My daughter is a Wiccan

[Nonicknamesleft]

Just spent some upsetting minutes looking on a few AIBU chats about religion. My shoulders should be broader but I still hate the way Christianity is talked about: it's blasphemous and rude imo. Anyway, so glad to have found this area. Now to the subject of this post:

My eldest of 3 is a girl, almost 12, just going into Y8 at (a CofE) sec school. She is a bright Asperger, prone to the customary obsessive passions typical of the condition.

About a year ago, we wandered into our local park to find Pagan Pride in full swing. I was with other members of my family besides the children, and not wanting to spoil the outing, allowed them all to wander around and look at the crystals, hippie clothes and expensive witchy acoutrements. So natch, dd is now a declared pagan, wearing pentagram necklaces, spending birthday money on runes etc etc. As we walked to this year's PP event yesterday, she told me that she'd never really believed in God but kept quiet to avoid upsetting me. Tbh I don't fully believe her about that but not much point arguing - what do I know?

My current position is generally to be accommodating and as respectful as poss, try to moderate my inclination to argue that it's at best silly and at worst a tiny bit evil. I know I'm being very prejudiced against it because of all the crusty trappings, and I wouldn't dream of being so sniffy about another 'proper' non-Abrahamic faith eg Buddhism.

I'd welcome advice about how to feel and how to play this. I want to just trust that God is on it and will get to the girl in his own sweet time, knowing that she's the sort of person who, if she gets God at all will get him big-time..... but I'm also more than a bit anxious that the current thing will stick.

In theory I'm a great believer in religious autonomy (eg I was raised RC but left it for the CofE) for the young, but am finding it harder to honour in practice. Fwiw she's ace at RE at school, and extremely respectful of other faiths. She deals politely with the rather hard-line Christian peers she has at school who aren't very nice to her about her beliefs. Being autistic, it wouldn't occur to her to be anything other than completely honest about her views, however unpolitic.

So, dear hive, please share your wisdom xx

secretwitch

There is another chat on the religions boards " Any Witches Here" you would be welcome if you want to discuss your path with others in a supportive environment.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3241689-Any-witches-here

Many Wiccans follow a reed that lets us know whatever we put out into the universe will come back to us.

This is no use to someone who does not question their own intentions well enough. It can be too easy to convince yourself of the good in your intentions if in an emotional state. There is little guidance in a craft that practically encourages 'dabbling'. Added to this when knowledge is 'occult' or 'hidden' seeking the right guidance can be problematic.

Didn't Jesus say 'Judge not, that you be not judged'

It's ok to have reservations about something you don't fully understand however she has chosen a belief as have you and I would be so nice if you could suspend judgement and support her as you would like to be supported in your chosen belief.

It may be a phase, support her any way.

You can be against someone's choices without judging them as a person. Personally I think it would be hypocritical to actively support someone's actions if I fundamentally disagree with them. By all means I would be open to discussion but I wouldn't necessarily hide how I felt or any reservations I may have.

Continuing thanks. A number of posters are quite reasonably suggesting I discuss it with my daughter. This, as I said, is difficult; a characteristic of her ASD is that she doesn't really do conversation. She makes a speech and then invites a comment, but no real back and forth. So the quality of that first response back to her is all important.

I get that w/ps aren't satanists. One of the main points in my OP was about my conflict around this. I admitted my prejudice upfront about this area of the faith spectrum, and why I'm struggling to feel the way I like to think I would if she'd presented with something more orthodox - if she decided to be Jewish for eg.

So that's one thing. Second, taking again that w/ps aren't satanists, the witchy trappings are nevertheless rather alarming from where I'm standing. I think the reason I can relate to other religions better is because there is so much common practice: a key religious text, a habit of prayer etc. Spells and cauldrons in my experience - I'll just say that again - in my experience - come from children's stories or much darker places. I don't know where the distinctions lie and so I don't recognise where dd is on safe territory and where she might not be.

Will your daughter respond to questions, OP?

in my experience - come from children's stories or much darker places. I don't know where the distinctions lie and so I don't recognise where dd is on safe territory and where she might not be.

And that is why I suggested you educate yourself.

That suggestion was not meant as an insult.

Your fear stems from ignorance.

^secretwitch
There is another chat on the religions boards " Any Witches Here" you would be welcome if you want to discuss your path with others in a supportive environment.^

I actually had a look at this last night and was struck by how lovely everyone posting on it was to everyone else, which is def not what happens elsewhere eg the rest of this thread. However, given the implicitly critical nature of my OP, I assumed I would be shot down in flames, again eg as per a good chunk of this thread.

Re "suspending judgement", trouble is, my daughter won't let me. She asks the questions. "Would you have" and "why would you have a problem with me getting a cauldron?". What is the judgement-suspended answer to that? Genuine question. What does a hopefully non-judgmental but nevertheless Christian mother say to her vulnerable 11 year old in reply to that?

hihello - was typing previous when you wrote that..... a bit I guess, but it's difficult. She mainly get to ask the questions and deliver verdicts.

"why would you have a problem with me getting a cauldron?"

You answer honestly

That you don't know what cauldrons are for, and why would she need one.

Have you asked her what she wants to do with the cauldron? There are practical considerations as well as the spiritual!

speakout - my fear etc - yes, I do know that. I know you didn't mean to insult

. a bit I guess, but it's difficult.
I think it might be worth persisting with the questions. You need the information in order to give a considered verdict.

Cauldrons are for spells.

Makes me shiver. Sorry, but it does.

speakout but my concern over the people close to me didn't come from ignorance. They were genuinely disturbed by their dabbling.

OP the religion boards are full of "safe " places.

The Christian prayer thread for winter which has been running for some time, Daily Gratitudes 2018, and Pull up a pew and join the Christian chat thread, continued... to name but a few.

These are "safe" places where it is clear that debate is not acceptable, and everyone respects that.

THe Any Witches Here is another type of that thread.

But you threw down a gauntlet in your first post on this thread

it's at best silly and at worst a tiny bit evil. I know I'm being very prejudiced against it because of all the crusty trappings, and I wouldn't dream of being so sniffy about another 'proper' non-Abrahamic faith eg Buddhism

and God is on it and will get to the girl in his own sweet time,

It was clear from your critical stance at the outset that you wanted debate.

Have you asked her why she wants to cast spells instead of pray? Or how she could be certain whether what she wanted to achieve was right? Or what she is going to cast spells over?

Or what she is going to cast spells over?

So funny.

Sorry but the whole idea of "casting spells over " something again just shows a lack of understanding.

Why, speakout? You talk about casting spells with intent to influence people and events in your witches thread.

If my use of language is what amuses you, speakout, then granted it will be different to your own, if I am used to moving in different circles. However, I'm sure you understand my meaning.

hihello

You can do your own research on this one.

Op why do you think "spells" automatically equal something evil? It's common practice within Wiccan to not use spells for evil but for good (I'm sure you've heard of "the power of 3?")

Wiccan is largely about peace, being at one with the earth and nature and the universe.

If you think it's all witches in black pointy hats casting evil spells around a cauldron then you've been watching way too many movies!

I don't need to speakout. I sense you are poking fun at me in an attempt to undermine the points I am making.

Is she working with other people, or alone? Because if your concern is keeping her safe and unexploited, we can probably make some suggestions based on that.

11 is still very young. My DD is 11, and doesn't have ASD, and I think that your concerns are perfectly sensible really, especially as because she's not being guided by you, she's probably more vulnerable to being steered in less helpful directions by other people.

If you would like to take her interest on board while still keeping her safely in the child-friendly zone, there is a book called 'Circle Round: Raising Children in the Goddess Tradition" which is very good, and has age-appropriate pagan activities (although there is a chapter about teenage sex which is a bit more liberal and sex-positive for most British people, Christian or not). It's pretty much the pagan equivalent of a Sunday School teacher's manual.

You might also use that as the basis of talking about things you have in common. Candlemas and Imbolc are very similar, and as we approach autumn you might want to talk about her about harvest stuff.