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Original poster

Would you pray for someone who asked you not to?

313 replies

AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 09:32

Prompted by another thread.

If you are of a faith, and you said to someone you’d pray for them, and they asked you not to, would you still do it?

For honesty sake. I have no faith and find it offensive if I’ve asked someone not to pray for me that they do so.

OP posts:
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 05/04/2022 10:10

You can’t understand why, having being abused by members of a faith, I find it troubling that they continue to pray for me to find god? and here is the drip feed. This changes the context altogether. I stand by what I previously said in principle, but I'm sorry that your abuser is continuing to control what they have done to you under the guise of religion. That's pretty low of them. The only thing you can or should do is cut them out of your life.

Patchbatch · 05/04/2022 10:10

I suppose you wouldn't know, and if you didn't believe in whatever they were praying too you wouldn't be worried it'd cause any sort of effect. I can see why on principle though ie you've asked then not and they have anyway. Personally if someone offers even though I'm atheist I wouldn't mind as to them it means something and I'm not losing anything by them doing it. I suppose the exception would be I can either offer you practical support or I can just pray- what would you prefer, in which case I'd be annoyed.

vitahelp · 05/04/2022 10:11

Ah ok, so they are praying for you to find God. I initially thought you meant they were praying for you to get better after illness or something similar.
I too would find it annoying if someone was praying for me to find God and was telling me so. I am religious myself and wouldn't do this.

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 10:12

@AchillesPoirot

You can’t understand why, having being abused by members of a faith, I find it troubling that they continue to pray for me to find god?

Ok. That’s strange to me.

Your feelings are perfectly valid and justified.
Patchbatch · 05/04/2022 10:13

@AchillesPoirot

You can’t understand why, having being abused by members of a faith, I find it troubling that they continue to pray for me to find god?

Ok. That’s strange to me.

I find it odd they keep talking to you about it so really I suppose the question is would you be annoyed if people kept mentioning prayer in this context. I read the OP as praying if something bad is happening or whatever and they believe it will help. Difference between that and using it as a stick to beat someone with.
Tomeeornottomee · 05/04/2022 10:13

My mum, my aunt and my Nan in law all tell me that they pray for DH (he has been ill for a long time) I’m not religious at all and neither is DH but I think if it gives them a bit of peace of mind and comfort then I don’t see the harm in it. I haven’t ever said don’t pray for me as I think it would upset them, but when they tell me they’ve been praying I always say thank you for thinking of us/him. I certainly don’t see it as a violation

Original poster
AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 10:13

Sorry I didn’t think it was particularly relevant or I would have mentioned it. They are praying for me in the sense of wishing me well but that also encompasses praying for me to return to the fold as I am a lost sheep and praying for me to come back to god.

There is a whole painful backstory around my life choices and the emotional abuse they facilitated as well.

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 05/04/2022 10:14

I am not religious at all but grew up in a fairly religious community. I think you are being 100% unreasonable to tell someone they cannot pray for you. It is NOT the same as telling someone not to make you dinner or bring you plants. It is the same as telling someone not to think about you.

You are 100% reasonable however to expect that if someone wants to pray for you and it's something you're not comfortable with that any praying should be done privately - ie between the person and their god - and that you should not have to be aware of it or involved in any way. No praying with you, no giving your name to their church to all pray for together etc etc.

PermanentTemporary · 05/04/2022 10:14

Oh yes, I would hate to have prayers for my conversion. That makes total sense. And to be told that was what they were praying for would be infuriating.

I would also hate prayers for my health, because it would imply that if I recover well, the prayers had a role, in which case what about people who don't recover.

But most people I know who pray would just pray for me out of love I think and wanting things to be better for me. I don't want to know about it but I don't mind that.

SolasAnla · 05/04/2022 10:15

@AchillesPoirot

Because I’ve asked them not to and they have completely disregarded my wishes. It feels like a consent violation.

Would you do something else that someone asked you not to do for them? If they said don’t make me dinner would you make it anyway? Don’t bring me plants I can’t look after them - would you bring them anyway?

Your examples are all material actions, which require your participation to be successful. Unless the person is praying out loud in the presence of person being prayed for they are not really good examples. The praying out loud presence of person being prayed for is preaching at the person which is very different from attempting to have a (one way) conversation with the qod that person believes.
isittheholidaysyet · 05/04/2022 10:15

Prayer isn’t the same as thinking about someone though?

Prayer is talking to a god or gods. It’s external, not internal?

Personal prayer is internal. In the christian tradition we talk of it as 'the internal life'
Yes, God could be said to be external, but he is also woven through every part of my internal realm.
I move from thoughts to prayers with little or no distinction. God knows my thoughts. So my prayers to him are interwoven with my thoughts.

I wouldn't pray out loud for you or tell you about it though, if you asked me not to pray.

I see you trying to stop me praying internally as the same as you trying to police my thoughts.

Tomeeornottomee · 05/04/2022 10:15

As above I didn’t realise they were praying for you to find god. Whole different context especially if abuse is involved. I’m sorry you’re going through this. And I can see why you now feel violated 💐

BirdWatch · 05/04/2022 10:16

No it would not bother me if they did it privately. Somebody secretly baptized my dc (and my family are atheists).

Harmless in my eyes.

MsMarch · 05/04/2022 10:16

@AchillesPoirot

Sorry I didn’t think it was particularly relevant or I would have mentioned it. They are praying for me in the sense of wishing me well but that also encompasses praying for me to return to the fold as I am a lost sheep and praying for me to come back to god.

There is a whole painful backstory around my life choices and the emotional abuse they facilitated as well.

Of course this is relevant. Because it means what the person is doing is actually attempting to put pressure on you by telling you (regularly, I assume?) that they're praying for you to "return to the fold".

It's entirely different to my old school friend who I absolutely know quietly prays to herself on my behalf when she knows things are tough for me such as when my mother died or my DS was in the hospital.

Original poster
AchillesPoirot · 05/04/2022 10:17

@isittheholidaysyet

Prayer isn’t the same as thinking about someone though?

Prayer is talking to a god or gods. It’s external, not internal?

Personal prayer is internal. In the christian tradition we talk of it as 'the internal life'
Yes, God could be said to be external, but he is also woven through every part of my internal realm.
I move from thoughts to prayers with little or no distinction. God knows my thoughts. So my prayers to him are interwoven with my thoughts.

I wouldn't pray out loud for you or tell you about it though, if you asked me not to pray.

I see you trying to stop me praying internally as the same as you trying to police my thoughts.

But me being prayed for to find God is policing my thoughts?
OP posts:
saggyhairyass · 05/04/2022 10:17

I am embarrassed if someone insists on praying for me. I am a hardline non- believer and I say, no, because it won't do any good, because that is what I think. The Atheist equivalent of a prayer is just a sense of hope, maybe that something will happen, but as an atheist I must accept that the universe owes me nothing and I must be at least in part instrumental in achieving that hope.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 05/04/2022 10:18

Do you have or can you get support in real life @AchillesPoirot? It sounds as though a big chunk of the people around you are toxic, and you need support in breaking away from them.

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2022 10:19

Do they keep telling you about it?

Or do you just know from experience growing up that you and your ‘path back to god’ will be part of their prayers?

I’m sorry for your experiences. Faith should be a positive thing, not a negative.

knittingaddict · 05/04/2022 10:19

@isittheholidaysyet

If you asked me not to think about you and I did, would you have the same consent problem with that?

Because if you asked me not to think about you, I immediately would, and I would be worried about the situation. So I would think all the more.

Prayer is very similar.

Thoughts and prayers?

I don't think they are the same thing at all. If you had a faith you wouldn't either.

Despite being Christians (my husband more so than I am these days), when my husband got cancer we put off people who wanted to pray with him. Not because we objected to prayer, but more because we didn't want one of those misguided prayers that conflate the strength of my husband's personal faith with God's willingness to heal. Couldn't be doing with that at all, so we discouraged prayer full stop.

I'm pretty sure that they prayed for him anyway, but not with us.

MissTrip82 · 05/04/2022 10:20

No. I don’t know better than you do. I respect your autonomy and beliefs.

And no, that wasn’t a drip feed. Every Christian surely knows that there are plenty of people for whom the church is not a positive or even neutral force. I find the naivety of the PP who never even thought of that staggering. There is no reason to be blind to the reality for many just because you don’t share it,

Nnique · 05/04/2022 10:21

@AchillesPoirot

Sorry I didn’t think it was particularly relevant or I would have mentioned it. They are praying for me in the sense of wishing me well but that also encompasses praying for me to return to the fold as I am a lost sheep and praying for me to come back to god.

There is a whole painful backstory around my life choices and the emotional abuse they facilitated as well.

Flowers

I mentioned this in my earlier comment. It’s understandable that it distresses you so.

It’s best just to put it out of your mind. Truly. Don’t give them the power of thinking about it and going over and over how much it upsets you and how violated you feel.

knittingaddict · 05/04/2022 10:22

I certainly wouldn't go around telling people I was praying for them, even if I was, if I didn't think it would be well received. I've suffered too much from some people's manipulation in a church setting to find that at all acceptable.

You have my sympathy op.

Georgeskitchen · 05/04/2022 10:26

Well if they didn't tell you, how would you know?
I think we are long past the days of people believing they will be struck down from above if they don't do x,y,z

knittingaddict · 05/04/2022 10:28

@isittheholidaysyet

Prayer isn’t the same as thinking about someone though?

Prayer is talking to a god or gods. It’s external, not internal?

Personal prayer is internal. In the christian tradition we talk of it as 'the internal life'
Yes, God could be said to be external, but he is also woven through every part of my internal realm.
I move from thoughts to prayers with little or no distinction. God knows my thoughts. So my prayers to him are interwoven with my thoughts.

I wouldn't pray out loud for you or tell you about it though, if you asked me not to pray.

I see you trying to stop me praying internally as the same as you trying to police my thoughts.

So I was wrong and you do have a faith?

I'm very surprised that you would think thoughts and prayers are virtually the same thing. To most people, especially non Christians, thoughts and prayers are most definitely not the same thing.

isittheholidaysyet · 05/04/2022 10:30

I crossposted with your drip feed, but...

But me being prayed for to find God is policing my thoughts?

Not really. You have freedom to reject God.

However I also was presuming this was in the case of you having troubles in your life and needing help/support. Especially in one of those situations where I can't actually give any practical help. (Or more practical help that I have already given)