Do you think it is rude to turn up at a party with siblings that aren't invited?

[sandyballs]

I'm not talking about little babies who probably need to be with their mum and aren't a problem sitting in their buggies, but older siblings.

My DDs are in reception and are in separate classes and therefore they often get invited to separate parties which I don't have a problem with. But I wouldn't dream of turning up with the other one if she wasn't invited. However, another mum of twins in the same year always turns up with both of her girls regardless of what it says on the invite, and she usually brings their older (year 2) daughter. It's not a case of having no-one to look after them either because her husband also frequently comes, it's like a family day out .

I know it's none of my business (except when I'm the host) but I just wondered what other MN's thought.

I try to spend £5 per child but it's hard to do sometimes, especially with wrap and cards. Most of my money (child benefit) goes on prezzies for all the childrens parties. Every week I seem to have to make a special trip to get birthday cards and presents.

The first time I bought a present for a one year old who was in my NCT group I spent £18. DS's birthday was the next day and he got a £5 present from that same child/mum. So I soon learned my lesson on that one!! With 3 children I would not be able to be that extravagent now even if I wanted to.
My children get absolute junk sometimes, it's amazing. I do try to buy something decent for £5, even if it is an ELC puzzle or game.

haven't read the thread, but yes i do think it's rude
at dd's 4th party last year I addressed the invites only to the invitees and made sure the mums knew siblings were not invited! house just not big enough

Phew! I'm so glad to see sense is prevailing on this thread.

So we're all agreed that it's Ok in extremis, and if host is consulted. fair enough.
I generally wouldn't mind an extra guest or 2 at a traditional tinies party - the more the merrier ! Generaslly if people have done that they've asked and I'm fine about it. Have had to do the same once or twice when mine were smaller.
But 2 rude scenarios come to mind:

• ds1's 4th birthday party - Mum A asks if her ds's little sister aged 15m can stay, without mum, as she's busy that afternoon ! Errr, NO!

• Ds2's 4th bithday 2 years later: Mum B asks if her ds (invited) + little sister (not) can be dropped off early as she "has to be somewhere ". No again, though I agreed to sister staying, with mum.

I think it's some peoples way of offloading their children for free at the weekend. Very cheeky.
Can't believe the mum of 15 month old.

we had a situation this year at DS's 5th party.

A boy from school turned up with his 3 year old sister, dropped off by the au pair who said that's what she'd been told to do. The boy hadn't replied to the invite so we didn't even know he was coming let alone bringing his sister. Not a problem though as it was in a hall with an entertainer and the sister was quite grown up for her age.

When dad came to collect them he didn't say a word about his daughter, just pushed her forward to get her party bag!!

That was where I drew the line.

Yes, mine are aged nearly 2 and nearly 4 and we only ever take the invited child to the party. If in doubt who's invited, we ask, and if it's clear the invitation is just for one child and there's only one of us parents around with both kids that day, we ring up and ask - or if it's soft play, we might just turn up, but pay for the 2nd child and keep them well away at party food time.
As for parents staying, at the moment at all 2 and 4 year old parties round here, the expectation is that a parent stays - and quite often it is 2 parents, simply, as has been said, that the weekend is family time and you could quite easily spend the whole weekend alternating who takes which child to which party, swimmming lesson, etc. Also, I find we are getting to know the same parents from nursery etc so it does become a bit of a social occasion for the parents, but that's quite nice actually ...

I try to make it clear on invites - thats why I always do writtne invites with RSVP!

I invite whole fmailies now as its more of a social thing for us but once he is older I iwll be keeping numbers down.

So maybe wording like:
DS would like to invite X to a special party just for 'class 2' 'the famous five' 'jimmy bella and me' (ie something which indicates that numbers are limited.)
Date and Time

I would think it thoughtless and rude for people to turn up with their 3 yr old for DS 3rd birthday and bring a 7yr old plus a baby with them!

God she's done it again. Yesterday she turned up with hubbie, both twins and elder daughter and they left them there, even though I know only the one twin was invited . I just can't believe the gall of the woman. And because the elder daughter is so much older (8, not 5), she won most of the party games .

That's really 'off' - the 8 year-old winning the games.

Spidermama - 'imagine if grown ups did it' - one of my friends did do it at my wedding!! She just showed up with a couple of mates who I had never met before and said, 'these are my friends' not even an 'I hope you don't mind'. And now that I come to think of it another couple invited the couple they were staying with too. After months of trying to whittle the numbers down too- pretty rude i think!!!

I had similar to that Soph - mine did at least call to ask "Can we bring X so that he can drive us home?" I knew X from our past, had had a messy last meeting with him and he wasn't invited for a reason... chickened out of answering the text and my mum phoned her with ramblings about numbers

Siblings - if they ask, then sure, if not, no.

Message withdrawn

had ds' 4th birthday party on Saturday. Several parents turned up with siblings, but most of them were younger, and most of the parents stayed anyway (party was in a community centre). It didn't bother me - the siblings weren't a problem, none of the parents helped themselves to food for the siblings - dh told them that the siblings were welcome to have something to eat as wel though, and only the invited children had party bags. My mum asked me afterwards if I'd given party bags to the siblings to which I replied no. Have no problem with the siblings coming esp if it's a hall where you've paid the same price regardless of numbers etc, but that would be on the understanding that the parent stayed. I would take issue with a parent dropping off two/three children at a party where only one was invited. Tbh I would never "expect" parents to leave their children - some children don't want to be left, some parents would not be comfortable leaving a child in a community centre for instance where that child might escape, I do think it comes down to personal preference, and I wouldn't necessarily leave ds unless he was happy to be left and I trusted the parents implicitly.

This drives me mad, am quite tempted to not invite one of dd1s friends as I know his Mum will prob bring all her kids (doesn't ask either!)

Yes, very rude, if you have to bring an uninvited sibling then you phone first and explain. Let alone the whole family!

Message withdrawn

Thinking about it, we had THREE uninvited extras at ds's third birthday party. Very awkward as our house and garden are very small and we were overcrowded anyway. Also had bigger uninvited kid winning the prize. Really teed me off esp. as he only came because he'd been sent home from school! His mother did phone ahead but still...

this Mum tends to bring 4 extras the oldest doesn't join the games though.