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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

Homeless adult son

127 replies

Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:01

My 29 year old stepson is likely to be homeless this week. It’s such a difficult situation - he has mental health issues but they are clusterb personality disorders so he doesn’t see himself as the problem. He is delusional. He refuses all medication except weed which he is a regular user. A lot of his delusional ideas are validated, unfortunately, by his mother eg medications ect are evil and bad.

he was in hospital recently and discharged. He refused treatment and eventually told them whatever so he could get out. The police had him admitted after his housemates called.

I have teenagers, I absolutely can not have him living here. Not a chance. Id leave dh before that happened. Dh agrees he can not live here.

his mother refuses to have him as well. She has another adult child who doesn’t like him. However she is very delusional about him being homeless and thinks he can easily just find somewhere. His current share house arrangement he’s been given notice to leave as the other tenants are frightened of him, there is police reports and the police are willing to come and remove him if he refuses to go. He is unlikely to try find another share house as he thinks he has rights where he is and is refusing to go ( he doesn’t have any rights, he just thinks he does). Likely come eviction day the police will be called to remove him, he will end up back in hospital and then discharged onto the street.

not really looking for advice on him. He’s unfortunately past the age of ‘youth’ homeless services so there isn’t much else particularly when he doesn’t want any treatment and doesn’t think he needs it. Dh however is struggling with the situation and seeing his son on the street will probably destroy him. So I just don’t know what to do to help dh.

OP posts:
Pineapplewaves · 23/01/2026 21:08

Your stepson needs help and he’s not going to get it until he admits that he needs it which sounds like it’s not going to happen anytime soon.

He can present himself at the council housing office and declare himself homeless but a young single male with no dependents will not be a priority, he might get a bed in a hostel.

The only thing I can think of is that your DH rents a flat short term and moves in with him?

Or maybe finding himself homeless and living on the street will be a wake up call - realising that he is on his own now and nobody is going to help him out anymore……

SleafordSods · 23/01/2026 21:27

I can’t imagine how hard it must be, especially with how upset your DH is going to be.

There are things he can do. As a PP said he can take his notice of eviction to his local housing office and register as homeless but he is unlikely to get any accommodation unless he’s extremely lucky.

He can also apply to the Court to suspend his eviction but he would have to have good reasons and it doesn’t sound like he is able to engage with the process currently?

Do you know how you’re going to deal with the day of eviction? Will he expect to come and live with you?

ThejoyofNC · 23/01/2026 21:31

Sometimes in life you just need to accept that there is nothing you can do. I would support your DH to realise that.

Original poster
Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:33

We couldn’t afford to rent him a place, and Dh couldn’t live with him anyway. He is so delusional and paranoid and none of it makes sense. He refuses to shower cause of chemicals in the water and stays up all night smoking weed. He constantly accuses people of touching his things and is paranoid about people touching his food. He’s not been violent to people that we know but he has damaged walls ect. His doctor will only see him with another person present as they feel unsafe. All of this angers him as he thinks he’s being treated badly and gets angry when he is told people feel unsafe around him as he doesn’t see himself like that.

he had a girlfriend years and years ago who he lived with for awhile. She came with her father to collect her things as she didn’t feel safe and that made him angry. He rang up dh and ranted about being treated like he was a psycho when he’s not.

OP posts:
Driftingawaynow · 23/01/2026 21:34

Such a shit situation, have been there with family member. Is it possible to help him rent a self contained flat and get him on housing benefit?

Original poster
Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:36

SleafordSods · 23/01/2026 21:27

I can’t imagine how hard it must be, especially with how upset your DH is going to be.

There are things he can do. As a PP said he can take his notice of eviction to his local housing office and register as homeless but he is unlikely to get any accommodation unless he’s extremely lucky.

He can also apply to the Court to suspend his eviction but he would have to have good reasons and it doesn’t sound like he is able to engage with the process currently?

Do you know how you’re going to deal with the day of eviction? Will he expect to come and live with you?

He doesn’t have a tenancy agreement it was just a cash deal with the existing tenant.

no idea what will happen eviction day. He probably thinks he can come live here yes. We do technically have room. He wanted to come live here last year. Last dh heard from him he was screaming at the landlord about his rights to stay and his human rights being violated ect ect.

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Driftingawaynow · 23/01/2026 21:37

And just a response to what some others are saying, I think it would be unreasonable to expect your DH to accept this is his child’s fate. His son is unwell.

Pandorea · 23/01/2026 21:38

Does he have an adult mental health worker? If not can your DH try and advocate for one for him? It does sound like the best you can do is try and get him services.

Original poster
Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:39

Driftingawaynow · 23/01/2026 21:34

Such a shit situation, have been there with family member. Is it possible to help him rent a self contained flat and get him on housing benefit?

It’s very hard because he won’t engage with the process. Our area is in a housing crisis and there isn’t any places available. Any cheap accommodation gets 30+ applications. He won’t have any references or anything as a good tenant as he isn’t a good tenant.

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Ilovecheeseyah · 23/01/2026 21:40

So sorry this is so heartbreaking. Maybe there is a chance he could be sectioned? Sounds brutal but at least you would get him into the right “system”.

Original poster
Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:42

Pandorea · 23/01/2026 21:38

Does he have an adult mental health worker? If not can your DH try and advocate for one for him? It does sound like the best you can do is try and get him services.

I’m not sure if he does. He was angry about being admitted to hospital involuntarily and said whatever he could to get out. He hasn’t given permission for dh to speak to any doctors or anything about him. Possibly if we could get him back in hospital dh could try get him a social worker. But I’m not sure how to get him back there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:44

Ilovecheeseyah · 23/01/2026 21:40

So sorry this is so heartbreaking. Maybe there is a chance he could be sectioned? Sounds brutal but at least you would get him into the right “system”.

Yeh that’s possibly the only option. But I’m not sure he is bad enough for them to take him. When the police had him admitted he talked his way out in less than a day.

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hahagogomomo · 23/01/2026 21:46

Is he willing to try and get off weed and get better? If not there isn’t a lot you can do, even hostels generally won’t take unmedicated patients with mental health conditions or drug users for safety reasons. Specialist charities exist that could help him but he needs to want it

Ilovecheeseyah · 23/01/2026 21:47

Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:44

Yeh that’s possibly the only option. But I’m not sure he is bad enough for them to take him. When the police had him admitted he talked his way out in less than a day.

Show quote history

There is a precedent with the doctor feeling unsafe, a significant point.

XelaM · 23/01/2026 21:47

Can you afford to buy him a small caravan to sleep in?

Original poster
Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:53

Driftingawaynow · 23/01/2026 21:37

And just a response to what some others are saying, I think it would be unreasonable to expect your DH to accept this is his child’s fate. His son is unwell.

Yeh unfortunately dh doesn’t know how to help him though. He has his own issues and the last crisis he tried to help his son through he ended up having a breakdown himself.

his son gets angry very easily and thinks that it’s others fault for making him angry as they need to ‘educate themselves’ on his condition and not say anything to him that is triggering. But what is triggering to him is anything that can be perceived as disagreeing with him no matter how ridiculous and delusional what he is saying is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:56

XelaM · 23/01/2026 21:47

Can you afford to buy him a small caravan to sleep in?

dh looked at that. Unfortunately we live in a holiday destination area so there isn’t long term caravan spots here. Further away there might be but he is likely to refuse to go. He doesn’t have a licence or car and further away wouldn’t have much public transport. I imagine he wouldn’t go anywhere he couldn’t easily get weed.

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SleafordSods · 23/01/2026 22:02

A local homeless crisis isn’t going to help. I work in a city where getting a place in a HMO isn’t too hard as long as you aren’t fussy about where you live or who you live with. I forget sometimes that there are nicer places out there.

It might feel futile but can you start to compile a list of of local homeless charities, addiction charities and MH charities? If he does end up on the streets at least then you have some numbers to call and your DH might not feel quite so helpless?

Original poster
Neodymium · 23/01/2026 22:03

hahagogomomo · 23/01/2026 21:46

Is he willing to try and get off weed and get better? If not there isn’t a lot you can do, even hostels generally won’t take unmedicated patients with mental health conditions or drug users for safety reasons. Specialist charities exist that could help him but he needs to want it

No he isn’t that’s the point. He considers weed to be his medication and thinks it’s safe and natural and that other medications are unsafe. Which is another reason I couldn’t have him here. He tried to get dh to pay for his weed once - medical weed is legal where we live. He sent long ranting messages about his good it was for him and how much it helped him and got quite angry at dh for saying no he’s not paying for it. He doesn’t use the medical one now however as it’s expensive and not as good apparently. He still considers it his medication though and would not stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
Neodymium · 23/01/2026 22:05

SleafordSods · 23/01/2026 22:02

A local homeless crisis isn’t going to help. I work in a city where getting a place in a HMO isn’t too hard as long as you aren’t fussy about where you live or who you live with. I forget sometimes that there are nicer places out there.

It might feel futile but can you start to compile a list of of local homeless charities, addiction charities and MH charities? If he does end up on the streets at least then you have some numbers to call and your DH might not feel quite so helpless?

That’s a good idea making lists of charities, we can try that.

dh is going to try help him pack up his things so they can be moved. But he is likely to resist that too.

OP posts:
bunnygrav3 · 23/01/2026 22:15

Do crisis the homelessness charity operate in your area? They support single homeless people and are well versed in mh etc, I would try and support ss to attend there, get a worker, they will try their best to help him

Happyjoe · 23/01/2026 22:17

To be honest, you've run out of options other than being sectioned. Horrible for all but he really may start to get the help he needs. Such a sad story, I wish he didn't smoke the weed, making him 100% worse.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 23/01/2026 22:23

Happyjoe · 23/01/2026 22:17

To be honest, you've run out of options other than being sectioned. Horrible for all but he really may start to get the help he needs. Such a sad story, I wish he didn't smoke the weed, making him 100% worse.

Yes but you can’t just get someone sectioned, it doesn’t work like that. This is an incredibly hard situation, I’ve been in similar situations with a relative but we were able to secure a room in a HMO. Could he go to another - they aren’t particularly hot on references, and presumably he has some money to pay rent and buy weed so he has some kind of income?

rightoguvnor · 23/01/2026 22:23

As awful as it sounds, and as difficult as it will be for your DH, I think the best option here for today and for the future is to let the cookie crumble where it will.
Let his flatmates call the police, let him go full on with the police. They will take him to the station where he’ll be seen by the police surgeon and hopefully be sectioned on a 28 day. Be advised by his professionals during this time, whilst making it clear you cannot be responsible for his after discharge.

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