How do you resolve conflicting religious parenting

[Contemplates]

My husband doesn't want our children to be allowed access to both of our (differing) religious views, only his.

He is atheistic and I wanted to introduce our preschooler to Sunday school if he wanted to try it.

He loves preschool and wanted to see what this was all about too, and I had always been open about the fact I intended to encourage exploring God as an alternative to atheism, without forcing anything.

Obviously his Dad's alternative viewpoint is also and equally well known in our household. However I don't silence my husband the way I feel he is trying to silence me and I'm trying to remain balanced and fair.

This morning he was saying how he didn't want our son to attend Sunday school as he doesn't like it; which led to our son saying he didn't want to go anymore. So this morning we went to the park instead

Has anyone experienced this parental conflict before and how did you deal with it? There must be some balanced compromise that we can reach, while still enabling our children freedom to make their own choices.

[Hullygully]

I'm sorry you find my posts unhelpful, contemplates.

I find you peculiar. What odd, regimented conversations you must have in real life.

Still live and let live as you say.

[Thehopefuldragon]

Okay, let's face facts. It is both impossible and undesirable to bring a child up in a value free environment. Parents will inevitably bring their child up in heir value system. The best thy can do is say, this is my value system, if you choose to reject it I will still love and respect you. All those posters saying you should not bring children up as religious still have a value system they are bringing their kids up in! An atheistic, empirical value system. They ate just being less overt and aware about it. And as for saying you can't respect people who are religious, how pernicious and stupid! Now that would be an appalling value to raise a child in. SO THEY Are being told if they get religion they are no longer worthy of respect.

[capsium]

atthestroke

Sounds like the school is at fault also there though. Opt out should not mean the children miss out awards, announcements, presentations and certificates etc.

People have talked about this subject on here before and other schools handle this much better.

My DC's school is C of E and I have been mostly happy with the worship element. However there are some things I still would change if I had free reign. Even there some of what is communicated seems a little off (they are much more high church than myself) to me and I have shared my beliefs with my DC. I don't know how parents of pupils with different religions feel though, I am imagining they might not like some of the services held at church, that the children attend with the school but I don't know for certain.

However they have nothing on the Catholic school my mother attended!

I am sure a lot of schools could be fairer.

[Thehopefuldragon]

I also think it is really unhelpful that when people post asking or advice on religious matters on this board the thread gets hijacked by people feeling the need to slag religion and belief when that is totally not what the post is about.

[Hullygully]

I haven't noticed "slagging"

I have noticed people trying to say that the OP's question is impossible to answer because it attempts a "compromise" between two unequal positions.

[Hullygully]

And "religious matters" don't get and shouldn't expect special treatment.

They are as open to analysis and question as any other topic on MN

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

hopeful- value system need not include worship of imaginary beings though.

[Thehopefuldragon]

Hully I would define saying that you couldn't respect someone who is religion as slagging everyone who is religious as not being worthy of respect. And I'm not expecting special treatment for religion. What I am objecting to is people hijacking threads for their own agenda. That's just rude.
At the, can't make sense of your post at all. Of course it needn't. That was my point. Value systems aren't just religious or sn. We all have value systems. We are have frameworks through which we make sense of the world.

[MaryWestmacott]

Well then op, from a practical point if view, you need to wake up your DH, say that you are going to church but that ds doesn't want to come too, so he needs to look after ds, as you agreed you wouldn't force ds to go- your attendance is non-negotiatable, you are going to church. DH can put his values above his extra sleep.

My DH also would prefer I didn't take the dcs to church, but not enough for him to give up his Sunday morning mountain bike rides, so they come with me. It does help that dc1 has friends who go to Sunday school too, he didn't like the transfer from the crèche to Sunday school to start with - we had a few weeks where we had to negotiate with him that I'd come into the Sunday school with him and if he didn't enjoy it, we'd go home early. We had about 3 weeks where I missed the service sat with him instead, then after a few play dates with other children in the Sunday school, he stopped saying he didn't want to go and then wanted to go play with his friends.

At 3, are there a lot of 4 year olds who are pre-school friends in his Sunday school group? (They often put all 3 and 4 year olds together) if everyone else has friends and he doesn't, it might not be his dad's comments that are putting him off but feeling left out/nervous.

[ethelb]

Contemplates, I am sorry your thread has been hijacked a bit, but hopefully it may give you something to think about.

if it is any help, I come from a family with a mother who is a practicing catholic and a father who is an avowed atheist. However, my father was never anti-religon and agreed my mother could bring us up Catholic. He was vaugly involved in things like our communion, confirmation etc and celebrated those happily with us. Which your DP doesn't seem to be that kind of person. And I don't really see how that can be resolved.

I think anti-religious sentiment and atheism really need to be separated on threads like this a bit. It is entirely possible for someone to be an atheist and not object to other people, or their own partners and children being religious. Unfortunatly, your DP doesn't seem to be one of those people.

The only advice I can give is that myself and my partner (me Catholic, him an agnostic atheist) actually benefit from the fact that we self-define how we want to behave in our own philosophical/theological positions and accept we can't really question the other's personal definition and reality (gosh that was deeeep!).

However, he isn't actually anti-religion to the point of believing in censoring it (as your DP is) and of course I was bought up to have a strong understanding of atheism/agnosticism/other beleife systems (as was he) so we don't really have many problems. We do of course respect each other's belifes, as ridiculous as that may seem to many posters on this thread.

[sunnyspot]

Well said Thehopefuldragon. The same group of atheist always turn up to hijack these threads at some point with the same insults. Best to pick your way round them.
Thankfully most of the atheists I know in RL are much more open to sensible and respectful debate about religion.

[Hullygully]

thehopefuldragon

That isn't "slagging", that's just stating a fact. I cannot respect anyone who believes in the supernatural, I can be polite and live and let live towards them, but not respect them.

[Hullygully]

Why are religious people (whatever that means) allowed to insult others?

And why is people questioning those beliefs "slagging" or insulting"?

And since when did the thread police say that strict adherence to an OP was the law?

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

As I see it this thread is about religion and athiesm. Are only those with a faith allowed to comment?

Hully is right- once a thread starts conversations meander around the original subject, sometimes running for hundreds of pages. All posters are free to comment as long as they keep within forum rules, the OP desn't retain "ownership" of the thread neither are posters who disagree banned from posting.
Far from nbeing "hijacked" I think there have been lots of relevant posts here which do have a bearing on the original topic.

[capsium]

Hully you do not have to respect me, as a believer, but I like to think a level of respect can be given to everyone, as fellow human beings, if nothing else.

If you don't particularly like the person's beliefs and behaviour you can respect them for what they might become or what life experiences they might have come through.

But you don't have to.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Hully, if you didn't come to disparage or hijack and you had no advice to offer, what was your intention when you posted on this thread? (Genuine question)

[Hullygully]

I have friends who "believe," I just think they are deluded and need to believe and we don't go there. I love them on other levels.

[Hullygully]

Dione, I read the OP and thought that (as I said in my first post) that it was a false compromise because the two positions aren't equal, and I said so. Then you asked me a question and I answered it and it carried on from there.

[Hullygully]

And I do have advice to offer: reframe your difficulty OP. Currently your dilemma is irresolvable because the two positions are inequitable.

[sunnyspot]

It's not the law HG, it's just that dragging an otherwise interesting thread down the same old route of" imaginary beings", "can't respect anyone who believes in the supernatural" etc etc etc gets a bit tiresome after a while, that's all.

[capsium]

Hully good you love your friends on other levels. But deluded is such a strong word, in the clinical sense it can be a very frightening illness. I won't take offence because I do not think you meant it that way but I would not like to use the term lightly myself.

[Thehopefuldragon]

Hully the slagging comes form the fact that you clearly think people with religious beliefs are thicker than you and hence not worthy of respect.
Why do you say religious people are allowed to insult others? Anyone is free to insult anyone else and anyone is free to call them an ass for doing so. Genuinely not sure where you are coming from here.
As for your other points, I repeat, it is rude and unhelpful to hijack threads to push your own agenda. There are many times on many threads in mn when posters object to other posters derailing threads. It's just a matter of manners when someone has asked for help not to take it over for your own agenda. It is rude in this post to start questioning beliefs because that is not the fuck what it is about. When someone of faith posts a query asking for help with how their faith operates in their life that is not an invitation to start tired arguments about the validity of faith. It would be rude to that in rl and it is rude to do it here.

[Hullygully]

I don't agree, capsium. I do see it as literally delusional. Perhaps less harmful, indeed even more benign that other delusions, but certainly delusional. In my book. To literally believe in an imaginary being is a delusion, be it a unicorn or omnipotent deity of whatever stripe.

sunny, I was asked a question and responded, I've not dragged anything anywhere.

[Hullygully]

see previous posts, hopeful

[capsium]

I see Hully. Discrediting a lot of people in one big swoop there.