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Original poster

Would you pray for someone who asked you not to?

313 replies

AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:32

Prompted by another thread.

If you are of a faith, and you said to someone you’d pray for them, and they asked you not to, would you still do it?

For honesty sake. I have no faith and find it offensive if I’ve asked someone not to pray for me that they do so.

OP posts:
hauntedvagina · 05/04/2022 09:57

I am not religious in the slightest, however I do have a lot of friends who's children attend a local catholic school. I found it oddly comforting that during their class prayers one of these children chose to pray for my child when he was very, very ill. I wasn't asked, and I'm not sure what I'd have said if I had been if I'm honest, but the gesture was heartwarming.

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 09:58

@AchillesPoirot

Prayer isn’t the same as thinking about someone though?

Prayer is talking to a god or gods. It’s external, not internal?

It’s not really external, or not in my case. Outside of an organised prayer group, or bring named in a church service, or whatever, it’s an internal focus on thoughts, akin to meditation.
MedusasBadHairDay · 05/04/2022 09:59

I think that if someone asks first then they need to accept the answer, and not pray if it isn't wanted.

If they are determined to pray no matter what the response then they are better off not asking - and then not telling either.

If someone is asking, being told no, and doing it anyway then it is a dick move really. More so if they then tell the target of their prayers that they've deliberately give against their wishes. That feels very like they are trying to impose their religion on another person. Either with an eye to conversion or because they feel it makes them superior.

Redcrayons · 05/04/2022 09:59

@AchillesPoirot

Because I’ve asked them not to and they have completely disregarded my wishes. It feels like a consent violation.

Would you do something else that someone asked you not to do for them? If they said don’t make me dinner would you make it anyway? Don’t bring me plants I can’t look after them - would you bring them anyway?

These things are totally different.

I don’t have any faith, someone praying for me makes no difference to me whatsoever. In fact, it’s a comfort to know they care. Nothing is expected of you.

What’s the context? If something terrible is happening in your life, it’s a way of showing they are supportive. If they’re praying for your souls because they don’t approve of your life style, then I can see how you’re offended.

Original poster
AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:59

So if you’re not praying to a god, or gods, what are you doing? I don’t understand.

I’m specifically talking about praying FOR ME to a god or gods.

OP posts:
ZaZathecat · 05/04/2022 10:00

If I were a believer, yes I would still pray for you, because I would believe it could help. But I would do it privately and you wouldn't know. Actually I don't see how a person could stop themselves from praying for you, seeing as prayers are thoughts in your head.

Original poster
AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 10:00

It’s not a comfort to me to know they care.

OP posts:
Original poster
AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 10:00

It’s not done to be supportive.

OP posts:
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 05/04/2022 10:01

I think violation and offensive is a bit of a stretch and snowflakey, unless they are making it all about them. However f they are praying for you to "curse" sexuality, autism etc then of course they are being offensive. Whether you believe in God or not, they aren't telling a third party, people use prayer as meditation and processing and its a personal thing. You can't control someone's private form of meditation.

ermagerdabear · 05/04/2022 10:01

I'm not religious at all (but was raised as a Catholic). When I lost a baby, my boss (who was Jewish) said he would keep me in his prayers and I found it quite touching, even though I'm most definitely a non believer and didn't think it would make any difference whatsoever. He told me that God is good, and while some people might find that offensive in the circumstances, as I would have if someone had been telling me that story, I was actually moved.

I suppose it depends on the context really.
If you tell someone you're gay, and they say they'll pray for you...no thanks, fuck off. But if a family member has just died, it's just a way of saying they'll keep you in their thoughts.

Spidey66 · 05/04/2022 10:01

I'm not religious. I was brought up Catholic, church on Sundays, RC school the works. But for lots of reasons I've turned my back on both formal religion in general and Cafholicism in particular. If others are religious, that's fine but it's not for me, ta.

A few months back I broke my shoulder badly and needed surgery. My very religious colleague sent a text saying she would pray for me. I replied saying I'd prefer a load of opiate based painkillers, truth be told. I'm sure she probably did pray for me, and while she'd probably think it was her prayers that got me through, I think it was the skill of the surgeon. Although I don't believe in it it didn't do me any harm!

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 05/04/2022 10:01

I meant cure, not curse, although in this instance curse is probably just as relevant.

Nnique · 05/04/2022 10:02

Prayer is internal too. You are part of it, just like it is part of you. You’re not just talking to a god.

However, there is a caveat. Not all people who pray are good people. So I can understand that if the specific person was a nasty, destructive, negative force in your life, it could very much make you feel distressed if you knew they were going against your wishes. You would feel powerless and anxious because you would feel they were exerting control and dominance. However that would not necessarily be about their prayer in and of itself but about their choices to treat you badly.

Original poster
AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 10:02

I’m not controlling anyone’s private meditation. I’ve specifically said it’s about praying to a god or gods.

I’m asking them not to do that and they do it anyway.

That’s rude. Disrespectful. Controlling of them. Is it not?

I feel like my views are being disregarded.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 10:03

I feel like you’re imagining prayer as an out-loud conversation with a personified god - is that right?

In that sense, if I was having an out-loud conversation where I was discussing you with another person then I see why you find it offensive.

But prayer isn’t an out-loud conversation for most people of faith.

Original poster
AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 10:04

Not necessarily out loud, no, but definitely a conversation with a god or gods.

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 05/04/2022 10:05

@AchillesPoirot

It’s not done to be supportive.
Then why would they do it? Confused

I think it's quite an extreme reaction op. If you don't believe in god, I honestly don't understand why you'd be upset? They're basically saying out loud I hope Achilles is ok and will be ok but asking something bigger than them to help make that so. I really can't see why that makes you feel sick?

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 10:05

@AchillesPoirot

I’m not controlling anyone’s private meditation. I’ve specifically said it’s about praying to a god or gods.

I’m asking them not to do that and they do it anyway.

That’s rude. Disrespectful. Controlling of them. Is it not?

I feel like my views are being disregarded.

You say you’re talking generally about this issue, but it seems quite specific, as if people (plural) are regularly foisting their religion on you. Is that the case?
thecurtainsofdestiny · 05/04/2022 10:06

No. I do have faith and have sometimes asked people ( of the same faith) not to pray for me. Felt really important to have that boundary respected so I'd also respect someone else who made that request of me.

Siepie · 05/04/2022 10:06

People saying that prayers are just between you and God, do you believe that prayer works? Do you believe that your prayers could impact the life of the person you're praying for?

If so, it's not just between you and God. You're trying to impact the life of someone who has specifically asked you not to.

ladydimitrescu · 05/04/2022 10:06

@AchillesPoirot

Not necessarily out loud, no, but definitely a conversation with a god or gods.
But you don't believe in them, so they're basically having a conversation with themselves to hope you are doing well - why is that an issue
Original poster
AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 10:06

You can’t understand why, having being abused by members of a faith, I find it troubling that they continue to pray for me to find god?

Ok. That’s strange to me.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 10:07

@AchillesPoirot

Not necessarily out loud, no, but definitely a conversation with a god or gods.
OK, well for me private prayer is not a conversation with a personified god/gods. It’s much more like meditation in the sense of the experience.

Organised prayer in the context of a service or prayer group is different.

ladydimitrescu · 05/04/2022 10:08

Well that's a massive drip feed isn't it. Obviously everyone's answer would have been a lot different with that information. With your original post, no it made no sense as to why you were so disturbed, with your latest post - yes it makes sense. Distance yourself from them, problem solved.

FanFckingTastic · 05/04/2022 10:08

I can't really fathom how anyone could be 'offended' by someone praying for them, wishing them well, supporting them, keeping them in their hearts etc. If you don't believe in religion or prayer then the prayer means nothing to you anyway. As pp have said, unless someone is praying for your soul because of life style choices etc then why would you reject what is in essence a kind gesture?