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Parties/celebrations

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Original poster

Do you think it is rude to turn up at a party with siblings that aren't invited?

145 replies

sandyballs · 03/07/2006 15:52

I'm not talking about little babies who probably need to be with their mum and aren't a problem sitting in their buggies, but older siblings.

My DDs are in reception and are in separate classes and therefore they often get invited to separate parties which I don't have a problem with. But I wouldn't dream of turning up with the other one if she wasn't invited. However, another mum of twins in the same year always turns up with both of her girls regardless of what it says on the invite, and she usually brings their older (year 2) daughter. It's not a case of having no-one to look after them either because her husband also frequently comes, it's like a family day out .

I know it's none of my business (except when I'm the host) but I just wondered what other MN's thought.

OP posts:
MadamePlatypus · 03/07/2006 17:16

Surely it all depends on the kind of party? As adults its usually OK to invite an extra person to a BBQ or a house party, but you wouldn't just turn up with an extra person at a dinner party or a wedding (not that I have actually been to a dinner party in years!). If in doubt, it is good manners to check in advance - doesn't this also apply for children?

jampots · 03/07/2006 17:18

yes i think its very rude. Ive had several friends turn up with their extras and they've even expected the dreaded party bag and cake - of which Id only catered for the invitees.

Surely parents wouldnt always have to stay though ?

serenity · 03/07/2006 17:34

DS2 got 2 party invitations today. The first one is straight after school the afternoon they break up. The host is a friend so I'll stay and help, but I'll pay for DS1 and DD to stay (it's at a soft play place) BF was happy to pay for DS1 and DD as part of the party, but tbh I really think that would be taking the p, whether she minds or not!

The second party is at a city farm on a weekend. DS1 will stay at home with DH, but DD is friends (will be going to Nursery together) with the birthday girl's DBro, so I asked if DD was wanted/could come with me footing any costs. As it happens the host is providing separate food for any parents/siblings who come, but I wouldn't have wanted to assume that (although thats what she's done in the past)

No matter how well I knew the parents I'd never just turn up with hoardes of kids without asking first and sometimes it's nice for a sibling to do something on their own without the other tagging along.

trinityrhino · 03/07/2006 17:51

I would talk to the host if I couldn't find other arrangements for the sibling, I would think it rude just to turn up

Blandmum · 03/07/2006 17:58

The last party I had for ds cost me 7.99 a head.

Now granted I could have done a birthday tea, but the house isn't that big and ds's bday is in March so I can't plan on sending them into the garden to run off steam and with 6 year old boys that seems to be essential.

I do feel that dumping and extra sibling on me was a cheek. I had the hassle of a younger child that I had to watch out for, and an extra £8 to pay!

JonesTheSteam · 03/07/2006 18:04

Most of DD's parties are at soft play places, where most parents stay anyway, or at their houses and we are not expected to stay.

If at their houses, then DD goes obviously goes on her own - I just drop off / pick up.

If at soft play I usually take DS along, but I pay for him and don't expect him to eat the food - unless the parent of the child having the party says it's ok to do so. Some parents have been kind enough to invite DS along as well, which is very kind of them.

Cam · 03/07/2006 18:23

at the older uninvited sibling winning the party game (well they would wouldn't they?) and then the g'ma expecting a party bag for the child so the host went without.....

No-one has done this to me thankfully , however have had sibling come to outside venues eg. soft play centres where the parent paid for and fed them themselves (which is perfectly fine as they are open to the public).

Pinotmum · 03/07/2006 18:27

One of the mum's from dd's class does EXACTLY the same. I think it's rude. I posted a similar question a couple of months ago and many posters said "rude". Some people have a brass neck don't they

Tortington · 03/07/2006 18:56

yes its rude - and its stupid nopt to allow twins their own friends. i have twins and never once thought that they should both go. I usually took the other kids somewhere nice - made a treat - made the party goer a bit jealous actually becuase we always did sommat ded good

FioFio · 03/07/2006 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves · 03/07/2006 20:05

That's the cross we all bear Fio... several thousand judgemental little goblins jostling for position on our left shoulders, carping and griping as we go about our daily business

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 03/07/2006 20:09

Don't worry about it Fio, if people moan about you doing it they have little comprehension of your life. Babysitter for your dd??? Ho ho- yes they're really easy to find aren't they.....! (And if someone mentions the word after school club I'll laugh until I choke).

Greensleeves · 03/07/2006 20:10
Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 03/07/2006 20:15

Thank you- actually even the thought of it has had me choking, so that was timely.

Blandmum · 03/07/2006 20:21

I don't think that may (any?) people would think you rude if you stayed, would they?

It is the NT mother of two MT kids who uses paries as free childcare for her younger child that hacks me off a bit. She brings the younger sibling, dumps them both and then knobs off to do a bit of shopping. Given that the younger is 3 years younger...ie 3-4 I think that is a bit of brass neck.

Earlybird · 03/07/2006 20:23

We experienced the siblings wanting party bags at dd's party. Problem is that most siblings who come along are younger, and don't understand that they aren't properly invited guests, and therefore aren't "entitled" to a party bag. There were several meltdowns for that very reason.

Cheekiest party experience I have witnessed was about a month ago. A girl from dd's school had a party at a park. A group of unknown children came up and watched the entertainer, and helped themselves to what was on the food table (one of the mums did too! ). One girl even grabbed one of the cardboard "turrets" off the castle birthday cake and ran off with it. Her mum gave chase and returned the soggy gnawed-upon turret. Several of these children helped themselves to the party bags too....though thankfully their mums returned the bags. We were all gobsmacked at the cheek of it, and stunned that the mums of the uninvited didn't do more to control their children!

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 03/07/2006 20:24

God there's no chance of me staying, not with ds1, it would be a complete impossibility, I dump ds2 and run- if ds1 is with me I have to be really embarrassing and ring someone to come out to the car to collect ds2. Hope that's not rude!

iota · 03/07/2006 20:24

earlybird

SSSandy · 03/07/2006 20:26

I'd find it rude if someone brought siblings along that I hadn't specifically invited. My parties are drop off/pick up events so I wouldn't see why the parents couldn't take the sibling(s) off somewhere whilst the invitee is at my house for a couple of hours.

Thankfully no one has ever done it. In the case of twins, I think even if dd only liked one of the two, I'd probably invite both.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/07/2006 20:29

I have ALOT to learn about childrens party etiquette!

Cant wait till DD goes to school....NOT!

MadamePlatypus · 03/07/2006 20:29

Fio, I would be very happy and honoured if anybody was going to go to that much trouble to go to a party of DS's. I think the thing people have a problem with is extra people turning up without checking how/whether the extra child can be fitted in.

DevilsAdvocado · 03/07/2006 20:30

When I had dd party in December I had 20 kids invited, and when one of dds friends came, his sister started to cry as she wanted to stay to bounce on the castle, her mum started settling her and explaining that it wasn't her that was invited to the party but her brother, I said it would be fine with me if she stayed as there was plenty of food and plenty of people to look after her... the mother was delighted and thanked me about 10 times! I always take along extra party bags anyway, sure isn't there only a few wee sweets in them, hardly going to break me is it!

So if a child came to a party and a sibling cried to get staying would you all send them home in tears?

Blandmum · 03/07/2006 20:32

well, if getting someone else to do a pick up is rude, I'm rude half of the time

I often share pick ups and drop off with friends. My kids have a better social life than I do, and if I didn't I'd spend even more time in the car!

SSSandy · 03/07/2006 20:32

Wouldn't happen with my parties I don't think, parents just hand their kids over at the door and come in at the end when they pick their kids up again. They aren't huge affairs either.

LIZS · 03/07/2006 20:33

Rude and thoughtless. I'd never take one along to a party and expect the other to stay and be included unless I had agreed it with the hostess beforehand, and even then ponly if had no alternative.

tbh I'd feel less bad at an open soft play place than intruding into someone's home ro hired venue, as long as I could pay for my child myself and not involve him in the party. However have known other children kick off in those circumstances when they don't get cake and/or party bag.

What about mums who stay though? dd won't stay at a party without me or dh yet (she's 5 in August) so I always hang about and feel a spare part. Sometmes other kids have both parents stay which I find odd.