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Help! Hub brought dog home - so angry

155 replies

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 25/08/2021 03:10

Hi,

We've just moved to a new house 2 weeks ago. My husbands family are obsessed with animals. His sister has 5 horses that she cant really afford (her house is falling into disrepair) and several dogs. His other sisters have horses, dogs and cats and his mother has 7 dogs, several cats and a few horses. I, however, although I love seeing his mothers animals when we visit, am NOT an animal person.

I've always said that while I love the animals, I CBA to put the time into dealing with an animal and I dont want messes and stains or food bowls in the house.

Anyway, 2 weeks into moving into a new house, my DHs mother calls asking if we want a Boxer puppy. Apparently a breeder she knows was moving house and needed to shift a litter quickly, as she knows his mother she was fine with giving us a pup. I heard the call as it was on speaker and laughed as I gazed around at all the boxes and piles of clothes etc. that happen when you move, I expected him to say something along the lines of, "are you fucking crazy???".

Anyway, she went and I didn't think about it until a couple of days later DH asks me, so are we having the dog? I said, what? Are you serious, to which he started saying how much our youngest wants a dog blah blah. I pointed out that he had a snake and didn't care for it, we had to give it to another child of mine in the end.

Anyway, the subject dragged on for a couple of days, I was saying how I didnt want it in my house, I refused to have anything to do with it if they got it etc and after a while it transpired that he'd agreed to go and pick up the dog the next day if I agreed. I said nothing and the next day he called me asking if he was collecting her (the puppy). I went through a long list of reasons why I didnt want it and instead of listening he just rebutted everything I said, saying things like "it'll be ok". (It turned out later that he'd already collected her at this point Shock

He came home with her and my son was delighted, they both agreed they'd do everything for her. I asked hub where her basket/food/blanket/toys, that I assumed he'd bought and he had nothing. I said she'll be hungry FFS. She'll be fine he said.

Obviously, I had to insist that we went out immediately to buy all she needed! So now I'm being dragged in.

He's at work all day and I'm having to make sure shes fed on time (I homeschool, so my son who was adamant he wanted her has to do it), I have to make sure shes toileted to avoid a mess and worse, I now find that I'M the one researching her care. From food to teeth cleaning, from toilet training to behavioural training, anything you can think of, I'm the one that has to do it all and I DON'T WANT A DOG.

Shes really sweet and I'm lovely to her, but I just want her gone. Although she's pretty good with going outside, she's pissed on the carpets twice and just now has shit on the cream lounge carpet. They cleaned it up, but the smell is disgusting.

My hubs mother has been the perfect MIL, but now I just want to wring her crazy neck for even suggesting something so mental while we're moving in and have a big refurb planned.

We waited 2 years for this house and I just can't be bothered any more. I had plans for it and I just want to run away, I don't care if it stays exactly as it is, I feel like the excitement I had for the first two weeks pre-dog has just been snatched away.

Theres dog food in the cupboards, dog bowls on the floor, dog beds in the lounge and my sons room, I can't just go out without thinking about her and her needs and I'll NEVER be able to do that, even when shes grown - she'll be a large, very energetic dog. I'll have to make vets visits, I'll have to have her in my car (yes, I know, properly harnessed etc), shes in the house running around, her treat things are everywhere, she licks me (yes, I know dog people love this, but I'm not one and to be fair I made this really clear to my husband) her teething treats get eaten and although I havent seen mess, I'm aware that the saliva coated stick is being pushed around all over the floor ... idk ... I'm just beyond devastated.

My husband is very experienced with dogs as he was brought up with them in his mental family (yes, I absolutely have changed the way I feel after having this forced upon me) yet I'm the one dealing with it all.

Dont get me wrong, she isn't being mistreated even slightly, I give her attention (she is really sweet) I praise her, I play with her in between lessons, my hub and son take her outside when he gets back from work but I'm just gutted. I've never had a dog and I knew I didnt want one, ever. I've brought up 7 children and I was happy that I'm finally getting some life back and now I have this to deal with.

I'm SO angry.

I feel like I'm living someone else's life. Can anyone offer any advice please, I'm just beyond gutted at the commitment :(

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 25/08/2021 06:18

Drop the dog at mils, say you said no and Dh came home with it anyway, with no food toys food bowls bed or anything, and has strolled off to work leaving you to care for a puppy as well as homeschooling (& working?) and either the dog goes or you do and dh can work out his own homeschooling puppy care and work schedule while you waltz off to enjoy being as selfish as he is.

girlmom21 · 25/08/2021 06:19

I refused to have anything to do with it if they got it etc

Things like this are your issue. You didn't say no, you just said you wouldn't help with the dog.

The fact DH kept asking and you never said no kind of meant you gave your permission really. If you'd have been more assertive you wouldn't have a dog.

PieceOfString · 25/08/2021 06:23

Wow! That's mental! Shocked your husband overruled you and disregarded your very clear wishes! To have a responsibility foisted upon you is just so bad. I'm shocked anyone could be so cavalier with their partners stance on such a long term commitment. I would really struggle to get past that and the fact he's letting you pick up the dealing with it and not even attempting to shield you from the onus of a pretty is asking insult to injury! 😲

PieceOfString · 25/08/2021 06:23

Of a pet

Originally · 25/08/2021 06:31

OP, you urgently need some assertiveness training.

PieceOfString · 25/08/2021 06:37

@timeisnotaline

Drop the dog at mils, say you said no and Dh came home with it anyway, with no food toys food bowls bed or anything, and has strolled off to work leaving you to care for a puppy as well as homeschooling (& working?) and either the dog goes or you do and dh can work out his own homeschooling puppy care and work schedule while you waltz off to enjoy being as selfish as he is.
This
Mummyoflittledragon · 25/08/2021 06:42

My husband is veer experiences with dogs

He clearly isn’t. He didn’t even bother to attend to its basic needs, let alone plan for training. Can you drop the dog at your mil’s or Sil’s place and say you don’t want it? Either one of them can deal with it seeing as they’re such animal fanatics.

I cannot believe how stupid your husband is or how you can still believe he’s experienced with dogs for it sounds as though he’s never cared for or trained one. The dog is a boxer ffs. Known to be incredibly energetic dogs and highly destructive if they don’t get plenty of exercise and mental stimulation.

You clearly don’t want the dog. Are you actually equipped to care for her and train her? Boxers don’t make good pets for inexperienced or unwilling owners.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/08/2021 06:42

Oops sorry about the misquote…

Muma1992 · 25/08/2021 07:30

You let the dog in and insisted on going buying everything for it immediately, rather than turning your husband and the dog away? I'm confused.

GoWalkabout · 25/08/2021 07:44

Decide now if its a no (if you are going to be the baddie - which is unfair, just keep reminding dh I didn't agree and you picked it up anyway - best get it over with ASAP) or if you are going to make it work properly (reclaim your home, throw yourself in to a positive relationship with the dog, get dh organised looking after it). Do not stay resentful and passive because its just going to ruin the move for you.

pleasekeeptotheright · 25/08/2021 07:51

"I know dog people love this, but I'm not one and to be fair I made this really clear to my husband"

You didn't. You said that they could get one but that you'd have nothing to do with caring for the dog...then promptly took over caring for the dog.

Your husband sounds like he hasn't the faintest clue about looking after a dog do why are you calling him "very experienced"? His whole family sound neglectful towards their animals to be honest.

LaBelleSauvage123 · 25/08/2021 08:01

OP I am so sympathetic towards you as I share your feelings about dogs. Love other peoples’ but really don’t want one. DH is desperate for a dog so I feel mean saying no, but I just know I’d resent the responsibility and demands owning one would bring. I have been really clear about this to DH and said that if he does get one it will belong to him and be entirely his responsibility. It’s too late for you to do that but I think you need to sit down with DH and explain how you feel about the dog.

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 25/08/2021 08:07

I would simply rehome the dog without any further discussion with my husband.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 25/08/2021 08:13

Arrange some days out for you and the dc.. Remind dh he will be staying home with his ddog.
Do not do any vet trips.

Do not buy anything else for it.
Or sit down and do a ddoggy budget. I bet he has no clue..

BlackShadowCat · 25/08/2021 08:21

I hate to say it but you are coming across as a bit wet here, OP. I don’t understand why you are mad with your in-laws. This is 100% on him. You need to stand up for yourself.

HollyGrail · 25/08/2021 08:22

Can you have some dog free rooms - so you can continue with plans for your lovely new home? I would firmly inform DS (as he will be first to lapse on the responsibilities) and then DH (he will be second to lapse on responisbilities) that the dog is rehomed if they don't look after it properly ie lots of walks, training, cleaning up after it. Otherwise it will fall to you and as you feel for the dog you will end up taking them over, or doing them properly as they aren't being done.

DancesWithTortoises · 25/08/2021 08:23

Put your foot down, OP.

If he wants a dog he can move out with it.

Dontjudgeme101 · 25/08/2021 08:24

You need to sit down with your dh and sort out this dog situation. I am not a dog person, so get where you are coming from. It won’t be easy, but nevertheless it needs to happen. Good luck op💐

Lilymossflower · 25/08/2021 08:39

Put the pup up for sale. Or if that would upset your child too much then kick both dh and the dog out.
Don't know if that's realistic actually but wow, what a level of blatant disrespect from your husband. It would be a breakupable reason for me

girlmom21 · 25/08/2021 08:57

@MacavityTheDentistsCat

I would simply rehome the dog without any further discussion with my husband.
This is probably why divorce rates are so high...

He asked her about the dog, she never once said no. She tip-toed around giving an answer and settled with 'if you do I won't look after it' then has decided to bond with the dog.
If she'd have said no, I'm sure he wouldn't have come home with it.

SophieHMS · 25/08/2021 09:09

The OP is a people pleaser I would imagine. Keeps the peace. Gets things done that her family take for granted and don't see. Goes with the flow. Finally some independence from major mothering phase of life. Hopes, expects, assumes that her DH - usually an ally in her life - will be happy to see her enjoying their new home and increased freedom. Assumes DH of many years knows her views on dogs. Trusts DH of many years not to make life changing decisions unilaterally.

I can totally see how the OP feels a profound rage. It's not just about the dog. It's about her DH not seeing or valuing her needs and wants inlife, her being used to accommodate and facilitate a "family life" that all enjoy but which is managed by her thought and work.

It's the sort of thing that could break my relationship in any case - she's been backed into a corner where she will look like a shit whatever she does. It's the sort of thing that she'll never quite get over - being "unseen", and taken for granted and her good nature abused rather than cherished.

BlackShadowCat · 25/08/2021 09:14

I actually would be tempted to rehome the dog while he’s at work and when he comes home and asks, just say “What dog?”. I wouldn’t but hopefully I wouldn’t have let things get this far in the first place.

DoubleTweenQueen · 25/08/2021 09:38

@WeatherwaxOrOgg Hang on - the breeder was moving house and needed to shift a litter quickly? A decent breeder has a waiting list and puppies will usually already have a prospective home when they're born. How much did you pay for the puppy?
Also, generally if a puppy needs to be rehomed before 6 months, it is a contractual agreement that it goes back to the breeder for rehoming?

What sort of 'breeder' is this? Boxers are pricey dogs.

DoubleTweenQueen · 25/08/2021 09:39

I hope your DH isn't intending to breed from her?

Enough4me · 25/08/2021 09:43

I'm happy others have dogs, but it would have been a no way from me...it's me or the dog!