Homeless adult son

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My 29 year old stepson is likely to be homeless this week. It’s such a difficult situation - he has mental health issues but they are clusterb personality disorders so he doesn’t see himself as the problem. He is delusional. He refuses all medication except weed which he is a regular user. A lot of his delusional ideas are validated, unfortunately, by his mother eg medications ect are evil and bad.

he was in hospital recently and discharged. He refused treatment and eventually told them whatever so he could get out. The police had him admitted after his housemates called.

I have teenagers, I absolutely can not have him living here. Not a chance. Id leave dh before that happened. Dh agrees he can not live here.

his mother refuses to have him as well. She has another adult child who doesn’t like him. However she is very delusional about him being homeless and thinks he can easily just find somewhere. His current share house arrangement he’s been given notice to leave as the other tenants are frightened of him, there is police reports and the police are willing to come and remove him if he refuses to go. He is unlikely to try find another share house as he thinks he has rights where he is and is refusing to go ( he doesn’t have any rights, he just thinks he does). Likely come eviction day the police will be called to remove him, he will end up back in hospital and then discharged onto the street.

not really looking for advice on him. He’s unfortunately past the age of ‘youth’ homeless services so there isn’t much else particularly when he doesn’t want any treatment and doesn’t think he needs it. Dh however is struggling with the situation and seeing his son on the street will probably destroy him. So I just don’t know what to do to help dh.

Gosh that’s such a difficult situation for you. It sounds very similar. I’m not a psychiatrist but I believe my stepsons behaviour is like schizophrenia. There is a family history of it too, on his mums size.

The other thing is the part of the house where we do have space is separated from the rest of the house - separate bathroom lounge ect there - and that is where my 15 year old son is. So he would be semi alone with my 15 year old son. So definitely not happening.

Sadly social workers for adults are few and far between. Social workers work in adult disability teams and hospital discharge but fewer in adult mental health services. Of course they do exist but in specialist services such as early intervention psychosis or severe and enduring mental illness services. This man has a personality disorder and some delusional beliefs but I am not sure he would meet the criteria for a mental health social worker.

The OP has already addressed this.

I’m sorry OP it’s a really shit situation. I think your best bet is to let it happen, get to eviction day- he will be removed, and when it becomes clear that your door is not open to him the reality of that situation may be enough that he will engage with services that can actually help when faced with that or homelessness.

The bottom line is you cannot help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, he will likely change his mind about that when he realises that it’s that or sleeping on the streets.

I think this is the only way forward. Let him be the victim of his own fate. It might be the only way for him to a) get the right help and b) start to understand the consequences of his actions.

I’m sorry you are all in this situation. I am in a similar situation right now and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

How bad is the relationship between him and the other adult child at his mums? Is she worried that it’s dangerous or just doesn’t want the hassle?

If ifs the second one, I would try asking her whether she would reconsider if you gave her some money for his keep.

It sounds like they have a good relationship and that she is open to his beliefs/delusions so it might feel like a good option to him…

I’m so, so sorry that you’re going through this too. I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be for you.

Unfortunately for the OP’s DSS he had Cluster B personality disorder so he is very unlikely to think through his actions or accept that he may be at fault in anyway.

Hi OP. MH professional here. If he has a personality disorder then a hospital is not the correct place for him and he wouldn’t be considered detainable, hence he didn’t stay long in hospital. He also may have been in a place of safety which isn’t quite the same as hospital and tends to be where police take people. I’m a bit confused as to why he doesn’t have a community MH care coordinator- perhaps referral has been sent and he just hasn’t heard as waiting lists are huge or he has heard but isn’t engaging. DH must contact DSS’s GP stating what’s going on and say he needs an urgent referral to a community mental health team. Also some of what you describe sounds like he may be tipping into a psychosis or experience transient psychosis, which needs urgent attention. In terms of the homelessness, he must present homeless at the council and they’ll find him emergency accommodation.

oh and I know it’s hard but ultimately HE has to take responsibility for his wellbeing, with the support of professionals. DH can support him but must encourage him to take responsibility.

I work in MH secondary services - a community MH team - and we have some social workers and allied health professionals (I am one of them) but you’re right, there aren’t many.

with a personality disorder this gentleman would be suitable for referral to specialist secondary services where he’d get support and a care coordinator- it might not be a social worker but that doesn’t matter too much.

But only if he was receptive to the support.

Yes 👍 this sounds harsh but could be a solution as vulnerable adults are prioritised - I’m so sorry you are in this situation.

My youngest is 16 and I never leave them alone together.
Yes very difficult.hindsight is a wonderful thing ..not sure I did the right thing all those years ago , removing all stress so he didn't get sectioned..as nothing has moved on from that point for us as a family ..maybe with a diagnosis and medication we could all of lived a normal life ..who knows .
It's very hard trying to do the right thing for everyone,as everyone has different needs for what is the right thing for them.

Both factually wrong and totally callous. 2 stars for you.

It sounds an absolutely hopeless situation: there is help out there but he is too delusional to accept it, and yet not quite extreme enough to be sectioned. I do feel for you and your DH, really there doesn't seem to be any other option than to let him fall and come to the realisation that he must engage with support. His mother won't be any help at all, I presume she cannot be made to understand that her words and actions are just making him worse and worse.

Damaging walls is violent op

Why would you report the post?

OP has said he is violent damaged walls, ex girlfriend scared of him, flatmates calling the police. Why do you think no one will live with him. He is not safe to be around.

Thanks for the information. Dh does not know if/when he sees a gp. He left hospital supposed to see someone for a follow up but dh doesn’t know who or when. Because of his age and he hasn’t given permission none of these people can speak to dh about him.

he was definitely in a hospital and discharged next day. Dh actually went to see him and while waiting to be buzzed in, they instead brought him out to leave. Dh took him to his house share as he didn’t know the whole story or that he’s been given notice. That came out a few days later.

dh tried to help him get his room cleaned out. He was reluctant as he doesn’t want to leave. He is not caring for himself showering or washing clothes due to chemicals in the water. I don’t know if that’s enough evidence of the delusions / unable to take care of himself. They tried to buy dinner but he didn’t trust any of the food places, he said it was all too dangerous.

Very true. I told dh he needs to try and speak to the flatmates to just get a clear idea of his behaviour. But while he was there his son watched him like a hawk and didn’t give the opportunity for him to speak to them.

That is such a difficult situation you are in. I really feel for you.

Tell me where you can find a private landlord who will rent to a 29 year old unemployed smelly weed smoker without a guarantor? And why do you think it wouldn't be financially ruinous for them to do this? You think he'd be trusted to pay the rent on time? You know that the legal commitment of being a guarantor doesn't end at the end of the fixed term and they could be on the hook for 6-12 months of rent if he stopped paying and had to be evicted? Please tell me where I'm wrong?

Sounds to me like he was significantly damaged as a child by growing up in a neglectful abusive home due to his mother being unwell. His mum needed help, but our broken system probably didn't as she likely refused and was assessed as having capacity to refuse. He should have been removed to a more stable environment, but that's easy to say now. Causing him PD and him to use weed as a maladaptive coping mechanism.

His weed use may have added psychosis to his difficulties or it might "just" be learnt behaviour, plus PD.

IMHO the LAST place he needs to be if he is ever going to recover is with Mum and OP's husband should do everything he can to try and get him support. This is scarce and difficult to find, but not impossible with a lot of luck.

Mate, you are far too invested on this thread and clearly think you’re the only one with any relevant life experience and need to tell everyone else how it is. It’s really tiresome.

helping somebody find somewhere to rent is separate from being a guarantor. If they don’t want to be a guarantor, they don’t have to be, they can still help look for a space. It’s not easy but it’s two different things.

I’m a mental health social worker. Whilst he was in hospital, he should have been referred to a local community mental health team. So check if he has been. They can help.
Ring your local authority adult social care team and get him on the waiting list for a care act assessment. He might not get any help but it’ll get him on the radar and will flag up need.
Ring housing and inform them of the date of the eviction and state that no one can house him. Speak about his delusional beliefs and that they are not correct, as they will ring and ask him if he can stay with family. If he answers yes they will wash their hands of him.
They will find him emergency accommodation, even if it is a room in a hostel. I have had some very risky, unwell people who have been housed in some description. Far from ideal but not street homeless.
If he does become street homeless by not engaging with the homeless prevention team or missing calls/ appointments, then flag him with the local street triage team. He is vulnerable not only due to poor MH but he hasn’t been homeless before so he will be a target. You want them to be aware of him.
Is he on meds? If so you can ring his GP and speak about how difficult it will be for him to take meds regularly and safely if he is street homeless. GP’s have some clout.

Its the weed. Some people can have it and have no negative effect.
Others it makes them paranoid and delusional. And leads to awful mental health problems. He wont improve unless he stops it . He will just get worse.
And you cant have him around children.
Maybe he needs to hit rock bottom to see that. Or be sectioned

This is excellent advice, but be warned despite dual diagnosis NICE guidance a lot of services will turn him away and say it's drug induced psychosis and he simply needs to stop choosing to smoke weed. Your DH may need to fight for him.

In some areas there are some excellent and little known services for people who are new to service and experiencing psychosis. They seem well funded, very supportive and good advocates so it would be good for your DH to see if anything like that exists in your area.