Does moving four hours away from adult children make parents selfish?

[Whatthefork1]

Does moving 4 hours away from your adult children make you a bad parent?

Around 7 years ago my mum and stepdad moved a 4 hour drive away, down south. It was very upsetting for me at the time as I have always been so close to my mum. This was before I had children, my eldest is nearly 5 so a couple of years before that.

I was at the time 24 and in a long term relationship with my now DP who I have two children with, we owned our own home and had our own life, as we still do of course. However mum and stepdad knew that we were going to start a family very soon.

DP has always said it was selfish and makes them not great parents; because why would they want to move so far away from us. I have always tried to defend their actions by saying they have always wanted to move there it’s their dream etc. but on the other hand, even though my children are still small, I can’t see me ever wanting to move that distance away from them, and not having a close relationship with them and one day their children.

dont get me wrong, we are still very close and I chat to my mum on a daily basis. They visit us / we visit them probably every 6-8 weeks. But I can’t help but feel how much easier and how much nicer my life would be if my mum were still close by, being able to pop over to her for a cuppa tea, go out for the day together, spend time with the grandchildren etc. it’s been really hard not having that especially during the early postpartum days.

So i’m interested to hear other people’s views on this.

You grow up where your parents work

you raise your family where you can find work. 6 hrs from your family in my case. To a place you don’t really like, away from friends and family

and then once everyone is grown you are expected to stay in the same shit location to act as support to adults - to provide support that you never had because you couldn’t get work anywhere near your own parents ?

let them live their lives for a few years

I never planned my life around where various family members live, and nor have my family members. I find the concept mental. People move all over the world for all sorts of reasons! With social media etc it’s never been easier to keep in touch. Of course your parents aren’t selfish op, they are living their lives, as adults, as you are.

Ignore the cruel judgemental comments of small minded people on here…I am with you on this 💯 especially when your children are so young - could be different if they were late teens and able to travel independently.
why wouldn’t you want your parents local for support and help, and also to enjoy your children, celebrate all the milestones together etc. The younger years go by so so quickly. Yep, I think they’re selfish and happy to say it.

My grandfather lived by the sea. When I was 5 he would come and pick me up and I’d go and stay for 2/3 weeks. We would have 2 weeks summer holidays there.

it was my parents that moved away but regardless the summer holidays were wonderful, going to beach family meals ( my aunt still lived nearby)

im not sure why you not visiting in the school holidays would be an issue? With your job being remote I’d have thought it would be ideal, as if you don’t book annual leave you could still find somewhere in or out of the house to go and work