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Philosophy/religion

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How do you resolve conflicting religious parenting

332 replies

Contemplates · 23/03/2014 14:32

My husband doesn't want our children to be allowed access to both of our (differing) religious views, only his.

He is atheistic and I wanted to introduce our preschooler to Sunday school if he wanted to try it.

He loves preschool and wanted to see what this was all about too, and I had always been open about the fact I intended to encourage exploring God as an alternative to atheism, without forcing anything.

Obviously his Dad's alternative viewpoint is also and equally well known in our household. However I don't silence my husband the way I feel he is trying to silence me and I'm trying to remain balanced and fair.

This morning he was saying how he didn't want our son to attend Sunday school as he doesn't like it; which led to our son saying he didn't want to go anymore. So this morning we went to the park instead Hmm

Has anyone experienced this parental conflict before and how did you deal with it? There must be some balanced compromise that we can reach, while still enabling our children freedom to make their own choices.

OP posts:
capsium · 28/03/2014 08:15

atthestroke People come to Christ with different strengths and weaknesses, this includes within their consciences. So it is impossible to generalise. A relationship with Christ is an opportunity to right the weaknesses.

capsium · 28/03/2014 08:20

atthestroke And Christ takes 'whosoever will...' believe on Him. No task to large or small. So people may be very damaged when they come to Christ, with a lot to work out.

capsium · 28/03/2014 09:31

Back Just thinking about our conversation about alcoholic spirits / distillates and thought of this book.

www.amazon.co.uk/Blackberry-Wine-Joanne-Harris/dp/0552998001/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395998821&sr=8-1&keywords=joanne+harris+blackberry+wine

I remember reading it and musing rather a lot on the legacies we leave people. You might find it interesting. Wink

Contemplates · 28/03/2014 09:58

the greenheart continuing your theme about morals, they're all inescapably based on biblical principles anyway!

For example, I'm sure most, if not all atheists would describe their morals as not allowing them to commit the act of theft, and the bible is clear that God says we shouldn't take anything that doesn't belong to us.

Same goes for positive morals such as treating others as we'd like to be treated, etc. they're all in the big book!

OP posts:
BackOnlyBriefly · 28/03/2014 11:37

Contemplates a good answer, but there's still a flaw there. God isn't going to actually appear in front of these people and ask them if they'd mind doing something. He would have to put the idea in their head in the first place so they would think it was their own idea. I'm sure if you had a method of doing that to your staff you would be too ethical to use it.

capsium thanks for the link. That sounds quite a good book as it goes. I do like that kind of thing.

Oh and Contemplates you do seem to be assuming the bible came first there and that before that no one had the concept of property or morals. I expect we could find proof to the contrary, but even if we couldn't it's a huge assumption.

capsium · 28/03/2014 12:00

back Regarding the ownership of ideas:

If people are in complete agreement, in so far as they even think in the same way, their ideas are the same. You could easily ask each one something separately and they would come up with the same answer. But each has gone through a thought process, be it conscious thought or sub conscious.

By choosing to be a Christian, you choose to be in agreement with God. Part of the reason I refer to Jesus' words being spirit, and spirit being contained in books is that I think they can work on the subconscious. Jesus talked about the power of words. However as readers and believers we also respond to what is written, relate it to our own experiences, mull it over, in order to understand it fully, hence there is a relationship (ref reader response theories of narrative theory). As a believer we act according to our Faith. If we do not truly believe something it will not show up in the pattern of our actions, hence our choices.

I do think it is also important regarding Faith, not to mistake it for our own pride, when we have not fully understood something and assume we know what is right, when in fact it is wrong. That is why I think, as a Christian, it is very important to focus Jesus' character, and who He was.

Regarding: the Joanne Harris book. Yes, I enjoyed it. Smile

WhosLookingAfterCourtney · 28/03/2014 13:13

Oh give over - it's not 'hard' for an atheist to have morals. Being kind to eachother is not exclusive to Christians.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 28/03/2014 13:28

I agree whoslooking- it's a very arrogant stance to assume christians have ownership of morals.

Hullygully · 28/03/2014 13:44

So do you follow Jesus' teachings, capsium, or are you a little illogical about that too?

capsium · 28/03/2014 13:52

Hully I was being slightly light hearted. Hence the grin emoticon.

I think logic does have it's place but I just recognize it's limitations. Logical outcome is dependent on all the previous premises being correct and involves assumptions each step of the way.

Often we do not know and cannot know all the details and faith or Faith or taking a risk is the only option.

I think recognising our own fallibilities, in fact the fallibilities of human kind, hubris in effect is important. The only position to adopt really is humility. Not saying I always manage it though...Grin

capsium · 28/03/2014 13:54

And yes Hully I am a follower of Jesus' teachings, as I am a Christian. How logical I am about this, I would not like to say. A lot of it is heart felt, as falling in love is...

Contemplates · 28/03/2014 13:55

BackOnlyBriefly Contemplates a good answer, but there's still a flaw there. God isn't going to actually appear in front of these people and ask them if they'd mind doing something. He would have to put the idea in their head in the first place so they would think it was their own idea. I'm sure if you had a method of doing that to your staff you would be too ethical to use it.

I hate to say it but I disagree, and here's why. I watched a BBC Horizon programme a week or two ago, you should see if you can find it, really worth watching. The topic was examined how, from a scientific perspective, we all make decisions. Apparently we think we are independent and individual in our thinking processes, but actually much of what we 'decide' is based on previous ideas we've stored throughout our life existence to date. Unconsciously learned behaviours, or habits, if you will. And don't the advertising companies just love that fact!

So my point is, suggesting (or putting ideas into people's heads) is so commonplace you don't even know it's happening.

I also hate to say it but good management techniques include exactly that type of practice. For example, a few spring to mind, like introducing change by discussing it with someone and then weaving "their" idea into practice. Of course it's not their original idea but, after discussion, they're usually more accepting of change when the topic is revisited, and the vague recollection of having discussed it with you usually makes people satisfied that they had an important part to play.

Also offering choices to people to gain their compliance. If you want your employee to complete an unpleasant task, you offer what is in their perception a choice, one task you know that they'll hate, and another that you want them to do. Great, now you have a compliant employee who thinks they've chosen the task they're doing!

These are not MY ideas, and I'm not saying I put them all into practice, but they are management skills I was taught in a large teaching hospital. So if you don't like it, blame the NHS!

Regarding the discussion about morals - I think the interesting divide seems to come when people discuss objective morals vs subjective. God and the bible are about objective morals, whereas atheism is geared towards the more subjective version. Very very different.

OP posts:
capsium · 28/03/2014 14:06

Regarding the discussion about morals - I think the interesting divide seems to come when people discuss objective morals vs subjective. God and the bible are about objective morals, whereas atheism is geared towards the more subjective version. Very very different.

Except I think Christ takes you from where you are. No matter how damaged you are.

Some would say the Bible has a lot of contradictions, in terms of advise on moral principles, some think in terms of paradoxes. I think of it in terms of balance, God knowing the right action for the right situation and leading a person through the Holy Spirit. Again if you miss it, He can even bring you back on track.

So in this way individual experiences strengths, weaknesses and mistakes are accounted for and Grace poured out, available to all who will believe on Christ. Christ is inclusive.

Hullygully · 28/03/2014 14:14

I give up

just sheer bloody bonkers

capsium · 28/03/2014 14:15

But I think the point you were making Contemplates about people's subconscious reflecting the current Zeitgeist, or work place or professional biases is very telling.

It is how propaganda works and it is linked to the idea that some psychologists put forward. They would say people have no free will, they are a product of their brain physiology, their biology. Some saying that certain types of physiology make certain people more vulnerable or suggestible.

It is an idea I find repugnant because it makes everything seem so futile and the implications of this idea taken to the nth degree are horrific. It is one of the reasons I really value the freedom Christ offers.

capsium · 28/03/2014 14:16

Hully What in particular has upset you?

atthestrokeoftwelve · 28/03/2014 14:16

Interesting to note however that the countries with the highest number of athiests have the lowest crime rate. In the US the most religious states also have the highest murder and other crime rates. This pattern is repeated worldwide.
So much for god looking after his own.
It's a wonder us athiests are not screwing our siblings and eating our babies without god. How do we even manage?

capsium · 28/03/2014 14:18

atthestroke I don't trust statistics. I also have this book:

www.amazon.co.uk/Proofiness-Dark-Arts-Mathematical-Deception/dp/0670022160/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396016291&sr=8-1&keywords=the+dark+arts+of+mathematical+deception

You might like it...

capsium · 28/03/2014 14:20

atthestrike You do realize don't you that I believe you really cannot generalize between people's moral superiority and their beliefs or lack of them?

atthestrokeoftwelve · 28/03/2014 14:20

Exactly hully- there is no reason to it- that's the problem. It is simply blind faith in a system that most christians don't even understand. It's like debating with a Stepford wife.

Contemplates · 28/03/2014 14:21

By the way, to all the atheists, what do you make of Richard Dawkin's, (chief atheist-evolutionist in the UK), view that

“The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil and no good, nothing but blind pitiless indifference.”

No evil and no good?

Really?

Not even a little bit of GOOD?

OP posts:
capsium · 28/03/2014 14:21

^ atthestroke not strike. I made you sound all militant then...Typo.

capsium · 28/03/2014 14:23

atthestroke Ha, ha, ha! How my DH would laugh...

capsium · 28/03/2014 15:01

What is the alternative film? 'The Wicker Man' with Edward Woodward? Yikes...!

Like the soundtrack though...

capsium · 28/03/2014 15:02

Ooh I didn't expect the pic...How did I do that?

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