Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

Original poster

Do you think it is rude to turn up at a party with siblings that aren't invited?

145 replies

sandyballs · 03/07/2006 15:52

I'm not talking about little babies who probably need to be with their mum and aren't a problem sitting in their buggies, but older siblings.

My DDs are in reception and are in separate classes and therefore they often get invited to separate parties which I don't have a problem with. But I wouldn't dream of turning up with the other one if she wasn't invited. However, another mum of twins in the same year always turns up with both of her girls regardless of what it says on the invite, and she usually brings their older (year 2) daughter. It's not a case of having no-one to look after them either because her husband also frequently comes, it's like a family day out .

I know it's none of my business (except when I'm the host) but I just wondered what other MN's thought.

OP posts:
niceglasses · 04/07/2006 09:39

Fluffy is oh, nice and everything is rosy and lets all be friends, and isn't it a lovely day and peace man. I think anyhooo. Thats my personal definition.

Tommy · 04/07/2006 09:40

Can I add my fourpenn'orth?
I think that not going to parties you haven't been invited to is a lesson that we all have to learn in life. It doesn't stop when you're an adult (just look at all the wedding threads here!)
I wouldn't dream of bringing another child along to a party who hadn't been invited and likewise would get seriously peeed off if someone did it to me.
Yes - of course there are plenty of much more important things to worry about it the world but while someone's asking the questions - I guess you wanted other people's opinions!

jamsambam · 04/07/2006 09:49

i never said 'turn up' did i??? if i had to take both i ALWAYS check first, that politeness which is another lesson kids have to learn, what i was saying was that if a best friend cant make it without a little brother or big sister the maybe the parents need to make a choice, if you are throwing the party for your child and they want x to come, who has 2 brothers and they have to go to, then does the child get what he wants for his birthday? after all, its his birthday.

i understand the whole 'it costs money to do a party' thing, but its not the end of the world.
for me, i couldnt afford more than 3 kids over for a party, so when i asked ds1 which 3, he couldnt decide, so we didnt do it. he went down the park with about 20 f them and i brought ice creams..thats all!

all i was trying to say, fluffy or not, is that childrens parties are another one of those 'i must have that' moments...

SSSandy · 04/07/2006 10:06

Well luckily I've never come across this problem. No one has ever turned up expecting to leave an uninvited sibling at our parties or anything like that and no one has ever asked if another child can come too.

Really don't see the problem. I mean if you have 2 or 3 kids and one is invited, you drop that one off and go off with the other 1 or 2 kids for a couple of hours, then go back and pick up dc1. My sister and I are 1 year apart but I never went to any of her friends' parties or v.v. Still finding it a really weird idea tbh but to each his own.

ellceeell · 04/07/2006 10:30

My worst case of this was some years ago when ds was 6. We had a small flat so space meant numbers were limited. One woman turned up with her son who had been invited and two younger daughters - who had not. They were both in party dresses and very excited - it was their first party they proudly told us. The mum then went into the kitchen to inspect the food, into the fridge, unwrapping clingfilm over plates etc and came back to tell us what her children weren't allowed to eat and what we should have bought for them! We didn't notice her leave - until her younger daughter was upset and needed looking after - so I spent the rest of the party trying to console a strange child who spoke very little english. (We had no contact phone number and I had sort of assumed she was staying to supervise the girls.)The party was due to end at 6p.m. The mum arrived back at 7.15p.m. - no apology, no explanation, just took the children and went.
And then she slagged me off in the playground because there were no party bags for her children!

TwinsetandPearls · 04/07/2006 10:35

It wouldn't be a problem for me and often happens at dd parties but we tend to have more traditional parties in a church hall so I am n ot paying per head.

I also know most of dd friends parents so I usually know the child and if they are older they tend to be a help!

DD friends parents always do check though and usually ask in advance or if the sibling is there as the child is being dropped off I say they can stop as well if they like. The parents know I am quite realxed about that sort of stuff but I am sure that if they thought it was a problem they would not ask.

AS for party bags I tned to give away Book People books and do art and crafty stuff for the kids to take home. If there is a spare book that is appropraite for them they can take one otherwise it is a balloon and a piece of cake.

When I have been t soft play parties with dd parents ahve just paid siblings in and then paid for a meal for them. But again most of the parents here know each other quite well so I think that makes it less of an issue.

LucyJu · 04/07/2006 10:45

Very topical. I'm just arranging a party for dd1, who will be six in a couple of weeks. Interestingly , she told me that x's 2 brothers are coming along (aged 9 and 11). Not that x's mother has bothered asking as yet. I seriously hope dd has got it wrong because even the thought of that happening pisses me off.

NikkiH · 04/07/2006 10:57

I would only bring a child who had not been invited to the party if I had no one else to look after him and I had to stay. If the party was in a soft play area then I'd pay for the other child and sort out food / drink etc for him separate from the party. I'd never presume that he'd be included in the party.

I've once had a mum ask if she could bring a sibling to be included in a soft play party and when I said yes she gave me the money to pay for him which was fine.

I've also been to a party in a church hall where a younger brother was invited to the party and the parents turned up with his older sister too and left them both. She joined in with everything and it meant that one of the invited party children was left without a food party box when it came to tea-time! I'm doing a party like this for my ds2 in September and will be on the lookout in case the same parents do the same to me!

Angeliz · 04/07/2006 11:01

At both of dd's parties in soft play type places we have had extra siblings brought along.
The Mums usually ask and then they offer to pay for the extra kids. At the last one the extra kids couldn't actually eat as the room was at it's maximum but they lingered and snacked

I don't mind at all and don't see how i could. My 5 year old goes to lots of parties and dp is usually around as it's weekends to watch dd2 (15 months). If he wasn't though then she would come along too. (i'd ask of course)
Unless we live in a world of only children i can't see any other way!

[bemused-expression]

Angeliz · 04/07/2006 11:02

As for leaving, my dd1 is 5 and i wouldn't leave her anywhere yet. She is not able to look after/protect herself enough yet.

Bozza · 04/07/2006 11:04

I think at open parties at soft play (I have always had closed parties for mine) it is fine because you just pay for child, buy them food and make sure they don't get a party bag. I did once take DD (then 15 months) to a house party but it was summer so mainly in the garden. I didn't have anyone to look after her and I mentioned to the mother leaving DS on his own (he was 4 at the time) and the mother looked slightly perturbed but agreed. DS would have been fine. I think the mother must have twigged then because she came back and said it was fine to take DD along. She was lovely and even made DD a special party bag up which I would not have expected especially as DD was too young to realise - not the case now...

Bozza · 04/07/2006 11:07

I leave DS at parties now. I have started doing it gradually over the last couple of years. Left him at one in the local working men's club (hired out on same lines as a church hall) on Sunday.

Clary · 04/07/2006 11:09

angelisz I think the point is that some people don?t ask, then leave their children with you, or stay when they could perfectly well leave the invited child, etc.
I put a firm limit on DD?s party and stopped her inviting further friends....what if 4 or 5 people had had another child they couldn?t help bringing? we would have run out of everything and it would have been even more children for me to control. I think we all agree that if someone asks (even on the day!) then arrangements can be made. It?s not about accommodating the children, it?s about being rude (or not).

Clary · 04/07/2006 11:11

I presume you leave DD at school tho angelisz?

I have to say that my DD who is just 5 has not wanted me to stay at any party for about the last 6 months or more.
Tho I agree it depends on the child. A couple of mums did stay at her party and that was fine.
One even helped me clear up and wash up afterwards, but then she always does. She is officially my favourite person!

Twinkie1 · 04/07/2006 11:12

Yes it really annoyis me - at DDs 5th birthday party we had one mum turn up and literally ignore me when I said goodbye to her other child and ask if it was ok for her to stay too - it wasn't the end of the world as the party was only at home and we had spare stuff but I just think it is incredibly bad manners!! (she just buggered off for a nice childfree afternoon leaving me with 20 odd kids form 3 - 7 to look after!!)

SoMuchToBits · 04/07/2006 12:05

I only have one child, so have never had the dilemma, but I think if I had two, I would only bring an extra child to a party,if
a)I had no other childcare options
b)I had checked with the party mum first that it was ok,and
c)It was on the understanding the extra child wouldn't be needing a party bag, and if it was a soft play place I would expect to pay entry and feed the extra child myself.

At ds's last party (held in local community centre, with entertainer, I did food), two Mums brought extra younger siblings. It wasn't too much hassle because the hall and the entertainer were already provided, and I had done extra food, just in case. But I was a bit miffed that they just turned up, and hadn't asked me if it was ok. Tbh, I had only brought extra food, because I had seen extra siblings turn up at other parties ds had been to, and had taken note.

SoMuchToBits · 04/07/2006 12:06

The extra siblings didn't get part bags, though!

SoMuchToBits · 04/07/2006 12:06

Or even party bags (oops!)

Angeliz · 04/07/2006 12:45

I do leave her at School but i trust all the teachers there and have to beleive they all have the best of intentions.
With Parents some i don't know at all so i wouldn't leave her with strangers that's all

Angeliz · 04/07/2006 12:46

I do agreee in theory it's best to get a baysitter for siblings btw, just not always practical. It's always polite to ask though.

AUBINA · 04/07/2006 13:22

I think its rude, the one time it happened to me I luckily had spare party bags. Due to some people not rsvping and not being sure of numbers, but don't get me started on that subject! The boot was on the other foot a while after though when my husband took my older daughter to a party and my younger one was invited to stay, it was a lovely surprise for her.

Last year at my younger daughters party two dads turned up with their children. It was at a hall and I was in the kitchen. When I came out these children had not been invited to our party, they were supposed to be at the hall upstairs! Luckily their dads hadn't left as we would have had to look after two strange children!

Astrophe · 04/07/2006 13:45

At the mo DD is 2, so parties are always my friends' kids, including siblings, DHs etc. But once shes at school and its 'drop off', I would definately not expect people to bring extras...its like forcing someone to babysit your child...for free! If parents are staying I'd expect them to ask, and then it would be fine as I could make extra party bag etc. If we knew the parents we would probably invite the siblings anyway.

And while we're on the topic, what do people think is a appropriate amount to spend on a pressie? I know..."how longs a piece of string"...but we are new to the country and I'm not sure.

slalomsuki · 04/07/2006 14:04

I have three kids and always check before the party day if I can bring the others and offer to pay for them to play and eat if its a soft play area or if its in someones house make sure that they understand who the invite is for and bring food for the others. Its not always possible for me to leave one or more behind but manners go a long way.

MadamePlatypus · 04/07/2006 15:13

Astrophe, I think about £5 is reasonable for a 2 year old. (Equivalent of a book or a small toy)

3catstoo · 04/07/2006 19:15

I had this dilema when catering for my DDs party in June. There is a friend of hers that seems to always come with Mum, Dad and younger brother (who is a total pain and totally gets in the way at other parties we've been to). My DDs party was a small one in a local(small) hall. Luckily it was just her and her Mum that came.

Another friend had a joint party for her DD with another girl in the same class. So many uninvited siblings came and sat down to eat that the food ran out before the children who had been invited got any. It was terrible. Only one of the Mums were responsible for all the uninvited siblings. When it came to the party bags they made sure the invited guests got them first.

I don't see why you should have to cater for uninvited children, unless the parents had previously arranged it with you or are happy for the other child to just sit and watch and not expect party bags etc.

Parties are so expensive anyway without having to think of the extras that might turn up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread