American XL Bully dog

[BettyALJF]

My ex and I have two sons (7&9) and share them 50/50. His girlfriend has an American XL bully dog that now lives with them. I’ve had reservations about the dog as it’s massive but I can’t stop them having it and know all dogs are different etc. I asked my ex to never leave them unsupervised with the dog, which the boys tell me they are on a morning when they go down for breakfast and their dad and gf stay upstairs and god knows when else. I pick my sons up on Saturday afternoon and the boys tell me that my youngest has been bitten on the ear by the dog on Thursday. My ex didn’t tell me this had happened. Once we are home I look at the bite and it’s pierced the skin. I asked them what happened and he said he got on the sofa and the dog barked at him and got his ear. He said it hurt and bled a lot. They tell me they didn’t go to the drs to get it looked at. Obviously when the skins been broken it can cause an infection, so I ring 111 to ask what to do and they send me to the hospital to get it checked out due to it being a Saturday. The doctor cleans the cut and says they have to report it to the police. I let my ex know all this and he has a go at me saying he didn’t know what I was trying to do and that I should have contacted him to find out what happened. I basically think they’ve not taken him as they are worried what will happen to the dog, therefore not putting our son’s safety first.
Regardless of what happened, it’s pierced the skin and as his father he has a duty of care and he should’ve taken him to the doctors for it to be checked, cleaned and given anti biotics. It may have been an accident, but I don’t want to risk ‘a second offence’ which may be a lot worse next time. I’ve told the police I don’t want the dog in the house when the boys are there, I don’t trust them to put the boys safety first anymore. Would you do the same thing in my situation?

Yes - which is why I said that OP needs to proactive and ensure that hospital contacts police and police contact ss. Other posters have said that ss won’t be interested but it’s clear that they will. If I was OP I would try to ensure that ss had been made aware and I would contact them myself to ensure that it was noted that i was trying to protect my children. It’s a potentially lethal situation and I would be leaving no stone unturned, and I wouldn’t hesitate to keep contacting agencies.

For all the people who are saying “what will social services do?” and saying not to bother calling them, if this was actually you in this situation and your children were at a risk of DEATH I’m sure you wouldn’t have the same attitude then.

You would he grasping at any straw possible to try and stop your children having to go back to potentially a deathly situation. Reporting to social services is a building brick in building a case against having the children in the same place as the dangerous dog and even if it was a wasted phone call I would still be making it and asking SS to log the complaint.

OP - that is very identifying!!!

@BettyALJF do you want your ex and DS' names so visible on the internet?

You need to contact SS and the police yourself and you would be highly irresponsible if you ever let your children near the dog/house again. Let your ex take you to court for access or agree to a contact centre.

My father had a large and dangerous dog. The first time it bit someone it was dismissed (small bite, no real damage). The next time the bite caused 100 stitches to my father and would have killed a child. It is not a risk you can take.

This is not the remit for social services though in an instance where the mother is being proactive in protecting the kids and there is no social work involvement otherwise. Perhaps if people would stop advising "contact ss" for things that are not their area of function they'd have more time and availability to be getting on with their normal role. In this instance, it has been reported to the police. There is no court order in place so if mum withholds contact it would be up to dad to take it to court to contest this. Mum having called social services to say "a dog bit my son in their home" won't be relevant, if there are concerns about dad's ability to safeguard them the court will request their own report. The police being notified in this instance is sufficient.

Evidence that the parent left the child unattended with a dangerous dog and did not seek medical attention for the dog bite. That the mother sought medical attention once the child returned to her, and that the doctor instigated a police report. I used to work in social care. This should be in the child’s file.

Body - disagree. SS should know that the Dad leaves young kids alone with a dangerous dog and one has now been bitten. The police should contact ss, and op should check that they have. Agencies being linked up I s critical in child safeguarding. OP should also tell school and they should refer to. It’s a massive safeguarding issue - literally a matter of a child being exposed to a life threatening situation.

As the owner of a bull breed (not XL) I usually roll my eyes at some of the MN bully posts but honestly on this occasion you 1000% did the right thing!

Echo other posters - DC would not be going back while the dog is there.

If there is no court order you are breaking no laws to email him to inform him that following the incident where the dog which is resident at his address bit one of the children, they will no longer be attending for visits. He will have to apply for one in order to re establish contact with the children. All you need to do is wait for that to happen, if it does.

Tell him that you're happy to meet out in a safe neutral environment with them, but they won't be left alone with him, his decision making has clearly gone out of the window and how would you guarantee they woudn't go back to the address.

This is why it is important for you to keep everything documented, and for posters wigging out about whether Social Services will do something or not, if you have it on record that you contacted every agency you could think of who might help to safeguard your DC in this situation together for the court, why would that be a bad thing?

Yeah, too right. Makes you shudder, it could have bit his face it went for the little boys ear! Goodness me!

Child came to harm in the home... mother has taken steps to ensure child is no longer in the risky situation with the dog in that home. What are social workers going to do exactly?

Are these dogs not banned now?

I'm usually laidback with parenting. However I can tell you now there is no way on earth my kids would be going back there with that dog. Even if supervised there would be nothing an adult could do if this dog decides to turn. Do not take the chance it's not worth it. Report it to the police.

How is it feasible to not know, it’s all over the media.

Didn’t see the messages before removal but great you’ve screen shot and got him to say he doesn’t see the problem. Get evidence so if he does go to court you can show you weren’t just being difficult, he was not prepared to protect his child.

parents make mistakes, but I’m sorry even if he didn’t know you need to get dog bites that break the skin checked out, his gf as a dog owner should! And they both should know dogs like that should not be allowed to be alone with kids, particularly when they’ve not been raised as puppies around kids.

Do not doubt yourself, you have done the right thing. Your son needed a doctor to look at the ear, the doctor needed to be told the truth, the police needed to be informed, we have laws around this breed because we know they are not safe. Keeping it alive once the rules came in was on condition the GF properly took care of it to keep it safe. Putting children alone with the dog shows she’s not fit to keep anXL Bully.

You can’t buy or sell them, however if you already have one, you didn’t have to have it killed if it was microchipped, neutered, registered, has to be muzzled and on lead when in public.

Body - because if the dad goes to court for access the mum needs to have every possible piece of evidence to fight it, and every agency on her side. It doesn’t matter that ss don’t have to do anything now - we are talking about taking action now to prevent a future catastrophe if dad did get court ordered visits. She does not want to give the dad an opportunity to say ‘well you can’t have been that worried or…’.

i didn’t realise any names were showing as did it rushing around oops! I basically told him I was concerned, shocked he hasn’t told me or got it checked out as pierced the skin, took him to be seen to following 111’s advice. I’ve copied and pasted his reply:

Hi.

Not sure what you are trying to do here as a simple phone call and you would have found out what happened. Obviously too late to talk about it. I didn’t realise he was down at all due to him being very happy with us, never complaining about the cut afterwards and being fine playing football and being out playing with his friends all day. I will wait for the call.

Thanks for your concern.

Regards
Bit strange as when he got bitten for a dog in pets at home you didn’t call the police or take him to a&e but that must have been different.

Thanks.

Passive aggressive twat. Ignore.

Your ex is as dangerous as the dog is. He’s not protecting his children.

omg, that message.

Some people just have to be right, don’t they? Their fragile egos can’t tolerate anything less. Even when that means performing sarcasm at their ex instead of tackling a risk to their child’s actual life.

Ffs

Of course I read about it, that's why I wondered how very few of the posts have referred to the ban. All I'm reading is about sending or not sending the children there.

First thing to do is report the existence of this banned beast, make sure it's taken away, keep the kids at home, and take the legalities of visitation rights from there. Surely?

Telling social services isn't taking steps. Reporting to the police (who have powers) and stopping contact is taking steps. Social services get involved in contact decisions
made by protective parents where the children are not open to them in your area? I would say that's very much not in their remit but if you say so.

Sure, where the parents aren't acting protectively or where the dog lives in the same household as the child. Another agency may make a report because they don't know all the living and contact arrangements of the child who has been bitten. Doesn't mean the mum in this case needs to.