Sadness over no grandchildren

[AmateurOwls]

First time poster so hope I make sense!
I have two adult daughters. One has never wanted children, but the other has always said she'd like them. Recently we were chatting and she said her and her partner have now decided against them. I kept it together while she was there but afterwards, the only way I can describe it, is it felt like a bereavement. I hadn't realised how much I was looking forward to being a grandma. I have a husband, friends, nice holidays etc but life feels pointless. My nephews aren't having children either so the family has just stopped. I see my friends with their grandchildren and the fun they have and my heart breaks. I'm on my own this evening and started crying while I was watching Call the Midwife. Please has anyone else felt like this and how do you cope with it?

What an odd thing to say! Why will she most likely outlive her children?!

I don't think I have actually.

I do my best not to classify other human beings by their reproductive status.

You sound unstable if you'd consider getting sterilized just because someone suggested having a baby - probably best if you don't.

But going by Mumsnet posts, it's the more recent generation of mothers that seems to be shutting the rest of the family out.

How many threads do we see where new mothers are refusing family visitors for weeks (sometimes months)? And complaining about hosting or visiting family (especially if they're in-laws), or moaing because the grandparents are 'demanding' to see their grandchildren?

Very true @saraclara

I will just mention that I told my MIL I/we didn't want children to try to get her to back off about the subject - in fact it was a lot more complicated than that and I definitely didn't want her getting involved in a situation involving a whole bunch of stuff much of which would have been embarrassing (for her and us) for her to know about. When we did eventually have our child, after 6 years of effort, expense, doctors, counsellors, social workers and rejection, she and FIL had moved to be 5 minutes away from BIL and his wife who had produced two children, when they wanted, with little angst. She was kind of put out! But I'm afraid it was her fault for being intrusive, jumping to conclusions and for assuming that the situation had been brought about by me when actually it was her son that was the main issue.

She is now a very good grandma tbh but is limited by what she can do in age and distance. And I'm closer to the older friend who always listened without judgement and is now a "proxy granny" as a pp rather elegantly put it.

I won’t be a grandma either. It’s something I’m slowly coming to terms with and I totally understand where you’re coming from OP.

I’m determined to start some volunteering (already have a few hobbies) to keep me busy. It’s not the same as having grandchildren but there’s nothing I can change due to the circumstances. I hope we all find peace with this…. x