Is anyone a reluctant carer for an adult child?

[massivestress]

Name changed for this as I’m aware I will sound like a complete cow.
i can’t cope mentally anymore. My ds has a mental illness which has taken over their life. No job, moved out for a couple weeks, couldn’t cope. Has taken over the dining room and is in there 24/7 except to come and eat all the snacks or have dinner if I cajole them.
wont engage with social services, attends therapy we pay for at £200 a session (fortnightly, I’m in debt) as the NHS more severe support is shit and has a waiting list anyway. Is almost 30. Has given up all hope. Doesn’t pay anything to us due to some bloody stupid choices they can’t change now. It’s like my life is over. ive suggested going on the council list - no. Over the years we’ve paid for so much therapy and supported things. I can’t see an end in sight, I’m just stuck now with this person getting older and more and more reclusive.

Therapy works for the hour they attend, they feel positive but don’t put any of it to use during the week. So yes it should work. No they aren’t seizing the opportunity.

I mean this kindly but you might be enabling some of the behaviour. If there is no tango left because he’s consumed it all, then tough. He can go to the shop and buy more. If he has used all the hand soap, ditto. Small steps needed or you’re all stuck in stalemate for ever. It doesn’t need to be everything all at once, pick one thing and stick to your guns.

singtothecat my son went to prison for a few months a few years ago. I used the time to escape and move across the country.

Afterwards I had 18 blissful months when I only visited him in his flat. Then I relented and he moved in with me because he was sober. The sobriety ended pretty much as soon as he moved in.

Don't be me, use his prison sentence to get free and stay free. I'm trapped again now and it's because I relented.