Well - if you were just at the birthday party with me - thanks so much for the most miserable 2 hours I've had in ages!

[Flamesparrow]

So DD got her first pre-school party invite.

RL people I don't know scare me, but I knew I couldn't let that get in the way of her going, so I said she could go.

I went. I stayed. I tried smiling and saying hello to some of the other mums that were there (a lot dumped n ran), but I was just looked at and they wandered off to talk to their friends.

So I have spent 2 hours sat in more or less silence, apart from lady in hat who spoke to me in the last 5 mins.

I was even completely passed by when they were passing round grown up food!

I dressed nicely, I am clean, apart from a slightly terrified expression (turning to tearful by the end) I think I looked vaguely human.

I've come home feeling like I was picked last for gym.

It was a huge step for me to go there not knowing anyone, and I've come back dreading any more invites as the thought of another 2 hours like that makes me cry.

Is it really that hard to be friendly to an obviously nervous alone mother???

LOL the mums here still remember me last year when my hair was pink, and I still dont exactly fit in. I managed to talk to someone at ds2's birthday party today, it was (as ever) a dad and it was briefly.

Now Dh he has always got someone to chat to, I think they think he's a poor hard done by chap, being married to me and so skinny (coz I must never feed him right? ).

Seriously Flame, dont let it get to you. I still feel very out of place at these things. I'm fab with people one to one, but large groups of people who are mostly related to each other, ort who ahve known each other for several reincarnations phase me badly. I generally take a book, and I choose to sit away from people- I should probably stop doing that it looks ruder than it is meant .

Once i took my DHs mp3 player and sat and listened to that. Sometimes it is amusing to be as rude as possible!

Poor you. It never ceases to amaze me how unsisterly groups of women can be. It's like being back at school. Pah.

In the beginning I didn't feel the need to chat to other mums either. But, I never felt that they were excluding me and after time I got friendly with them and of course now we all have each other to talk to and a couple of them are now real proper bestest friends

At the end of the day these parties are for the kids and so we should'nt spend a minutes time worrying about ourselves not fitting in.

I think offering to help with the food or whatever is a good ice-breaker and an ideal opportunity to chat with the other mums. And if their small talk is about victoria beckham or what's in hello this week, then so be it - small talk isn't meant to be earth shattering now is it!!

no but small talk isn't meant to be so mind numbingly tedious that you want to gnaw your arm off just to find an excuse to leave. thats hello and victoria beckham out then...

agree these parties are for the kids.

an important part of parties imo is that kids learn to be polite to others etc, through example.

us mums are allowed to be upset if we are excluded. that hurts.

What rude and unkind people
I would have talked to you if i had been there,i dont like to see people on their own.

Right but isn't it more important that you're kids are integrating as after all the party is for them not us... Also, if such people are generally mind-numbingly tedious to converse with then why worry about being excluded from them at all (I know you said you weren't so am not referring to you)?

OR!!!!! Why not take a friend of your own along so you can chat to them in complete confidence about world peace, literature and the meaning of life etc... You may need to bribe them to attend a childs party (especially if they're child-free) but maybe it would be worth it to feel more comfortable and less out of it.

i think i would ahve played with the children!

yuck, sounds like the mom and toddler group i used to go to.... misrable cows!

sorry you had to feel so awful lik the others said, next time bring a book and exude an air of calm indifferance.

(bet they're all boring and dull anyway, probably a good thing you didn't have to endure small talk with them )

but cp...

the op is upset that people have been, basically, stunningly rude

I can see why she is upset

I think other mums behave appallingly a lot of the time. Theres a horrible playground mentality of exclusion and requiring conformity a lot of the time. Its on here, too. If people are different they are a. snobs (or lentil weavers) and b. attention seeeking and willfully different. Its bloody boring and I can't be bothered to participate, tbh.

FS is right to feel upset.

And actually I think it would be rather rude to take a friend along.

Aww Flame, I agree these people have been horribly rude.
When I did dd1's party the other week I as the host apart from running around doing the usual stuff, ensured that all the mums had been introduced to each other and arranged the seats (to the annoyance of the play centre as I accidently blocked a fire exit and had to move them again ) so that we were one big group, who could interact and chat, so no odd ones out.
I really hope you have a better experience with them on the next party {{{Hugs}}}

Just gto back from a party actually. I have to sit apart at these places as I have to be close to supervise ds1 and the others tend to sit well back, however I realised how invisible I truly was when a group of the dad stood in front of me so close I was inches from their bums . That annoyed me.

However once they were all in a small group it was fine as I could help with food, and then teach the kids how to use static to glue the balloons to the wall (using ds1's curly hair LOL). Much mroe fun then

Kids V Adults = kids imo.

that is horrible - how insensitive to leave you sitting on your own. I am one of those people soupy would hate because if someone is on there own I make a point of going and having a chat. This does not come easily to me as I am shy at times, it is just I can remember getting into the car after a toddler group and sobbing because no one had even looked at me. It was a horrid feeling and I am sorry it happened to you.

I'm sorry, I never got back to this.

Going to try n be brave this morning and at least smile hopefully at a few of em (this is when we find out which playground mums are on MN )

Surfer - pmsl... not seen any drunken willies at preschool - she just looks like you (norks n all )!

Yes, the party is for the kids, but there is no need for adults to be bloody miserable.

hope it went better this morning flamesparrow. I grinned at everyone in the playground incase one of them was you!

(If your saw some insane woman you suspected could be drunk smiling mindlessly at you our children go to the same school.)

How'd it go?

pmsl DT

I didn't end up speaking to any of the party mums, but I did speak to another one