Homeless adult son

[Neodymium]

My 29 year old stepson is likely to be homeless this week. It’s such a difficult situation - he has mental health issues but they are clusterb personality disorders so he doesn’t see himself as the problem. He is delusional. He refuses all medication except weed which he is a regular user. A lot of his delusional ideas are validated, unfortunately, by his mother eg medications ect are evil and bad.

he was in hospital recently and discharged. He refused treatment and eventually told them whatever so he could get out. The police had him admitted after his housemates called.

I have teenagers, I absolutely can not have him living here. Not a chance. Id leave dh before that happened. Dh agrees he can not live here.

his mother refuses to have him as well. She has another adult child who doesn’t like him. However she is very delusional about him being homeless and thinks he can easily just find somewhere. His current share house arrangement he’s been given notice to leave as the other tenants are frightened of him, there is police reports and the police are willing to come and remove him if he refuses to go. He is unlikely to try find another share house as he thinks he has rights where he is and is refusing to go ( he doesn’t have any rights, he just thinks he does). Likely come eviction day the police will be called to remove him, he will end up back in hospital and then discharged onto the street.

not really looking for advice on him. He’s unfortunately past the age of ‘youth’ homeless services so there isn’t much else particularly when he doesn’t want any treatment and doesn’t think he needs it. Dh however is struggling with the situation and seeing his son on the street will probably destroy him. So I just don’t know what to do to help dh.

All this advice is also predicated on him wanting help and attending appointments. It also doesn't sound like he's experiencing psychosis to me. He might be, it can't be ruled out but delusional beliefs don't automatically mean psychosis.

I recommend a referral to your local safeguarding adults board if you are in England via your local council. They will help with keeping your son safe, as long as he engages with the process.

Is there space for the 15 year old to move into the main home and the 29 year old to have a trial in the separated part of the home IF he agrees to engage with mental health, social services and other strong boundaries?

Why would OP move her own son out of his bedroom for a 29 year old step son who smokes weed, never washes and has delusional beliefs? Are you kidding?

Of course, but in our area the criteria are worded so that a diagnosis isn't needed and with his symptoms OPs son would qualify.

Our service is excellent and has had good results with people who traditionally disengaged with services. I'm thinking specifically at this point of a young man with delusional thinking, alcohol misuse, drug misuse and street homeless that services had dropped like a hot potato due to his chaotic nature and difficulty engaging.

Unfortunately barely anyone knows about it!

Because otherwise he is going to be homeless??

Right. But there is help out there via the local authority, and he's not a safe or appropriate person to move into a house with children, especially not to displace a teenager from their bedroom. He's 29 years old, he's not a child or even a young adult. I appreciate the father will feel guilty if he does become homeless but just because he has a diagnosed personality disorder doesn't mean he's not responsible for his actions and behaviour. The OP and her children aren't collateral damage to avoid this adult man having to engage with services and take responsibility for his accommodation needs.

@ShawnaMacallister I don't disagree, and obviously everyone needs to be safe, but it is very unlikely that the council will do anything to help this man. I work with Street homeless people regularly - it is not a solution to anything. His dad needs to step up.

Even if DSS hasn’t given consent to share with DH, that does not stop DH giving professionals information. I take info from families all the time, mainly when they are concerned about the wellbeing of their loved ones, even if I do not have consent to share info with them. So DH must log concerns with GP.

these levels of paranoia do not sound like sx of a personality disorder, rather a psychosis. Your DSS has an unshared reality. Please get DH to flag this with the GP and GP will refer onwards.

I don’t think we know enough about the OP’s stepson to say whether he qualifies for more support or not. We don’t know if it was S2 or S3, a long admission or two days, we just don’t know.

But a wasted effort, as the reality is he will need a guarantor and if he doesn't have anyone.. It's fruitless the OP spending time trying to find a solution which isn't going to bring an actual solution, surely?

OP speak adult social care at the local council/local authority. He sounds like a very vulnerable adult and self-neglecting due to MH conditions. Definitely should be eligible for supported living/outreach of some kind

OP, call the local MH team and tell them everything you’re telling us. If it was our team we would record it even without consent to share.

If these are fixed delusional beliefs where the person can't even consider alternative explanations, then that would mean he's psychotic.

I disagree that his dad needs to step up. There is lots of excuse making for this man on this thread. He has a personality disorder and a drug problem. Believing in medical conspiracy theories isn't a sign of psychosis or even mental illness at all. He sounds antisocial and revolting to live with. Having a personality disorder doesn't mean he's absolved for any responsibility for his life. He can get a job, he can knock the weed on the head, he can start washing and learn to be socially responsible. If he doesn't want to, why should his father and the rest of the family hold him up to their own significant detriment?

It's not an unshared reality. The mother believes the same - plenty of people believe in medical conspiracy theories. His beliefs may be a symptom of psychosis but more likely they are a feature of his personality and ideology.

No, not everywhere would require a guarantor. I’ve been through this exact thing with a family member and we got him housed.
in my opinion, supported living is not going to happen and much more likely a waste of time although OPs husband basically will probably just have to try anything he can and ultimately all of it will probably fail at this stage because of his sons resistance and profound mental health struggles.

Thanks for the advice. I think really we just need to wait for the eviction. He is still saying he’s not going anywhere and they can’t make him. He doesn’t take any medication either. He refuses all medication. He thinks weed is his medication and that it is good and natural and anything else is unnatural poison. Dh also doesn’t know who his gp is to even go speak to him. So it’s difficult to even pass on information.

There isn’t space for the teen in the house currently. But even if there was the conditions laid out he would not agree to anyway. He doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him and so he wouldn’t engage with any services to help. He refused all treatment in hospital when the police took him in.

Was that recent?
In my area nowadays, rents are extortionate and tenants need to be earning a minimum amount in comparison to the rent.

Given that the OPs stepson is unemployed and doesn't even have decent references from previous landlords, it is highly likely any prospective landlords will seek some security in the form of a guarantor/huge lump sum up front deposit.

From what has been shared, he seems unable to do these things without some support. Washing his hands of his son and leaving him to fall will not improve the situation at all.

dh saw the share house today. He said the flatmates seemed pleasant and the house was clean and tidy. Dss room however was something else. Mouldy clothes everywhere, a bucket that he spits in, bottles of urine (allegedly he isn’t allowed to use the toilet). Walls damaged. Dh said it was disgusting. He won’t shower or wash his clothes. I don’t blame them for not wanting to live with him even without the delusions and outbursts. He definitely seems to be getting worse. I don’t know it’s it’s psychosis or not but either way he believes he is correct in his delusions and can’t seem them as unreasonable.

i think dh may need to call the mental health team. He is going round again to help finish cleaning up. He said dss nearly lost it several times. You have to be so careful what you say as he can twist anything into criticism and then go off. I don’t know, maybe dh just goes there and doesn’t tread so carefully just tell him straight and then when he inevitably erupts we can get him admitted back into hospital.

Thanks I think we will do that.

Have you anyone in the family with autism..this is incredibly like my son I mentioned above..could be possible he has gone undiagnosed.
It's easy to miss autism when it's wrapped up in other conditions and the weed obviously makes everything worse..but it's worth a thought, because it might open more doors to help and the supportive living I mentioned up thread

No, for the son it won't. But does that mean OP and her kids have to be sacrificed to help him?

Is DH able to speak with the flatmates and establish the truth around him 'not being able to use the toilet'?? If it's true, just as a blanket rule, then it's abuse.
But I highly suspect that he has left it messy, wee on the seat, skid marks etc and they've maybe said "if you can't tidy it up, don't bother using it" to which your stepson has taken that on board as 'I'm not allowed to use the toilet'

As OP mentioned, it absolutely sounds like he could have autism..
But also the mother failed him and it seems like he hasn't learnt basic adult living skills of cleanliness, tidying after oneself etc.

I feel for you, it's a really tricky situation and your poor DH must be so upset as it's his flesh and blood