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Original poster

Help! Hub brought dog home - so angry

155 replies

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 25/08/2021 03:10

Hi,

We've just moved to a new house 2 weeks ago. My husbands family are obsessed with animals. His sister has 5 horses that she cant really afford (her house is falling into disrepair) and several dogs. His other sisters have horses, dogs and cats and his mother has 7 dogs, several cats and a few horses. I, however, although I love seeing his mothers animals when we visit, am NOT an animal person.

I've always said that while I love the animals, I CBA to put the time into dealing with an animal and I dont want messes and stains or food bowls in the house.

Anyway, 2 weeks into moving into a new house, my DHs mother calls asking if we want a Boxer puppy. Apparently a breeder she knows was moving house and needed to shift a litter quickly, as she knows his mother she was fine with giving us a pup. I heard the call as it was on speaker and laughed as I gazed around at all the boxes and piles of clothes etc. that happen when you move, I expected him to say something along the lines of, "are you fucking crazy???".

Anyway, she went and I didn't think about it until a couple of days later DH asks me, so are we having the dog? I said, what? Are you serious, to which he started saying how much our youngest wants a dog blah blah. I pointed out that he had a snake and didn't care for it, we had to give it to another child of mine in the end.

Anyway, the subject dragged on for a couple of days, I was saying how I didnt want it in my house, I refused to have anything to do with it if they got it etc and after a while it transpired that he'd agreed to go and pick up the dog the next day if I agreed. I said nothing and the next day he called me asking if he was collecting her (the puppy). I went through a long list of reasons why I didnt want it and instead of listening he just rebutted everything I said, saying things like "it'll be ok". (It turned out later that he'd already collected her at this point Shock

He came home with her and my son was delighted, they both agreed they'd do everything for her. I asked hub where her basket/food/blanket/toys, that I assumed he'd bought and he had nothing. I said she'll be hungry FFS. She'll be fine he said.

Obviously, I had to insist that we went out immediately to buy all she needed! So now I'm being dragged in.

He's at work all day and I'm having to make sure shes fed on time (I homeschool, so my son who was adamant he wanted her has to do it), I have to make sure shes toileted to avoid a mess and worse, I now find that I'M the one researching her care. From food to teeth cleaning, from toilet training to behavioural training, anything you can think of, I'm the one that has to do it all and I DON'T WANT A DOG.

Shes really sweet and I'm lovely to her, but I just want her gone. Although she's pretty good with going outside, she's pissed on the carpets twice and just now has shit on the cream lounge carpet. They cleaned it up, but the smell is disgusting.

My hubs mother has been the perfect MIL, but now I just want to wring her crazy neck for even suggesting something so mental while we're moving in and have a big refurb planned.

We waited 2 years for this house and I just can't be bothered any more. I had plans for it and I just want to run away, I don't care if it stays exactly as it is, I feel like the excitement I had for the first two weeks pre-dog has just been snatched away.

Theres dog food in the cupboards, dog bowls on the floor, dog beds in the lounge and my sons room, I can't just go out without thinking about her and her needs and I'll NEVER be able to do that, even when shes grown - she'll be a large, very energetic dog. I'll have to make vets visits, I'll have to have her in my car (yes, I know, properly harnessed etc), shes in the house running around, her treat things are everywhere, she licks me (yes, I know dog people love this, but I'm not one and to be fair I made this really clear to my husband) her teething treats get eaten and although I havent seen mess, I'm aware that the saliva coated stick is being pushed around all over the floor ... idk ... I'm just beyond devastated.

My husband is very experienced with dogs as he was brought up with them in his mental family (yes, I absolutely have changed the way I feel after having this forced upon me) yet I'm the one dealing with it all.

Dont get me wrong, she isn't being mistreated even slightly, I give her attention (she is really sweet) I praise her, I play with her in between lessons, my hub and son take her outside when he gets back from work but I'm just gutted. I've never had a dog and I knew I didnt want one, ever. I've brought up 7 children and I was happy that I'm finally getting some life back and now I have this to deal with.

I'm SO angry.

I feel like I'm living someone else's life. Can anyone offer any advice please, I'm just beyond gutted at the commitment :(

OP posts:
SunShinesBrightly · 25/08/2021 03:21

He came home with her and my son was delighted, they both agreed they'd do everything for her. I asked hub where her basket/food/blanket/toys, that I assumed he'd bought and he had nothing. I said she'll be hungry FFS. She'll be fine he said.

Obviously, I had to insist that we went out immediately to buy all she needed! So now I'm being dragged in.

Your DH does what he likes doesn’t he?
Why didn’t you tell him to turn around and take the dog back?
By buying everything it needed you effectively made your home the dog’s home.

NantesElephant · 25/08/2021 03:27

Rehome the dog. Maybe it’s the only language that will get through to your H. I wouldn’t even have gone out and bought things for it. It was his responsibility.

redtshirt50 · 25/08/2021 03:37

Your actions aren't matching up with your words, so maybe in his eyes, you don't mean what you're saying.

You need to show him you mean it when you say you won't be looking after the dog. I wouldn't have out to get any for it either.

You also gave mixed messages saying

'I was saying how I didn't want it in my house, I refused to have anything to do with it if they got it etc'

You should have given a firm NO at the time, not you can get it but I wont be helping. That gave him the green light to bring it home.

If his family loves dogs so much maybe one of them can take it?

Immaculatemisconception · 25/08/2021 03:53

Poor dog.

1forAll74 · 25/08/2021 04:02

Well, you might change your tune, when you have to do a five mile dog walk everyday, and get super fit.

Original poster
WeatherwaxOrOgg · 25/08/2021 04:23

@SunShinesBrightly

He doesn't normally do what he wants, it's why this is SO bizarre and annoying.

You're right about my mistake buying everything but I do sort of have a reason ... I felt so bloody selfish for saying no to a dog. I suppose I felt like it wasn't really my place to deprive him of the love of an animal like a dog so yes, I certainly wasn't assertive enough, I agree. Also, there was a little dog here with no food or anything, I couldn't just leave it.

@redshirt50 Yes, I did give mixed messages because I feel like such a bitch saying no, my son has wanted a dog for so long. To be honest, I didn't expect the subject to come up yet and I was sort of broadsided by it, I suppose that's why I haven't handled it well :(

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 25/08/2021 04:29

From your OP, he asked you a few times and you replied with a list of reasons why not. He then saw these as barriers to break down in order to break you down.

Am I right in my interpretation of this? Can I ask why you didn't just flat out say no?

Original poster
WeatherwaxOrOgg · 25/08/2021 04:33

@Immaculatemisconception I do agree, but please don't worry, I'm taking really good care of her, my son is playing with her and she sleeps in his room, I promise you that she has no idea how much I don't want her, I praise her, play with her, she runs up to me with her tail wagging.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 25/08/2021 04:34

Sorry left the thread open and ended up x posting!

I don't understand why your guilt (prior to the dog getting here, once it arrived there wasn't much you could do) overrode your deep desire to NOT have a dog.

Its like kids. If one categorically does not want one, their wants trump the one that does. He's backed you into a corner and now you're the bad guy. This is really bad and leaves you in a no win situation really.

Remove and upset your son. Keep her and resent DH every time you end up caring for her.

Sparklfairy · 25/08/2021 04:35

Rehome not remove

Original poster
WeatherwaxOrOgg · 25/08/2021 04:35

@Sparklfairy I did say no, many times, but I think I wasn't as assertive as I should have been because I didn't imagine it would happen the way it did. It's so out of character for him to do this. He just thinks it's great for our son and I got railroaded.

But you're all right that I should have been more assertive and I would have been, I think if I had realised what was going to happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
WeatherwaxOrOgg · 25/08/2021 04:37

@Sparklfairy sorry I've just read your second post and YES, you've hit the nail on the head, either way I'm the bad guy. You're so right.

OP posts:
HungryHippo11 · 25/08/2021 04:38

@Sparklfairy

From your OP, he asked you a few times and you replied with a list of reasons why not. He then saw these as barriers to break down in order to break you down.

Am I right in my interpretation of this? Can I ask why you didn't just flat out say no?

I agree with this. "Can we get a dog" "If you get a dog I won't be feeding or walking it"

That's not a "no" really. However, I still think he is totally unreasonable to have got the dog without your express permission especially as you're now looking after it.

I think you should take the dog back to the breeder. He didn't ask your permission to get the dog, he isn't even looking after it, so just do what he did and take it back without permission too.

Sparklfairy · 25/08/2021 04:40

Its crap. I honestly don't see a way out of it without you being blamed and feeling MORE guilt than if you'd just said no (properly!) in the first place.

PurpleOkapi · 25/08/2021 04:41

If your husband grew up with dogs, surely he knows that they need food and toys and lots of other supplies? It's strange that he apparently didn't intend to go buy any of that until you forced him. Was he planning to just feed her table scraps forever? That's really bad for them, as you probably know.

SoosanCarter · 25/08/2021 04:52

Are you in the UK? Homeschooling in the holidays?

HungryHippo11 · 25/08/2021 04:57

@SoosanCarter

Are you in the UK? Homeschooling in the holidays?
Not sure why it matters but schools in Scotland have gone back now. Plus school holidays are dictated by the school, home schooling parents can choose when they have holidays (if it was up to me I would take a break in June and July when the weather is decent rather than August!)
DulciUke · 25/08/2021 05:06

Rehome the dog, OP. Tell your husband that it is literally affecting your marriage and your feelings for him. My brother had a wife that kept bringing stray dogs home and it was one of the factors that broke up their marriage. Not the only thing, I'm sure, but it was a constant irritant . He simply didn't want to deal with them.

AngelDelightUK · 25/08/2021 06:02

Tell him to step up or she goes

Puppies are hard, when I was married I persuaded hubby to get a third and while she was the best thing that ever happened to me, he never bonded her the way he did the other two. When she played up he used to tell her “we never should have got you” and if I asked him to walk them one day it would be “you wanted three”. She loved her Daddy too, he died when she was about 3.5 and she was the one who pined for him.

I’m biased and would say you will grow to love her, but Boxers aren’t breeds for the faint hearted. As she gets older theres always doggy day care to give you a break, or dog walkers. She will become your sons best friend.

Oh and get a carpet cleaner. They are a lifeline when you’ve got a pup.

Knittingupastorm · 25/08/2021 06:07

I’d so furious about this and the dog would 100% be rehomed immediately.

Kanaloa · 25/08/2021 06:11

I don’t understand why you accepted him bringing the dog home.

He said shall we get a dog, you said no I don’t want one, then he showed up with one. Immediately at the door I would have said take that back, we aren’t having a dog. I think you should also have refused to be sucked into giving him long lists of reasons why you don’t want a puppy, it should have just been ‘I don’t want a puppy.’

Pets should only be allowed in the home if everyone in the house is in agreement about it. If one person doesn’t want one, the dog shouldn’t be allowed. It sounds harsh but otherwise someone in the house will always resent the animal, because there’s no way to live in a house with a puppy and not have it affect your life.

icklekid · 25/08/2021 06:12

Can the dog go with dh to work? That’s the biggest problem he needs to answer if you are going to step back. If you’re homeschooling it’s not surprising that your ds looking after the fog means you will too unless he’s gone for a bit - which might give you the break it sounds like you need

Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo · 25/08/2021 06:15

How you phrased it in your post made it sound as though you didn’t actually say a firm no. But you’ve said you did so he’s out of order. I wouldn’t want a dog - the responsibility, tie, expense, mess etc so I would be taking it back.

LEMtheoriginal · 25/08/2021 06:15

Regardless of everything that you say here, and rightly so, she is YOUR dog. This happened to my mum, dad bought random puppy home, mum went mental and refused to have anything to do with him.

Of course he became her dog and their bond was incredible.

Kanaloa · 25/08/2021 06:16

Also, as much as people insist dogs are good for kids and they’ll be ‘best friends’ they won’t really, will they? Your child has already got bored with his previous pet and will likely get bored with this one too. He’s not likely to want to be mopping up dog piss every day and walking a dog in the pouring rain, and add to that it’s a big boisterous breed that your husband has already shunted onto you to do all the shit work for.