American XL Bully dog

[BettyALJF]

My ex and I have two sons (7&9) and share them 50/50. His girlfriend has an American XL bully dog that now lives with them. I’ve had reservations about the dog as it’s massive but I can’t stop them having it and know all dogs are different etc. I asked my ex to never leave them unsupervised with the dog, which the boys tell me they are on a morning when they go down for breakfast and their dad and gf stay upstairs and god knows when else. I pick my sons up on Saturday afternoon and the boys tell me that my youngest has been bitten on the ear by the dog on Thursday. My ex didn’t tell me this had happened. Once we are home I look at the bite and it’s pierced the skin. I asked them what happened and he said he got on the sofa and the dog barked at him and got his ear. He said it hurt and bled a lot. They tell me they didn’t go to the drs to get it looked at. Obviously when the skins been broken it can cause an infection, so I ring 111 to ask what to do and they send me to the hospital to get it checked out due to it being a Saturday. The doctor cleans the cut and says they have to report it to the police. I let my ex know all this and he has a go at me saying he didn’t know what I was trying to do and that I should have contacted him to find out what happened. I basically think they’ve not taken him as they are worried what will happen to the dog, therefore not putting our son’s safety first.
Regardless of what happened, it’s pierced the skin and as his father he has a duty of care and he should’ve taken him to the doctors for it to be checked, cleaned and given anti biotics. It may have been an accident, but I don’t want to risk ‘a second offence’ which may be a lot worse next time. I’ve told the police I don’t want the dog in the house when the boys are there, I don’t trust them to put the boys safety first anymore. Would you do the same thing in my situation?

OP you need to tell the school. They need to have it on record why the dcs aren’t in school. They also may well call the police which while it shouldn’t make a difference, in practice does.

Also see a solicitor and chase the police to do something about the dangerous dog.

this might achieve the grand total of fuck all, but if it goes to court for access, you can show you tried everything to keep your dcs safe.

The dog might have the necessary paperwork but now it has nipped a child that is irrelevant. It is a breed of dangerous dog that has a track record of attacks on children. It’s owners have proved themselves irresponsible by leaving it unsupervised with children. 91% of all children’s dog bites are from familiar dogs in the home, and that is all breeds, not necessarily breeds that are bred to be aggressive. It isn’t enough for OP to go through the motions. The father should not allow that dog to be in the same house as children, end of. She is clearly being gaslit by her husband and Police. It seems that she is not assertive in the face of that but she needs to be.

Any update, OP?

Oh I was thinking about this thread this morning. Hope OPs dcs are safe this holiday.

I’ve had to go down the legal route as he’s refusing to not have the dog there when the children are there. So just awaiting a court date. Hopefully will get a judge that doesn’t own an xl bully! Anyone know of any similar situations that have gone to court and the outcomes?!

Ear? Inch closer and it would have been half his face, for starters. Your ex is an irresponsible idiot and the dog needs to be destroyed. IT HAS ALREADY BITTEN YOUR CHILD. Don't let your children go there.

Make sure you are very proactive about trying to arrange contact in other ways while you’re waiting to go to court, hopefully you’ve had some legal advice now.

It all depends on the judge, but if they think you’re being neurotic (the misogyny through every part of the family court system!) Or not supportive of the child’s relationship with their father, they will not be as sympathetic to you.

so when you’re in court, be nice and calm and polite. Don’t let them paint you as “anxious”

do you have representation?

Best of luck. I really hope you get a sensible judge.

I can’t believe even a family court judge is going to risk a child being injured or even killed by them sending them into a home where an unsupervised XL has already bitten a child. They would have a lot to lose in terms of their reputation. Even one that owns an XL bully, or perhaps even especially, if they own an XL bully. They may be misogynists but they are not stupid. Most dog owners are fully aware that no dog, let alone a XL bully, should be left unsupervised with children.

Family court judges order children into unsafe situations all the time sadly. Google children killed by fathers, when they are forced to attend contact, despite a history of violence, judges are not accountable, the whole thing is done in private, and there are straight to penalties for disclosing details of proceedings.

I suspect the worst outcome here would be that the judge simply shrugs and takes the fathers word that he will keep the dog away from the kids, and maybe tells the OP off sternly.
in that case, the OP will have to send them or appeal.

you need to go in with so much humility, these judges are nutty as fuck sometimes (this from a decade of painful, personal experience). It can be like asking a hereditary Pier to conduct marriage, guidance counselling,

I guess the thing is that even if you have a bad time in court OP, there’s hope that the father will not want to take a risk at being proved wrong or unreliable simply because of pride if not a desire to protect his children. If I was you, I would be getting legal representation for this hearing as it’s too important . And again, I suggest a direct access barrister would be better and cheaper than working through a solicitor.

I take your point, especially about favouring Fathers but in this case it isn’t just a judgement about the Father, it is also a judgement about the feasibility of the Father protecting the child from a “dangerous dog” as defined by the law that has already proved it is a threat to the children. The father cannot promise to keep the dog separate within the house, both because he failed to supervise the dog before, and because it is impossible to keep a 5 stone dog confined in a house if it does not want to be confined. Several of the XL Bully attacks have been by dogs who broke down doors. I hope OP has the evidence of a dog behaviourist about the impossibility of keeping the children safe in the same house as the dog.

Don’t get me wrong, I think the kids shouldn’t be anywhere near that dog and the father has shown himself to be incapable of keeping them safe. I would do exactly what the OP is doing.

but I know the family court system, and I’m telling you, I would not be surprised if the judge just gives the dad a second chance and tells the mother to behave. It happens all the time.
when family court judges make bad decisions it very rarely comes back on them, I mean like vanishingly rarely. Usually you’ll see a different judge every time you go to court and they’ll make their own decisions based on what they believe, rather than evidence. It’s very difficult to challenge them or hold the. Accountable. That’s why you have be very skilful about your approach

if the op has evidence that she has really tried to make contact to happen safely, that will help. She needs to articulately explain why she is not happy to just take the father’s word that he will keep the dog away from the kids. The judge will view an interruption to the relationship with their father to be harmful as well, so they will balance the two things. Crazy I know but it’s the reality

@BettyALJF Has any progress been made?

There’s been two court hearings so far, one was an emergency online one to make sure the dog would be wearing a muzzle at all times around the children and not to leave them unsupervised with a penal notice attached to it. Cafcass are currently doing a section 7 report on it and have spoken to the children and speak to myself and my ex. This will be submitted at the next court hearing. My ex says he will keep to having the dog muzzled at all times (even though he said he didn’t think the dog needed to be!) but still wants to keep the dog. I’m saying this isn’t a long term solution, and that I dont want the dog there at all when the children are. This dog can open doors etc and my exes attitude towards the whole thing has made me not trust him to stick to it or become complacent over time. He is also saying it is a scratch and not a bite, even though I have the medical notes to prove it. He is saying the medical notes only say that because I told the doctor it was a bite. Which my child actually did not me and I’m sure a medical professional can tell the difference between a bite and a scratch. So we shall see what happens at the next court hearing.

Glad you have an update—keep fighting! I’d leave it up to XH to try to explain to the judge that it’s a scratch, not a bite, and make himself look like an idiot in the process.

Neglect. Failing to seek medical treatment for an injured child.

Grateful for the update OP. Well done for staying firm about this. Wishing you the right outcome.

@BettyALJF I've just come across your thread and I hope your children are safe and well.

My relative has an XL bully and is pregnant. She already has youngish DC and I'm so worried what will happen when a new baby enters the home.

I have real empathy with you OP.