Do you think it is rude to turn up at a party with siblings that aren't invited?

[sandyballs]

I'm not talking about little babies who probably need to be with their mum and aren't a problem sitting in their buggies, but older siblings.

My DDs are in reception and are in separate classes and therefore they often get invited to separate parties which I don't have a problem with. But I wouldn't dream of turning up with the other one if she wasn't invited. However, another mum of twins in the same year always turns up with both of her girls regardless of what it says on the invite, and she usually brings their older (year 2) daughter. It's not a case of having no-one to look after them either because her husband also frequently comes, it's like a family day out .

I know it's none of my business (except when I'm the host) but I just wondered what other MN's thought.

yes, i think that's rude, especially considering she could leave them w/her husband.

only if i have no childcare and have spoken to the host.

I agree with nicnack2 & expat

Yes quite rude and a bit unfair imo as if I had twins I would like them to have their own mates iykwim. ie if one gets invited to a party she shouldn't have to share the invite with her sister.

Not rude if it's a party in a house where extra heads aren't a problem. Rude if it's at a place where there are X numbers paid for - i.e. a soft play place etc.

I don't mind it personally, once the mum stays to help out a little.

yes, i think it's rude too.
Just yesterday at my dd1's b'day party for her classmates, one girl's mum came right in and sat down on my sofa with her shoes still on.
I asked her dd if she could take her shoes off and politely said to her mum, 'so it's 5pm pick up' with a

Think there was a thread re this quite recently. I think I'm on my own here, but I don't think its that much of a big deal as long as

• you talk to the host and they say its okay
• you offer to pay
• what kind of venue it is - ie Wacky Warehouse or expensive cinema/acquarium do.

I have 3 under 6. Its not always a case of not having childcare cover its more a case of the number of parties one of them gets invited to means if we always split up we would spend a lot of time at weekends etc apart (my dh works long hours). Suppose it depends how well you know them to - not sure if I would do it to someone didn't know at all.

Pple do it to me and having 3 myself it doesn't really bother me, unless they take the piss of course.

Do you not allow anyone in your house wearing shoes then mythumbalina?

When stuck for child care I have taken the other one but offered to pay etc, and asked upfront if it is a problem.

Some people do take the piss though. I know of one mother who uses a party for one child as a free baby sitting service for her younger one, and drops both of them of and then goes away for 2 hours!

Carmenere your comment re twins clearly shows you don't have them! I have twins, one more popular than the other so how do you think it would feel if one got invited to all the parties and the other didn't. Believe me it would break your heart. I have often had other siblings come along to parties I have organised and as long as they are weel behaved I have no problem with this whatsoever.

I think it's rude. Parties often require serious planning and are full to the limit. There could be all sorts of problems with seating, food, party bags etc. Also, games might have been arranged with the correct numbers in mind.

I'd be intensly irritated actually.

btw fortunately for me mums do invite both my twins as i thnik they are aware that one is much shyer than the other.

I totally agree Mykidsmum, that would break my heart, sorry if I was thoughtless.

Mykidsmum - I completely agree with Carmenere about twins making their own friends. One of my DDs has been invited to loads more parties than her sister, but I make sure that the one left behind has a fun time doing something with her dad or nana - a bit of one to one, which, being twins, they rarely get. She's fine about it - she accepts that her class don't have as many parties, she doesn't think its anything to do with her popularity, or lack of.

I had invited 26 kids, 16 adults .. so having extras would be a problem for me.
Carmenere, i'd cleaned the floor twice so the kids could run around and jump on the bouncy castle etc with just socks or no shoes on! I didn't mind the mums that just popped in though

Yes I do. It happened last year at DD/DS1's joint party and I really had to offer the child tea (tho there was nowhere for him to sit). His mum said he "wanted to watch the clown" but I thought it was a bit cheeky tbh.
I agree I don't mind babies staying with their mums, that's different of course.
sandyballs I think that's not acceptable. Are you supposed to provide extra party bags etc? And what about numbers of things for games???
Agree with others if you pay at soft play etc then that's fine, they are just at soft play then, not really at the party. If someone asked me in advance of course I would be OK about it unless really impractical (eg numbers were very restricted for some reason).

guess we have different views then sandyballs

The reason I made my original comment was because my bf has twins and she said that sometimes they long to do things by themselves and particularly spend time with friends and parents on their own. When I think of how much sheer attention my dd gets it must be a bit frustrating for a lo to have to share all the time. that said I totally understand Mykidsmums dilemma too.

Well, people very often bring siblings to the parties we go to BUT they don't expect them to be fed etc. If it's a play area then you just pay extra for the sibling and they definitely don't join in the celebrations unless the host offers. Can't see a problem with it myself. I don't often have anyone to look after sibling so frequently have no choice but to bring them. But it doesn't bother me when whole family comes either.

cheers carmenere I have four kids so they are all used to sharing my time and attention and everything else really

polgara if someone was bringing other siblings to a big party in a hall then I would expect them to ask me. TBH I usually have parties on Saturdays/Sundays when a lot of people can ask DH to look after the others (not everyone of course).
That is only an issue when mum is staying anyway. I think children in school and upwards are usually left by the parents aren't they?
fiofio I'm from the north, and I find sandyballs example very rude.
I wouldn't refuse of course but equally I would never make that presumption. A friend of Dd's had a party where they hired a soft play and the mum put on the bottom of the invite, no siblings please - she felt the 30 or so she had invited was quite enough for her to cope with, ta very much. I thought that fine, but do you find that rude?
(not being horrid, just genuinely interested )

Well, since we've never spoken to each other at school and that she could have mentioned to me if she stayed, but she didn't and i wasn't expecting it! In all our parties we leave, but only stay if we're invited to.

I'm as easygoing as running water!! Whoever comes can stay! It's only a problem if you have to pay per head, but I find places like that a pain in the ar*se so I hire a hall and a bouncy castle, rope in my 4 sisters to help me out and open the door for all and sundry After all...how hard is it to make a few more sarnies in a "just in case" situation? I think my attitude might come from having a huge family to begin with and when we are all together a few more mouths to feed makes no difference whatsoever. I would be offended though that someone thought I was rude for walking in and sitting on their sofa with my shoes on