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Parents of adult children

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Homeless adult son

127 replies

Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:01

My 29 year old stepson is likely to be homeless this week. It’s such a difficult situation - he has mental health issues but they are clusterb personality disorders so he doesn’t see himself as the problem. He is delusional. He refuses all medication except weed which he is a regular user. A lot of his delusional ideas are validated, unfortunately, by his mother eg medications ect are evil and bad.

he was in hospital recently and discharged. He refused treatment and eventually told them whatever so he could get out. The police had him admitted after his housemates called.

I have teenagers, I absolutely can not have him living here. Not a chance. Id leave dh before that happened. Dh agrees he can not live here.

his mother refuses to have him as well. She has another adult child who doesn’t like him. However she is very delusional about him being homeless and thinks he can easily just find somewhere. His current share house arrangement he’s been given notice to leave as the other tenants are frightened of him, there is police reports and the police are willing to come and remove him if he refuses to go. He is unlikely to try find another share house as he thinks he has rights where he is and is refusing to go ( he doesn’t have any rights, he just thinks he does). Likely come eviction day the police will be called to remove him, he will end up back in hospital and then discharged onto the street.

not really looking for advice on him. He’s unfortunately past the age of ‘youth’ homeless services so there isn’t much else particularly when he doesn’t want any treatment and doesn’t think he needs it. Dh however is struggling with the situation and seeing his son on the street will probably destroy him. So I just don’t know what to do to help dh.

OP posts:
TaraC25 · 24/01/2026 13:09

Let's also consider that despite being 29, it sounds like he's been failed and emotionally is still incredibly childlike.

Daygloboo · 24/01/2026 13:17

Neodymium · 23/01/2026 21:33

We couldn’t afford to rent him a place, and Dh couldn’t live with him anyway. He is so delusional and paranoid and none of it makes sense. He refuses to shower cause of chemicals in the water and stays up all night smoking weed. He constantly accuses people of touching his things and is paranoid about people touching his food. He’s not been violent to people that we know but he has damaged walls ect. His doctor will only see him with another person present as they feel unsafe. All of this angers him as he thinks he’s being treated badly and gets angry when he is told people feel unsafe around him as he doesn’t see himself like that.

he had a girlfriend years and years ago who he lived with for awhile. She came with her father to collect her things as she didn’t feel safe and that made him angry. He rang up dh and ranted about being treated like he was a psycho when he’s not.

I would say drug induced psychosis. Oh the joys of 21st century Britain. Andvthey want to legalise this shit.

Neodymium · 24/01/2026 13:23

TaraC25 · 24/01/2026 13:08

Is DH able to speak with the flatmates and establish the truth around him 'not being able to use the toilet'?? If it's true, just as a blanket rule, then it's abuse.
But I highly suspect that he has left it messy, wee on the seat, skid marks etc and they've maybe said "if you can't tidy it up, don't bother using it" to which your stepson has taken that on board as 'I'm not allowed to use the toilet'

As OP mentioned, it absolutely sounds like he could have autism..
But also the mother failed him and it seems like he hasn't learnt basic adult living skills of cleanliness, tidying after oneself etc.

I feel for you, it's a really tricky situation and your poor DH must be so upset as it's his flesh and blood

No dss watched him the entire time and was careful to not let dh speak to flatmates. I suggested slipping them a note with his number to call when he goes back. But he’s worried because if his son caught him doing that he would go absolutely mental.

there is some autism in the family yes. None is his teachers ever raised that with us. Other things like his comprehension, yes which we investigated. And he used to be able to care for himself better than now. Many years ago he used to get angry that dh did take him to various appointments as a child as ‘he was trying to find something wrong with him when there isn’t’. However this has now flipped completely and he now thinks that he had adhd, which he diagnosed himself with, and it’s dhs fault for not getting an assessment done. Basically we can’t do anything right.

OP posts:
Neodymium · 24/01/2026 13:26

Daygloboo · 24/01/2026 13:17

I would say drug induced psychosis. Oh the joys of 21st century Britain. Andvthey want to legalise this shit.

That’s what I think too. However I think that it’s likely to persist even if he stops the drugs. That super hydroponic shit that is grown these days is not the same as the weed of the 60s. He even said that the medical stuff was too expensive and not as good - probably because it’s not these super strong varieties that’s sold on the street

OP posts:
Bluecrystal2 · 24/01/2026 13:37

Sometimes being sectioned is the best thing. My brother got sectioned and this got him into the system. He now lives in a flat and he is under the supervision of a community mental health nurse.

TaraC25 · 24/01/2026 13:39

Neodymium · 24/01/2026 13:23

No dss watched him the entire time and was careful to not let dh speak to flatmates. I suggested slipping them a note with his number to call when he goes back. But he’s worried because if his son caught him doing that he would go absolutely mental.

there is some autism in the family yes. None is his teachers ever raised that with us. Other things like his comprehension, yes which we investigated. And he used to be able to care for himself better than now. Many years ago he used to get angry that dh did take him to various appointments as a child as ‘he was trying to find something wrong with him when there isn’t’. However this has now flipped completely and he now thinks that he had adhd, which he diagnosed himself with, and it’s dhs fault for not getting an assessment done. Basically we can’t do anything right.

Why is your DH behaving like he's scared of his son though?
Is he "goes mental"... then so what, DH can call the police and get him done for assault or sectioned or whatever.

It sounds very much like enabling and DH is behaving like a victim of abuse.. It doesn't need to be this way? DH is allowed to speak freely with other adults.

Driftingawaynow · 24/01/2026 13:49

TaraC25 · 24/01/2026 12:43

Was that recent?
In my area nowadays, rents are extortionate and tenants need to be earning a minimum amount in comparison to the rent.

Given that the OPs stepson is unemployed and doesn't even have decent references from previous landlords, it is highly likely any prospective landlords will seek some security in the form of a guarantor/huge lump sum up front deposit.

Yea in the last few years. It’s a nightmare don’t get me wrong, but there are desperate people who live in shit holes and if they are “lucky” maybe they will find one. This is about as likely as any other solution so probably worth a try at least.

Luckyingame · 24/01/2026 14:01

Crosscountryramble · 24/01/2026 10:36

Why would you report the post?

OP has said he is violent damaged walls, ex girlfriend scared of him, flatmates calling the police. Why do you think no one will live with him. He is not safe to be around.

Exactly.

Catwalking · 24/01/2026 14:29

ShawnaMacallister · 24/01/2026 06:23

On what basis? He's not an immediate risk of harm to himself or others?

Except as above, the doctor feeling unsafe if alone with him.
AND If he’s not taking meds that he needs to ‘heal’, then he is a danger to himself I’d say.

There are a few locked wards of a few locked rooms for sectioned patients. Think he’d find it quite difficult to ‘talk’ himself out of such a place as this.

ShawnaMacallister · 24/01/2026 15:17

Catwalking · 24/01/2026 14:29

Except as above, the doctor feeling unsafe if alone with him.
AND If he’s not taking meds that he needs to ‘heal’, then he is a danger to himself I’d say.

There are a few locked wards of a few locked rooms for sectioned patients. Think he’d find it quite difficult to ‘talk’ himself out of such a place as this.

That's not how the criteria for sectioning people works I'm afraid

Fibreisyourfriend · 24/01/2026 15:32

I was going to suggest he needs sectioning but I see that's been tried. How about the YMCA ? They provide all sorts of support and if needed housing YMCA locations

Find Your Local YMCA | YMCA England & Wales

Find your local YMCA in England and Wales using our search tool. Learn more about your local YMCA and the services they offer or contact them today.

https://ymca.org.uk/locations/

Yestocoffeeatnight86 · 24/01/2026 15:36

ShawnaMacallister · 24/01/2026 12:19

It's not an unshared reality. The mother believes the same - plenty of people believe in medical conspiracy theories. His beliefs may be a symptom of psychosis but more likely they are a feature of his personality and ideology.

Neither you nor I can diagnose what’s going on. But OP’s further posts about him refusing to eat in restaurants and fear of being poisoned etc sounds like an unshared reality to me. Tbh it’s neither here nor there, he needs support either way.

Neodymium · 24/01/2026 20:39

TaraC25 · 24/01/2026 13:39

Why is your DH behaving like he's scared of his son though?
Is he "goes mental"... then so what, DH can call the police and get him done for assault or sectioned or whatever.

It sounds very much like enabling and DH is behaving like a victim of abuse.. It doesn't need to be this way? DH is allowed to speak freely with other adults.

That’s sort of what I said to him. Don’t provoke him necessarily but just stop walking on eggshells and treat him normally. Then if he does lose his shit then it’s easier to call in help.

I am aware he is potentially enabling him by being careful what he says but he thinks that dss will just cut him off and refuse to speak to him if he’s not careful. Which has happened many times in the past.

its very difficult. When he is recounting some situation angrily about how he was ‘wronged’ by someone, it’s very clear that he wasn’t wronged at all. But if you try to tell him that he just starts yelling. His mother always tells him
he is right however. Dh just tends to listen and not offer an opinion.

OP posts:
bunnygrav3 · 25/01/2026 01:08

Yestocoffeeatnight86 · 24/01/2026 08:54

Hi OP. MH professional here. If he has a personality disorder then a hospital is not the correct place for him and he wouldn’t be considered detainable, hence he didn’t stay long in hospital. He also may have been in a place of safety which isn’t quite the same as hospital and tends to be where police take people. I’m a bit confused as to why he doesn’t have a community MH care coordinator- perhaps referral has been sent and he just hasn’t heard as waiting lists are huge or he has heard but isn’t engaging. DH must contact DSS’s GP stating what’s going on and say he needs an urgent referral to a community mental health team. Also some of what you describe sounds like he may be tipping into a psychosis or experience transient psychosis, which needs urgent attention. In terms of the homelessness, he must present homeless at the council and they’ll find him emergency accommodation.

oh and I know it’s hard but ultimately HE has to take responsibility for his wellbeing, with the support of professionals. DH can support him but must encourage him to take responsibility.

Edited

Interested in where you work. Must be a postcode lottery because here you would not get a care coordinator with a pd. Pleased to hear it may be different elsewhere

bunnygrav3 · 25/01/2026 01:13

Crosscountryramble · 24/01/2026 10:36

Why would you report the post?

OP has said he is violent damaged walls, ex girlfriend scared of him, flatmates calling the police. Why do you think no one will live with him. He is not safe to be around.

Call me the humanity police. Its not ok to say that humans diagnosed with a wide spectrum of symptoms often caused by trauma and which have extremely variable presentations are not suitable to live with ANYONE.

Neodymium · 28/01/2026 13:09

Well bit of an update. He left his house share and is on the street. Not sure where. The hospital finally decided he shouldn’t have been discharged and want to bring him back in but of course they can’t find him and he is not going voluntarily. We have a vague idea where he is but he won’t say exactly. Last phone call
he was completely unhinged ranting about people looking for him and his rights and how he’s smarter than all those dumb C* in the hospital anyway.

OP posts:
SomedayIllBeSaturdayNight · 28/01/2026 13:18

I'm so sorry OP, what an awful outcome.

SleafordSods · 28/01/2026 13:42

How is your DH coping with what’s happened and how are you? Flowers

TaraC25 · 28/01/2026 15:08

Neodymium · 28/01/2026 13:09

Well bit of an update. He left his house share and is on the street. Not sure where. The hospital finally decided he shouldn’t have been discharged and want to bring him back in but of course they can’t find him and he is not going voluntarily. We have a vague idea where he is but he won’t say exactly. Last phone call
he was completely unhinged ranting about people looking for him and his rights and how he’s smarter than all those dumb C* in the hospital anyway.

😥😥 Sorry to read your update. I hope he's able to be contacted soon and can get the support he needs! X

Neodymium · 28/01/2026 20:16

SleafordSods · 28/01/2026 13:42

How is your DH coping with what’s happened and how are you? Flowers

Dh seems ok for now. His son rang after the police is called him to see where he was and he was just completely nuts screaming and ranting. All different voices.

He has accepted that we have done what we can for now, we are storing all his stuff. When we went there to help do his room, he’d was packing. He was putting rubbish into the storage bags, it was just chaos. We sorted through it all to organise it to store. Open packs of food in bags with everything, washing powder in a broken container spilled through everything. Everything was dirty and broken. Full of insects and stuff too. We had to insect bomb the lot. Dh washed all the clothes to store. Plus everything stinks of weed.

OP posts:
onemoretimebutnotagain · 09/02/2026 21:13

ok, we are bashing the young going on benefits for mental health issues, but this man has the real issues

SleafordSods · 09/02/2026 21:19

Sorry I didn’t reply to your last post. It must be absolutely heartbreaking to see him in such a state. How are you all getting on this week?

Neodymium · 10/02/2026 12:35

SleafordSods · 09/02/2026 21:19

Sorry I didn’t reply to your last post. It must be absolutely heartbreaking to see him in such a state. How are you all getting on this week?

It’s very sad. There isn’t anything we can do, he’s left town now and isn’t answering any calls. The police have the paperwork to take him back to hospital but they have to know where he is to do so. It’s hard for dh but he also knows there isn’t much we can do. The stories from his roommates were quite concerning he was very violent and aggressive towards them so we definitely couldn’t have him here. The female housemate was an older tiny lady so for him to be threatening and intimidating to her is just appalling. We have spoken to a few people who have been through similar and they all say only answer is a long stint in hospital getting treatment.

OP posts:
DeluluTaylor · 10/02/2026 19:41

@Neodymiumif he does end up back in hospital, try to attend the ward rounds and push for some decent discharge planning. A longish admission won’t be as bad as he might go into a S3 which would make him eligible for 117 aftercare. There’s a good bit on the Mind website about this

Pinkissmart · 10/02/2026 19:48

Gosh you blamed his mum a lot in your op