American XL Bully dog

[BettyALJF]

My ex and I have two sons (7&9) and share them 50/50. His girlfriend has an American XL bully dog that now lives with them. I’ve had reservations about the dog as it’s massive but I can’t stop them having it and know all dogs are different etc. I asked my ex to never leave them unsupervised with the dog, which the boys tell me they are on a morning when they go down for breakfast and their dad and gf stay upstairs and god knows when else. I pick my sons up on Saturday afternoon and the boys tell me that my youngest has been bitten on the ear by the dog on Thursday. My ex didn’t tell me this had happened. Once we are home I look at the bite and it’s pierced the skin. I asked them what happened and he said he got on the sofa and the dog barked at him and got his ear. He said it hurt and bled a lot. They tell me they didn’t go to the drs to get it looked at. Obviously when the skins been broken it can cause an infection, so I ring 111 to ask what to do and they send me to the hospital to get it checked out due to it being a Saturday. The doctor cleans the cut and says they have to report it to the police. I let my ex know all this and he has a go at me saying he didn’t know what I was trying to do and that I should have contacted him to find out what happened. I basically think they’ve not taken him as they are worried what will happen to the dog, therefore not putting our son’s safety first.
Regardless of what happened, it’s pierced the skin and as his father he has a duty of care and he should’ve taken him to the doctors for it to be checked, cleaned and given anti biotics. It may have been an accident, but I don’t want to risk ‘a second offence’ which may be a lot worse next time. I’ve told the police I don’t want the dog in the house when the boys are there, I don’t trust them to put the boys safety first anymore. Would you do the same thing in my situation?

This is a rough (and possibly OTT) thing for a stranger on the internet to say to you about your poor kid being attacked like this… but I’ll say it anyway…

If the dog had been a little rougher, had held on a little tighter or your son had moved “wrong”, the dog’s ear bite could have resulted in his entire face being ripped off. So no, it’s not too much to stop your boys going back there. And, frankly, I wouldn’t rest until that bloody thing is destroyed.

Not the dog’s fault - it’s just the way of things. They are dangerous.

You’re doing your ex a favour - it could be his face next.

No it is not a case for social services. The mother is the only person who can do anything to safeguard the children. What do you actually expect social services to do here?

what for? Social services aren't the police. What do you expect them to do?

It’s not just the dog - has your ex always been neglectful? Why did he not take your son to the docs or tell you? He sounds irresponsible I’m sorry and what other ways does that manifest for the kids?

Report to SS and the Police immediately.

Why report to social services?

Actually if it was a Pomeranian or other breed of dog I hope the owner was as responsible as a friend of mine.

When I first met her she had recently PTS a small dog she had homed because it had bitten someone. Since then she has had other dogs, including of the same breed, who have died of various things including old age. However she never leaves her dogs alone with children around and if she is unsure of the dog, it doesn't visit any home with children in it. This includes dogs that she has happily let other adults including myself walk on our own.

The fact he (presumably) prioritised his girlfriends worries about the dog being destroyed if anyone finds out,over your child's health and safety, tells you all you need to know.

She will know what it means for her dog when it's bitten a child. He's complied with hiding it so he can have a sec life with her.

That's the only reason they didn't tell you. Her feelings about the dog. His feelings about her. However she's deluded.

The dog sees itself as the boss of the children. One tried to climb on its couch and it bit him to tell him he's not allowed there. What rule will it make up next? No eating the human food is mine bite? No sleeping in that bed as the bed is mine bite? No cuddling dad as I'm jealous bite?

Nope. The kids can only see dad away from that house/dog. If the dog gets put down that's a shame but it's dangerous and should never have been bred.

Below quotes are from the original post. You think that is a responsible parent?!?

My ex didn’t tell me this had happened.
They tell me they didn’t go to the drs to get it looked at

SS might not want to be involved, and it might not be necessary but I’d notify them anyway because I’d want as big a paper trail as possible and to be as proactive as possible. Ears are so close to necks - the dog went for his face/neck, not his arm or leg. As another poster has said it’s an awful thing to say but your dc was very close to a much worse outcome. I’d tell school too, perhaps ask them to talk to dc and note what he says (as long as you are sure he won’t downplay Kay what happened). Make sure you have photos. Is your son frightened to go back?

I am a dog lover. I grew up with dogs including various bull breeds, and have one currently. Not XL. I don't think they are monsters, but they are too big and powerful for a family home and the breed lines are a disaster. The backyard breeders that have caused this shitshow in the first place are now breeding them in with Retrievers and German Shepherds to give them a broken or fluffy coat, so they don't classify as 'type', but I digress....

Your DC shouldn't be responsible for keeping themselves safe, picking up dog behaviour cues, having to navigate sharing a sofa with a dog that probably weighs more than twice as much as them. The ear was a warning from the dog. It would literally make mincemeat of them before their father could get his pants on and get downstairs.

There is no chance that my DC would be stepping foot over the threshold of that house again, until that dog was removed. Tell him that, in writing. Tell the police that. Tell the court that. There's really nothing more to it.

Photograph the ear, document everything on a timeline, dates, what the DC have said, GP visit, screenshots of texts so you'll have the evidence you need for court, should it get to that.

Currently he is making a choice, and it's a shit one. He needs to make a better one which will keep the children safe in order to have them back. Up to him now.

Absolutely awful that your child was bitten. Must have been frightening. I guess the silver lining is that you have evidence now that the dog is a danger and some solid ground not to send your children back there until the dog is gone. Of course in an ideal world it should never have happened and the father should have put his children first, however, they could have done the usual 'but the dog would never hurt a fly!'. They can't do that now. You have every right to be furious with him, he essentially put the dog and gf before the welfare or his children and that is not ok. Do not let them go back there and let him take you to court if he wants to.

The breed is irrelevant. The boys are visitors in the dogs home and the dog won't have the same view about them as it does its owner. Hence the silly woman mistakenly thinking her 'sweet' dog wouldn't harm a fly.

The dog has bitten the child and should never be alone with children again.

Report to social services.

Oh yes I agree, I'm not saying a Pomeranian who wanted to eat a human would be ideal and should be ignored as a potential threat. Just that it is preferable to an XL Bully wanting to eat a human

I wouldn’t go into a house where an XL Bully lived let alone send my children there- even if it had never bitten anyone. You can’t let the kids go there until the dog has gone OP.

Do not let them go back. Take photos of the bite and call SS.

Why are posters so confused about why ss need to be involved? The father put dc at risk yet he can still go to court and the op will have no power to stop him having the dc. A ss report/letter showing the incident occurred would surely be valuable to support the op’s side?

My blood ran cold thinking of your two children in the house with a potential killing machine. The fact it's already expressed territorial and aggressive behaviour is extremely concerning.

Your partner is useless and thinking of his dick before his own children's safety.

Horrible that anyone, but especially a parent, could brush off and minimise one of these huge and famously aggressive dogs biting a child.

Please don’t send your children back there, OP. Your ds has had a narrow escape. It’s a hill worth dying on for sure.

I think people thinking it's playful/accidental are most likely to be the ones who have died or lost loved ones to the second playful incident. I've had two dogs the second lived for 15 years not one playful/accidental bite in either....you always supervise any dog with children let alone a big powerful breed.

This sends shivers down my spine. Do not let your children back in that house until the dangerous animal that has been introduced to the household is gone. I'm sure you'll get lots of "we'll make sure they're never left alone with the dog" etc. but it's practically impossible for them not to on occasion (a quick trip to the loo, putting the rubbish out etc.).

This was before my time but have been told the story by my parents. When my older brother was a toddler he and my parents visited my grandparents who had recently got a dog (believe it was a bull type breed). It attacked my brother in the back garden whilst he was out there with my mum. My mum couldn't get the dog to unlock its jaws so eventually had to insert her own arm into the dog's mouth to get it to let go of my brother and threw him into an outhouse. They both ended up with a lot of stitches. If mum hadn't been present, my brother would most likely have been killed. The dog was being territorial and/or jealous of another creature invading its space. It was eventually destroyed.

Dogs kill, not just babies but fully grown adults too.

I think pps are focusing on the specific limitations of the role of SS, and how they aren’t the correct authority to turn to for this type of issue?

But I’m not sure, I don’t know enough about SS. It just all has that tone you get on threads where people are trying to make a point without saying it directly. And I have certainly seen plenty of threads over the years where people get angry about widespread misunderstanding of what SS can and cannot do.

It would depend if there is a court order in place

Unfortunately lots of people don't take their children to docs for small bites because they don't believe the dog is dangerous so don't want it put down....no matter what breed

Not to deal with the legalities of the dog, but to make them aware that the parent with 50% custody is putting them in a dangerous situation when they are under his care. He’s not making responsible parental choices in their best interests.