Well - if you were just at the birthday party with me - thanks so much for the most miserable 2 hours I've had in ages!

[Flamesparrow]

So DD got her first pre-school party invite.

RL people I don't know scare me, but I knew I couldn't let that get in the way of her going, so I said she could go.

I went. I stayed. I tried smiling and saying hello to some of the other mums that were there (a lot dumped n ran), but I was just looked at and they wandered off to talk to their friends.

So I have spent 2 hours sat in more or less silence, apart from lady in hat who spoke to me in the last 5 mins.

I was even completely passed by when they were passing round grown up food!

I dressed nicely, I am clean, apart from a slightly terrified expression (turning to tearful by the end) I think I looked vaguely human.

I've come home feeling like I was picked last for gym.

It was a huge step for me to go there not knowing anyone, and I've come back dreading any more invites as the thought of another 2 hours like that makes me cry.

Is it really that hard to be friendly to an obviously nervous alone mother???

lord this sometimes happens where i am as it's such a mixed area you ftech up all sorts of places. my reaction to this would have been, what a funny bunch of cave dwellers, i wonder why they don't have any social skills? and then sit writing mental lists or thinking about stuff after i'd sussed out they were troglodytes. i hope your dd had a good time time. by pitching up and being polite in the face of rudeness you probably won some more thoughtful souls there over.

You weren't the Mam arguing with the 'waitress' about ham sandwiches were you?That was the only one I didn't speak to at the party this am.

Message withdrawn

How come all theo other Mums wherever I go always seem to already know each other? I am fed up of cliques everywhere, thank God I have friends, separate from kids activites cos most of the places I go no one ever speaks. Miserable cows the lot of them!

Why don't you know the other pre-school mums, flamesparrow? Do you not chat to them when you take and collect dd, and do you not invite other kids for the occaisional playdate? Explain!

Don't get me wrong,I really feel for you, it's just that I don't fully understand the situation.

Sound like complete wITCHES as Edwina Currie recently said. No manners and I hate people like that because they are bringing up children who will continue the selfish attitude. Unfortunately welcome to the world of mums!

Even at the gyn most women seems to go with their friend or group of freinds so when you turn up there on your own you feel excluded straight away.

mousie - don't know flamesparrow's situation, but if she, like me, works fulltime then she won't be doing drop off and pick up at school, so won't get to know anybody that way ...

Hate going to kids parties - especially in soft play centres - hate them, hate them - and I one of the lucky ones who's managed to meet a few of the other parents (by being the one who goes to PTA events, and that sort of thing)

Agree cos I work I don't do a lot of collecting and picking up, so when i do I don't know whose Mum is who. But even when DS2 started nursery on the first day a lot of Mums already seemed to know each other and were only interested in talking to each other. One of them is so rude that even after 6 months she still blanks me.. am so tempted to just punch her in the face!

I don't do any pick up or drop offs either as work.

Sorry - went out for a bit and whinged at my mum... her take on it were that most of the mums came as pairs and were so wrapped up with eachother they don't notice the odd one out - dunno!

School drop offs - Most started a couple of months before DD (she is one of the youngest, so in the last intake), and they had all started making the cliques before I got there (a lot have older ones at the school too so knew each other already iyswim). I have 2 mums that I get on well with, so 4 mornings a week I talk to them (I guess another clique), and the 5th I need to make more of an effort . The children mix with different groups in preschool, so the two of the parents I am friends with weren't invited - and doubtful will be to any of DD's group of friends.

The irony is I think that the mum of the party probably would have been chatty had she not been in hosting mode sorting out video camera, food and everything else so not being able to talk to anyone!

I'll try much more confidence on Monday morning (is drinking for the school run wrong?)!! Committee meeting Monday night too which could break the ice with a few mums.

Thank you for all the replies - a lot of this is my own nerves and insecurities.

Oh, and no ham sandwiches, so it wasn't you

I think try to get in there and get to know a few more mums...not all will be cliquey...things will get easier.

Going to the committee meeting is great and helping out at pre-school would help too if you are able to every so often.

I am quite a shy person so it is hard for me to make friends with other mums but it has been so worth it. My dd is in Y2 now and I really like nearly all the mums/dads, they are a great bunch. Obviously some groups of mums are nicer and more approachable than others sometimes though!

Flame - horrible people. I can be the first to say that you are lovely in RL.
I don't mind spending time talking to you. Come and join my choccie party on Monday night if you like - 8pm!
Chin up!! x

Awww Sparkler - I would love to, but I have the meeting!! Won't be done there til half eight

Never mind. Meant to ask if you and Psycho got sorted out doing parties?

Nope - she is into ballet show season, I'm in the process of setting up shop online, and it seemed to go by the wayside - and now it'll be too late for the easter season if you are already having a party We'll have to try and get our act together for next Christmas!!

I'll second that Flame. You deffo don't have 2 heads. It isn't you, you're lovely and I thought so the first time we met.

I did pmsl @ SD's pirate costume comment - is that not normal attire then???

Surfer - There is a woman who helps out at preschool who reminds me sooo much of you... you don't have a relation that works with preschoolers do you??

you poor thing

I am very outgoing and even I find these things a trial so I can't imagine how VILE they must be for you.

Sympathies, Flamesparrow. I've been to parties where everyone seems to know each other apart from me, and it is horrible. There is bound to be someone else there who feels a bit like you, though.

If I do talk to anyone,I get stuck in an awful smalltalk loop and I can see they're desperate to get away and can't and I feel myself becoming more and more boring....

god almightly

its bloody riduculous, isn't it?

I take a book to these things and have no problems reading them

BUT

I actually don't feel the need to chat to other mothers with kids the same age as mine. tbh, why should I?

I don't read Jackie Collins (sorry) or hello. I don't wear boots and don't have a bobcut. Nor do I drive a 4 x4 or give a feck about local school league tables. Ergo I have naff all in common with 90% of the local mums. Which is fine but...I am not going to get upset that we don't click. Fact of life.

(by which I do not mean that I ignore other mums, I just...I dunno, I don't feel upset if they don't really want to chat to me. We are usually not each others sort, tbh.)

Fillyjonk you sound like the sort of Mum I would love to talk to!

oh good, i do like talking to people

just not about cars or victoria beckham

No, not a relly of mine. What does she do that reminds you of me then - get drunk and draws willies?!