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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

Original poster

Do you think it is rude to turn up at a party with siblings that aren't invited?

145 replies

sandyballs · 03/07/2006 15:52

I'm not talking about little babies who probably need to be with their mum and aren't a problem sitting in their buggies, but older siblings.

My DDs are in reception and are in separate classes and therefore they often get invited to separate parties which I don't have a problem with. But I wouldn't dream of turning up with the other one if she wasn't invited. However, another mum of twins in the same year always turns up with both of her girls regardless of what it says on the invite, and she usually brings their older (year 2) daughter. It's not a case of having no-one to look after them either because her husband also frequently comes, it's like a family day out .

I know it's none of my business (except when I'm the host) but I just wondered what other MN's thought.

OP posts:
FioFio · 03/07/2006 16:32

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jamsambam · 03/07/2006 16:33

this is a bit trickey... asa single mum i often have to take both or none, but i always ask the host..so dont always assume the parent is being rude, maybe they just didnt ask!

Original poster
sandyballs · 03/07/2006 16:33

I would love to leave mine, but they won't let me , or at least one of them won't. Wondering whether to go cold turkey and just leave her one day, but not fair on the host if she creates all the time.

OP posts:
Blu · 03/07/2006 16:34

yes.
It's very presumptious.

geekgrrl · 03/07/2006 16:36

yes, I find it rude.

One of the mums at school always asks whether she can bring her other daughter (preschooler) along - well, what can you say? I could hardly say no when put on the spot, but I do resent it. It's the same 'family day out' situation with her.

spidermama · 03/07/2006 16:39

Itg's failing to take into account all the hard work the host has put in to organise the event.

Imagine if grown ups did it. If they simply turned up at another grown ups birthday party and said, 'I've brought my mate. I hope that's OK?'

There are reasons we make out guest lists. I think it's very selfish to turn up with uninvited guests and puts the host in a really difficult position.

Original poster
sandyballs · 03/07/2006 16:39

I know that this mum doesn't ask the host if her other two DDs can attend, or at least on the last 3 or 4 occasions she hasn't. Yesterday all 3 of them were sitting there tucking into the food and queueing up for party bags. I just think it's really rude and odd.

OP posts:
mythumbelinas · 03/07/2006 16:39

To be honest, i wasn't rude to the mum, and everybody else had taken their shoes off .. mostly because i had the mats and other stuff to cover outside ground for the bouncy castle.
I had lots of kids, friends and close family coming round, so i felt it was justified .. and that another time another of her dd had been invited to my nieces party, where she brought her older dd too!

crunchie · 03/07/2006 16:41

I think it is all about asking the host tbh.

In some situations I can see why people want/have to bring siblings, and unless it is a pay per head thing I doubt the host would have a problem. However I do think it rude if when accepting teh invite you don't say 'look x can only come if I stay and I have got y as well, would you mind if y comes too'

BTW if my kids get invites it is just for them. I had a BIG issue when my kids went to parties and then at pick up time the one NOT at the party would get upset about not getting a party bag. They were banned in our house for a couple of parties. Now they HAVE to shared evenly or not at all

Clary · 03/07/2006 16:42

fiofio that soft play eg is fine, as I say, dd is just there at the soft play and I have done that too.
I think yr situation is a bit different as well, if you have no-one to leave dd with then I for one would be fine with you asking to stay at a party in a hall. I would expect you to mention it beforehand tho, in case there was an issue, and I'm sure you would.
I think that's a bit different from sandyballs OP.

Blu · 03/07/2006 16:43

I know how many kids can fit in our front room and platy party games. i haev given DS a number he can invite to hi party. Why should older kids he doesn't know come, when other kids in his class haven't been invited?
I do do quite a bit of planning for parties - and there wouldn't BE a party bag for any extra kids!

If someone spoke to me in advance about a particular reason to bring other children I would be happy enough, though.

Original poster
sandyballs · 03/07/2006 16:45

That's a good point Blu - the fact that siblings are strangers and he couldn't invite other friends because of numbers.

OP posts:
FioFio · 03/07/2006 16:46

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TinyGang · 03/07/2006 16:47

I have twins and another child and I wouldn't do that. At parties you make up the right amount of party bags too. Mine all know that when there is a party, it doesn't mean they all go en masse.

If they have a joint friend that's asked them all then yes, and then they'll all take a present too.

At soft play parties we might take in the others as well, but pay for them and they don't join in with the birthday tea etc.

hulababy · 03/07/2006 16:55

I wouldn't do it unless I really had to, and I would always try to contact the parent in advance first to check it was okay.

We actually invited siblings to DD's party this year as i knew many of the children had them and that it might have been a problem for some aprents. So long as I knew numbers in advance it was okay, as it was just in a big hall. Needed to know who as coming though as did food boxes.

spidermama · 03/07/2006 16:57

Imagine if everyone, or quite a few guests, broughtr a sibling or two along.

LadyTophamHatt · 03/07/2006 16:58

Do you know...it really wouldn't bother me at all!

In fact I'd find it quite nice, if someone thought they could bring older or younger one along without worrying I'd feel that they saw me as cool and ultra friendly

Is it really that much trouble???

Yes, if someone takles the piss constantly it's annoying but life really is too short.

Kids don't eat that much at parties anyway and I'd just point out that they won't get a party bag at the end. Simple really.

LadyTophamHatt · 03/07/2006 16:59

I doubt thay all would though Spider???

mykidsmum · 03/07/2006 17:00

It clearly is a problem for some parents though, and I feel sorry for them rather than say how rude it is etc Whilst there are clearly some who take advantage there are also people who genuinely don't have the option. I did a party (soft play) for my ds on Sunday, and older sibling turned up, subsequently won the organised game and at the end his grandma asked if he could have a party bag. This did make me cross as it meant my son, birthday child went without, fortunately he didn't mind (something to do with the pressies). Whilst I have no problem with siblings staying particularly at such a venue ( I think tea parties etc are a very different matter) i felt it was very rude asking for a party bag for a child who might have a huff.

hulababy · 03/07/2006 17:01

It would have been a problem at DD's party though. All the children's food was in food bozes. I had one for each child coming - the sandwiches and drinks had been prechosen. I had to take them with me to the venue, therefore no apre food to make up others. The extra child could not have been fed.

mykidsmum · 03/07/2006 17:02

but would the extra child be expect to be fed, I have never come accross that before

mykidsmum · 03/07/2006 17:03

Spidermama, your point re grown ups, people always bring others along to our parties, I thought that was common.

hulababy · 03/07/2006 17:03

If not expected to be fed, wouldn't have been a probelm. Would still prefer to know in advance though - I like to feel organised and I'd fee a bit bad for the child not being fed/getting party bag. Easily rectified with a quick call first. I put home adnd mobile number on ivites so easily done.

iota · 03/07/2006 17:04

I agree with Blu

Blu · 03/07/2006 17:05

I think it depends a lot on the party.
Up until this year, DS's parties have involved familes - his little friends and their parents, who we got to know because we were all new parents at the same time, cousins, family etc etc. Parents brought all their kids, parents stayed.

Now DS is at school, he has friends whose parents I don't really know, has far more friends his age, so we are having a party for his friends, his age, and I wouldn't want to take on any uninvited extras.