

Prayed out loud in church/prayer group? Or prayed silently in their own head? Because I don't think you can/should actually control what other people think.

I'm a Christian. I have friends of various faiths, and none. Christian friends I would pray for without asking, because I presume they'd be OK with it.*

Friends of other/no faith I would usually ask them if they minded me holding them in my prayers. Most are fine with it. One Muslim friend was very grateful, and has prayed for me when I've needed prayers. A couple of non believing friends have said they don't care if I do or don't add they don't believe it does anything, but if it comforts me then that's fine. I can't remember anyone ever saying no actually.

*having said that someone prayed 'over' me once. It made me very uncomfortable. But then she didn't know me and was praying for something I didn't think needed prayer.

@AchillesPoirot, your problem isn't their prayers. It's the presence of your abusers in your life.

Well your explanation makes a lot more sense than your question. It's not about whether I, a random Christian on mumsnet would pray for someone against their wishes. It's never come up because I don't go around telling people I've prayed for then except in extreme circumstances where I don't think it will offend.

So if you've left a church and they pray for you Please try not to worry about them. They mean well. It's not about policing your thoughts. They can't do that. I should think their actions are solidifying your opposition to them. Try not to associate with them any more. If they are family I'd still avoid them. Tell them their prayers are having the opposite effect.

In the meantime I hope you sort out whatever you are going through. I won't pray for you but please do try and feel better. I'm sorry it sounds like it's been a hard time!

I’m religious and would pray for someone who asked me not to. Yes it is between me and God, but God also sees the clear wishes. I don’t mean God judges the other person, but God sees I am disrespecting someone else.

I may in a roundabout way (if praying for everyone that is sick or in hospital that person may come to my thoughts).

Would it be possible to tell the leader of the prayer group that you don't want to go back to God? That it doesn't make you happy and the more they pray the more they push you away?

@Bagadverts

I’m religious and would pray for someone who asked me not to. Yes it is between me and God, but God also sees the clear wishes. I don’t mean God judges the other person, but God sees I am disrespecting someone else.

I may in a roundabout way (if praying for everyone that is sick or in hospital that person may come to my thoughts).

This read like you had meant to say ‘I’m religious and wouldn’t pray for someone who asked me not to.’ Have I misunderstood?

Yes - wouldn’t pray - shouldn’t type and look at something else!

Quite a serious drip feed there op. In general not discussing your situation. I do not think a persons faith or lack there off trumps another's view in anyway. So if my catholic resident lights a candle for me and says a prayer I will accept that as her expressing her faith. I will not return it as I do not share her faith. Same with any other faith I will accept their choice to do what they wish as it does not impact me if I am not present.

So as a rule I do not think any of us have the right to have our beliefs or lack there of trumping others.

However I am here assuming some level of trust and care for the people involved.

In your rather massive drip feed we are not talking of someone who is focused on you or on bettering. They are focused on their need and on how to co tinue to abuse you. That is never ok. However I dont think its the prayer as such here I think it would manifest differently if the prayer was taken away and you would still be in an abusive situation. That is not ok. I just feel the prayer is not the main issue here its what you focus on as it makes you uncomfortable but if it was taken away they would likely do other stuff to keep controlling you

I definitely would. Probably more likely to pray for someone who asked me not to pray for them because it sounds like they're in more need of prayer!

Atheists are allowed to mock and ridicule religion, often with cruel words because, as they rightly state, they have freedom of speech. They are allowed to say whatever they want about religion, no matter how upsetting it is for those with a faith.
Why is it then that religious people cannot even say a prayer in their own head if an atheist says they can’t? Is it one rule for atheists, another for people of faith? Why does anyone get to control what I do in my own head?

Because I’ve asked them not to.

to me, it’s a consent violation.

and again. To be clear. I’m talking about group prayer out loud. I’m not talking about something internal. I would never know if they never told me.

@Thehundredthnamechange do you generally have a problem when people say no to you? What if someone said I don’t want to have sex with you? Would you just carry on because they asked you not to?

Also @MiniDaffodils I’m pretty sure I haven’t mocked religion here and if I have come across that way I apologise as that was not my intention

@AchillesPoirot I’ve just come across your thread and read through it.

What these people are doing is rude, and abusive, and disrespectful. End of.

I’m a Christian. I’ve prayed for people who haven’t specifically asked me to. I haven’t been in the situation but I would probably still pray for someone who asked me not to.

But, I don’t EVER tell anyone what I’m praying for. That is private, between me and God. I would certainly never go around telling people I don’t approve of their lifestyle and that I’m praying they change. That’s incredibly disrespectful.

I don’t actually pray for that either. If you were an old friend from church or a family member who no longer believed, I wouldn’t pray you ‘came back’. I have friends and relatives in this position and I only ever ask God that they are well and healthy. I don’t ‘meddle’ in their spiritual lives.

God doesn’t differentiate between believers and non-believers. He doesn’t love me more than He loves you. I believe that your lifestyle, beliefs, or lack of, don’t make an impact on God’s love towards you, so why would praying that you ‘come back’ change anything? The truth is, it doesn’t. If somebody goes around telling people it does, it’s all a self-proclaimed superiority gesture that’s only designed to make themselves feel better.

I’m sorry these people have behaved and are behaving in such a rude way to you. A true Christian loves those around them - regardless of their beliefs or lack of. Love means respect. Respect means understanding and keeping those boundaries you have put in place.

I have many close friends who have no idea what exactly I believe in. They don’t know if I pray for them nor do they give it a second thought probably. It’s not my wish that they do. My wish is that they feel loved and respected. That’s what any decent person (religious or otherwise) should wish for.

@AchillesPoirot

Because I’ve asked them not to.

to me, it’s a consent violation.

and again. To be clear. I’m talking about group prayer out loud. I’m not talking about something internal. I would never know if they never told me.

@Thehundredthnamechange do you generally have a problem when people say no to you? What if someone said I don’t want to have sex with you? Would you just carry on because they asked you not to?

Well, that's an interesting one. So this is a group prayer, you are being discussed (with others before God) without your consent when you are not present. Do you ask for other people's consent before discussing them/their actions with others when they are not present? Have you asked for this prayer group's consent to discuss them on here? If you did and they said 'no' would you refrain for discussion of them?

Basically, does consent include conversation topics outside of our presence? (Outside of libel and defamation laws).

One to mull over...I'm not sure how I feel. I know others discussing me behind my back in a derogatory sense might make me feel uncomfortable but being realistic I would not be surprised at it or be that angry over it if I had upset them.

It’s not about my upset.

If they were doing it and not telling me how would I know?

it’s about the fact that I have asked them to stop and they haven’t. and in fact go out of their way to tell me they are still doing it.

it’s about the fact that I have asked them to stop and they haven’t. and in fact go out of their way to tell me they are still doing it.

Which is annoying, I get it but I don't think it's worse for you because it's a prayer. If someone was just mentioning conversations they were having about you with other people I would have thought it would be equally annoying. All you can do is just don't rise to it and avoid their company. It's similar to a class mate telling you they told the teacher on you. Have their prayers had any consequences? Do you feel compelled to worship with them? If not then maybe that particular church is not for you. Let's face it, although it is an aim, (even) amongst believers we have not achieved complete Christian unity yet.