Homeless adult son

[Neodymium]

My 29 year old stepson is likely to be homeless this week. It’s such a difficult situation - he has mental health issues but they are clusterb personality disorders so he doesn’t see himself as the problem. He is delusional. He refuses all medication except weed which he is a regular user. A lot of his delusional ideas are validated, unfortunately, by his mother eg medications ect are evil and bad.

he was in hospital recently and discharged. He refused treatment and eventually told them whatever so he could get out. The police had him admitted after his housemates called.

I have teenagers, I absolutely can not have him living here. Not a chance. Id leave dh before that happened. Dh agrees he can not live here.

his mother refuses to have him as well. She has another adult child who doesn’t like him. However she is very delusional about him being homeless and thinks he can easily just find somewhere. His current share house arrangement he’s been given notice to leave as the other tenants are frightened of him, there is police reports and the police are willing to come and remove him if he refuses to go. He is unlikely to try find another share house as he thinks he has rights where he is and is refusing to go ( he doesn’t have any rights, he just thinks he does). Likely come eviction day the police will be called to remove him, he will end up back in hospital and then discharged onto the street.

not really looking for advice on him. He’s unfortunately past the age of ‘youth’ homeless services so there isn’t much else particularly when he doesn’t want any treatment and doesn’t think he needs it. Dh however is struggling with the situation and seeing his son on the street will probably destroy him. So I just don’t know what to do to help dh.

Yes that’s kind of what I have said to dh. If he was going to look for somewhere else to go dh could help - though I doubt he would find anyone to take him. He currently won’t shower due to chemicals in the water so meeting potential flatmates is challenging. But it’s all difficult anyway as he isn’t looking because he doesn’t want to go, or because he thinks that if he’s kicked out dh will have no choice but to take him in. I have told dh that he needs to be very clear with him that no matter what he isn’t coming here and he is only going there eviction day to get him if he has arranged some place to go.

Concentrate on your own family. Pretend you care in front of your husband - but don’t waste any time on him.

Cluster B personality disorders can be dangerous. Stay away from him. He shouldn’t be living with anyone.

I don't mean literally 'the OP get him sectioned', but I think it needs to happen. OP thinks it's going to go bad to worse mentally and behaviourally when her SS realises that he has nowhere to live etc, there is every chance the poor lad will be sectioned anyway by the police/social services who will probably end up called.
He's not safe to anyone in a HMO, the other renters of the last place are scared and don't want him back. The GP is scared to be alone with him, the OP is scared of him. He needs mental health help, and fast.

Reported.

Hes not going to be sectioned. Managing expectations, that is vanishingly unlikely.

My mum did the exact fucking same. Talked her way out of a section even though she was delusional and seeing dead people. It's horrible but you have to protect yourself and the teenagers.

Your OP mentions that his current situation was a cash arrangement courtesy of the tenant so he will be classed as a lodger.Unfortunately lodgers have few rights and can be asked to leave/evicted with little notice. The tenanr/owner can simply pack his stuff, dump it outside and change the locks. There has already been some mention of the police attending if he will not go. His only recourse is to present himself at the lA homeless unit to see if they can help. At best it will probably be a bed in a hostel of one of the charities who work with the LA. The hostel will not stand ony nonsense and will impose strict rules.

Could you do that and live with yourself for your child when they are at such high risk of commiting suicide. Which this man definitely is when he ends up on the streets.
OP its so tough. I feel for you all. I think if you can renting a flat *he should get housing benefit( and your DH part living there is the best option if affordable.

Yeh it’s terrible. Sorry to hear about your mum. It’s an awful experience but sometimes it seems like there isn’t anything families can do.

No need to answer here, but do you know what was going on for DSS as a child to cause his PD? PD is notoriously difficult to recover from, but understanding its cause might help.

If I were DH I would want to do whatever I could to try and get him the support he needs and use his homelessness as the hook to encourage him to engage eg would he go to rehab if there was literally no where else to lay his head? It might not work, but I would have to try.

I would refer to adult safeguarding as a risk to self and to mental health as in crisis with low expectations of either service. I would also ask for a care act assessment and capacity assessment and challenge both if they come back as no support needs. Also try local charities. MIND have a good reputation and often have supported living placements.

The area we live in is in the midst of a housing crisis. Rents are sky high and every place has 30-40 applicants. There is no way we can afford to privately rent something for him. Especially when he will likely cause damage (which he has done at his current place) and then we will be up for the damage cost too.

i think another house share would just have the same problems. And it feels unethical to help him find somewhere when we know what he’s like.

But unfortunately he has to hit rock bottom before he will understand and accept he is an addict who needs help. No-one else can do that. It has to come from him.

His mother shares a lot of his delusions too and has done his whole life. She used to rant and scream about things that made no sense to dh. He still talks to her daily and she often agrees with him with his delusional like thinking like everyone is out to get him, his flatmates have messed with his food ect, medications are bad for you, chemicals in water are bad, the health clinic dh took him to was a scam. So talking to her is something of an echo chamber except he is more extreme.

in terms of rehab I doubt it he sees weed as a harmless natural medication that he needs. He would not go into a hostel or somewhere that he couldn’t smoke it in.

"Rock bottom" is a subjective, dangerous, and largely mythical concept in the context of addiction recovery and personal crisis, rather than a fixed, objective reality. While it is true that many people experience a "lowest point" that motivates change, believing that one must reach a catastrophic, life-destroying bottom before recovering is a dangerous, outdated, and often lethal myth.
Here is the breakdown of why rock bottom is considered more myth than reality:
Why "Rock Bottom" is a Myth

• It is Subjective: What one person considers "rock bottom" (e.g., losing a job) might be viewed as just another day by someone else whose bottom is much deeper (e.g., prison or homelessness).
• The "New Low" Phenomenon: Addiction is progressive. If you wait for rock bottom, you may find that the situation can always get worse—there is no fixed, solid floor.
• It's a Misleading Goal: Believing one must hit rock bottom can cause addicts and their loved ones to wait, delaying treatment and allowing physical, financial, and mental destruction to continue, or even lead to death.
• No "Aha" Moment: The idea that hitting the bottom will magically make someone want to change is false. Many people hit multiple "bottoms" without changing.

The Reality of "Rock Bottom"

• It Can Be Fatal: For many, the true, ultimate rock bottom is death, which is the only "bottom" from which no one can recover.
• A Turning Point, Not a Requirement: While some people do change after hitting a low point, recovery does not require it. People can and do seek help, or "raise the bottom," by choosing to change before losing everything.
• "Raising the Bottom": Experts advocate for this instead of waiting for a crash. This involves setting boundaries, intervening, and initiating treatment earlier to prevent the catastrophic, irreparable damage often associated with the traditional, mythological, "total" rock bottom.

Why the Myth Persists

• Media and Cultural Narrative: TV and movies often portray a dramatic, singular "bottom" moment followed by an instantaneous decision to change.
• 12-Step Misinterpretation: The concept originated from a misinterpretation in 12-step programs (like Alcoholics Anonymous) that suggested people needed to be "mangled" before they were ready, but modern recovery recognizes that this is not necessary.

The Bottom Line: You do not have to lose everything, or hit a certain level of despair, to deserve or start the process of recovery. Any moment of clarity is enough to seek help.

It sounds like he is delusional and actually sectioning him might help him.

Probably true too

@Neodymium I think maybe an IMHA could be helpful - I haven’t seen you mention one. An independent mental health advocate. There is an online directory website that shows where to find one depending on what area you live in.
What an awful situation to be in xxx

Remember that you and DH are not professionals and can not fix the problem.

Would DSS entertain moving right away to a new Northern region where he can live in a pod or caravan with help from homeless charities?

Does he have a social worker? They are the ones who sort out housing. I would talk to homeless and or mental health charities as they will be able to give you good advice. If he makes himself homeless, self preservation may kick in especially at this time of year.

My adult son was very much the same as this ,he has a diagnosis of autism,which due to immense stress tipped him in to schizophrenia temporarily...CAMHS said if his behaviour stayed the same for 6 weeks they would section him and diagnose with schizophrenia
We managed to bring down all the stress in his life ,and he didn't get sectioned or actually diagnosed with schizophrenia..which at the time we thought, was the best thing for him...but he still lives at home ,and has no demands placed on him in case things go backwards.
It's very hard to live with a person like this ..I would say he came close to ruining his siblings childhood with his violence.
So I understand where your coming from ,not able to have him around your other children..I have a younger child,and I'm not able to work ,so I can supervise the situation,to keep everyone safe .
Has he got any other diagnosis that his mum hasn't told you about ,that might be a way in for help.
I'd push for a social worker.my son has a social worker due to his autism.
If you can get a social worker,you might be able to get assisted living or some supported living..but your DH would have to push for it ..
Definitely push for a social worker

They wouldn't be able to do that without being guarantors and that would be extremely foolish and financially ruinous

Is your dh even thinking about living with him? I know it is all a nightmare for all of you but as parents I think the idea of leaving someone to their fate- his mum is no help so then it automatically falls to his dad. Could your dh not get a flat with him and work with him to try to get the mindset that has been enabled by his mum gone? (And before anyone says anything our family have had to deal with HUGE changes in mh, but I will say there was never violence so I know that’s a worry). Does he have any form of a mh worker op, as in has anyone been out to talk to him etc?

On what basis? He's not an immediate risk of harm to himself or others?

To be kept where?

Can he not live with the mum? Sounds like it’s genetic and he’s got it from her. If she’s encouraging these crazy beliefs they sound like minded