Is anyone a reluctant carer for an adult child?

[massivestress]

Name changed for this as I’m aware I will sound like a complete cow.
i can’t cope mentally anymore. My ds has a mental illness which has taken over their life. No job, moved out for a couple weeks, couldn’t cope. Has taken over the dining room and is in there 24/7 except to come and eat all the snacks or have dinner if I cajole them.
wont engage with social services, attends therapy we pay for at £200 a session (fortnightly, I’m in debt) as the NHS more severe support is shit and has a waiting list anyway. Is almost 30. Has given up all hope. Doesn’t pay anything to us due to some bloody stupid choices they can’t change now. It’s like my life is over. ive suggested going on the council list - no. Over the years we’ve paid for so much therapy and supported things. I can’t see an end in sight, I’m just stuck now with this person getting older and more and more reclusive.

Hi Op - not been through this myself but I know a family who has. Adult son with autism and mental health, verbally and (at times) physically abusive. They lived on constant ‘high alert’ and the entire household was controlled by son’s illness. Eventually, supported housing became the only option. It wasn’t ’kicking him out’, it was getting him ready for a world where mum and dad weren’t there and where he’d have to survive solo.

The emotional struggle was eased by learning that sometimes ‘love must be
tough’. Love sometimes means ‘I’m doing this for your own good’. For what it’s worth, getting son into supported housing was the best thing they ever did. It took him a while to settle but once he did, he really began to enjoy the independence. He’s always going to be limited in what he’s able to do but he’s definitely grown and his MH has been stable now for a few years.

Meanwhile, mum and dad have bought a motorhome and go off on lovely weekend breaks, free of the stress of it all.