How do you resolve conflicting religious parenting

[Contemplates]

My husband doesn't want our children to be allowed access to both of our (differing) religious views, only his.

He is atheistic and I wanted to introduce our preschooler to Sunday school if he wanted to try it.

He loves preschool and wanted to see what this was all about too, and I had always been open about the fact I intended to encourage exploring God as an alternative to atheism, without forcing anything.

Obviously his Dad's alternative viewpoint is also and equally well known in our household. However I don't silence my husband the way I feel he is trying to silence me and I'm trying to remain balanced and fair.

This morning he was saying how he didn't want our son to attend Sunday school as he doesn't like it; which led to our son saying he didn't want to go anymore. So this morning we went to the park instead

Has anyone experienced this parental conflict before and how did you deal with it? There must be some balanced compromise that we can reach, while still enabling our children freedom to make their own choices.

One atheist (me) and one pretty relaxed CofE (DH), because They went to the village CofE school (no choice our nearest 3 schools are CofE), they have always had odd links to the church.

We have always agreed they can make up their own minds.
DD1(16) has sung in the choir since primary school, has never chosen to be confirmed and is a quiet agnostic. She isn't going to firmly offend either of her parents or her church going BFFs by firmly coming down one side or the other.

She's ever the diplomat and for her turning out for choir when she doesn't totally want to or it makes HW and revision more awkward, is her service to the church and the village. Faith and whether there is a God is massively less important.

DD2(13) thinks it's a load if rubbish, stays at home, except for when her DFs mum is doing Sunday school when they meet up and I guess chat and help with the younger ones. DD wants to teach she's very good with small people.

I think OP you have to sit down, talk and come to a compromise. DH and I agreed 3 days into our relationship that we were never going to agree about religion, 25 years later we still don't.

I am Christian and DH is Jewish. We agreed that we would educate our kids in both our faiths and let them make up their own minds. We take the 'some people believe X whilst other believe Y' approach. They always ask what we believe and each of us then explains.

I think your husband needs to meet you half way on this. YOu should be able to take your DC to Sunday school. He should be able to tell them why he doesn't believe the things that they might hear there. This is healthy for them to hear differences of opinion expressed in a non confrontational way and to make up their own minds.

It amazes me how few Christians on Mumsnet will admit to a belief in creation and maintain that such a belief is now seen as niche and a bit odd amongst believers.

Our local baptist church. 2nd largest congregation in town, has links to The Creation Science Movement on the home page of its website which takes you to this message on their homepage:

The Creation Science Movement is the oldest creationist movement in the world; founded in 1932 as the Evolution Protest Movement by leading members of the Victoria Institute who were concerned at the scientific, ethical and theological consequences that belief in Evolution brings to society.

It wasn't that long ago that I was a church goer and the only time I can remember evolution being mentioned it was with derision from what I can remember. I also remember watching an interview on Revelation TV between the host Howard Conder and Richard Dawkins and Conder clearly rejected evolution. Isn't Revelation TV quite mainstream Christian TV? It wasn't that long ago.

as an atheist, I don't think children should be taught any religion, except as a 'some people believe'. In the same way they should know how people live in other countries. A pre-schooler is very vulnerable to believers and cannot make their own decisions. As you have found.

so if the Sunday school is teaching that, fine - but doesn't he spend enough time in school anyway?

I also agree that kids should be out playing at the weekends. Sunday school is generally only to give parents a break, if that's what you want then send him to an activities club!

Headinhands: creationism (in the sense you mean, of people who reject evolution by natural selection) is very niche in the UK. It's no wonder that hardly any Christians on MN believe in it.

I had to google Revelation TV as I'd never heard of it. It might be mainstream if you are in an independent conservative evangelical church (was that your scene when you were a Christian?), but that's not exactly the Christian mainstream in this country.

Specialsubject: most children who are in Sunday School are there because one or both of their parents is/are worshipping in church not to give parents a break, that used to happen decades ago but not very much now. They are run by churches for children who attend the church and teach children about the Christian faith, learn how to pray, worship together and so on. It's not simply RE, but on the other hand judging by the many, many people brought up as Christians who have later become/always been unbelievers -- it doesn't seem to stop children making their own decisions about what they believe.

Slight derail but I've always wondered: why is creationism too far fetched but the rest of the bible isn't?

whoslookingafterCourtney that's a big question.

The Bible is a collection of books written over hundreds of years (the word 'bible' comes from the Latin word for library). Some of them are myths (genesis 1-2) for example; some are historical accounts, although they are written by people with very different ideas about history from us (Kins 1 and 2); some are poetry (Job); some are prayers (Psalms); some are prophecy (Isaiah); some are biography (the Gospels); some are letters (Corinthians 1 and 2).

So the Boble is full of history and stories and poems and myths ... And we have to think about each kind of thing in different ways. There might be several different kinds of truth - what you might call 'factual truth' and 'emotional truth' or 'wisdom' for instance.

Oops sorry about spelling - typing on phone while DCs hog the laptop

Head, my experience was the opposite of yours. Both myself and my parents were taught evolution as scientific fact at school. I never knew anyone didn't accept this until I became an adult and even then I have only ever met 2 YECs. Ever!

OP I suggest you ask your DH what exactly he has a problem with. Then remind him that he married someone of faith, so it can't be that bad. Most of your DC's week is spent doing non-faith stuff, I don't see any problem with 1hour a week spent on bible stories.

Dione you sound as if being taught evolution as scientific fact is noteworthy?

As I said evolution was hardly broached but the few times it was it wasn't positive and definitely with suspicion so it surprises me how quick Christian posters here denounce creationism. Maybe creationists are less likely to use Mumsnet or there has genuinely been a large shift over 2 decades. I wonder what the national stats are?

Where are the 22% on Mumsnet?

Not here. I've been in mainstream churches in England all my adult life and I only discovered that some Christians believe in a literal 7 day creation when I started going online. I've since discovered the conservative evangelical viewpoint which is a minority in the C of E. I'm more than happy to debate with this viewpoint but as I'm a woman they generally won't engage as that is seen as teaching.

My impression is that the conservative viewpoint is more common in the USA.

"Charles Darwin: 200 years from your birth, the Church of England owes you an apology for misunderstanding you and, by getting our first reaction wrong, encouraging others to misunderstand you still. We try to practice the old virtues of 'faith seeking understanding' and hope that makes some amends. But the struggle for your reputation is not over yet, and the problem is not just your religious opponents but those who falsely claim you in support of their own interests. Good religion needs to work constructively with good science - and I dare to suggest that the opposite may be true as well."

This comes from an essay on the main C of E website from 2009.

Link here

So what about virgin birth and resurrection?

I can't think of one person I know who is a YEC, tbh. I guess it is the circles I move in - ie not conservative fundamentalist.

I'm really not at all of a scientific bent - much more artsy - but I have tried to get my head round it, and really have no problem at all with evolution ebing the means by which the world came into being through God - I don't see them as mutually exclusive at all. From what I have read of YEC stuff they seem to go against peer reviewed mainstream stuff and quote a whole load of unknowns who even I can see are not really making sense. I really don't get all the ins and outs though - tis why I generally avoid the more sciency threads

Virgin birth - Mary may or may not have been a virgin when Jesus was born - it was highly likely she was at conception. It matters little to me - I do believe Jesus was 'conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit' - much more important and a central belief expressed from v early on in the Christian church.

Resurrection - laid down as a fact in the biographies ie the gospels - no way of comparing these to the Torah which was written however many thousands/millions/billions of years after the events Gen 1/2 is describing. Gospels written 30+ yrs after the event, and Paul's accounts earlier - not really comparable in terms of how the accounts are to be read/interpreted.

Head I only mentioned it because when I have said that in the past, some people have asked if it was taught as a theory, alongside Intelligent design and YEC.

Would you be equally keen to teach your child about fairies and let them choose?

It's not an equal choice.

Would you marry and have children with someone who believed in fairies Hully?

Would you be equally keen to teach your child about fairies and let them choose?

I did believe fairies helped Santa, when I was small! . Must have been suggested to me. I was full to the brim with fairy tales.

I actually studied some folk beliefs in university, faeries included.

I remember believing in Wee Willie Winkie too when I was small.

And 'The Time Slip' was another family legend. My family were great ones for mysterious tales...

Dione.

As well as the OP's DH marrying someone of faith, the OP also married an atheist.

Why must it always be the people without faith who have to make the compromise. They married each other, so respect each other's views and either compromise equally.

No, I wouldn't marry anyone who believed in anything supernatural. I simply couldn't respect them.