Son gets rebound girlfriend pregnant after 3 months

[Itcanonlygetbetter72]

I posted on here a while re my Son cheating on his long term girlfriend and he had gone into a relationship which appeared to be a rebound.
It now transpires that the rebound girlfriend has got herself pregnant after 3 months with my Son!!!
My Son never told us, he did so through his Brother.
He never had children on the agenda (his 22) but I predicted she would get pregnant (call it mothers intuition) when he first started seeing her as he is a good meal ticket for anyone.
She (I am sorry to say) is unemployed and from a not so nice background or equally family.
When we approached our Son (by phone as he has avoided me fact to face since this all came to light) and said he also has options his response was "she wants to keep it" so I have to get on with it.
It is like he been completely cast under a spell with the woman and her family, the bottom line he came last week (I was at work but his Dad was at home), cleared his room and said he cannot stay here anymore with me and they love each other and are going to spend the rest of their lives with each other.
Subsequently he has blocked both myself and his brother from all forms of contact and we have not heard from him since.

His Dad has not heard from him and it us left us all completely devastated.
I did say to him if you do not want to be a part of this that's is fine, no one is judging you but you do have to be responsible financially for the child.

We know this is a rebound situation and not only will it ruin his life as no matter what this mistake, and before you all curse me, it is a mistake will stay with him for life. A child will be coming into this world, not because it was planned but because it's mother purely wanted to trap someone, my Son or some other poor soul and then there is no escape even when you split.

Both my Husband and I are just carrying on with our lives, leaving him to it, if he gets in touch we will talk to him but if not then so be it, of course heartbroken inside but he is very stubborn and will continue down this path even if it makes him unhappy.

My Sons last message to me was I do not want you in my life and never want to see or hear from you again. I have come to terms with that now.

Anyone else on here, by any chance experience the same and please I am looking for constructive comments, the last experience here produced some less than nice responses which quite frankly that is not what I am here for, I am here to hear about anyone else who has had a similar experience and where did it end up. TIA

No, if anything, the OP would have taught her son not to get involved with trashy girls just like my husband taught his trash son not to do drugs etc. Of course, the trash son didn't listen, the perfect one did.

It is the sons that are the problem not the parents.

Thank you @IMustDoMoreExercise you are 100% correct. Sadly one did not listen and one did.
These situations can be avoided but our Sons choose the wrong path and we can see being older,wiser and life experiences this will end up causing heartache and pain and the fall out from both parties being irresponsible is huge. It’s fine saying “his doing the right thing” if that’s what he wants but it’s not, he is being pressured into doing so, then when the crap hits the fan and he realises he no longer wants to be in a family unit and leaves he will be branded all the so and so under the sun, they return to their families to help with the clearing up the mess. The comments on here have interesting, from being called a C* to misogynistic. I have read them, digested and moved to the next one, taking on board any that are either neutral or positive. No doubt after this there will be another 30 posts disagreeing with what I have said, telling me to eat humble pie (which I won’t be doing), that’s fine keyboard warrior away.

Is that how you go through life? Only paying attention to advice - that you have explicitly asked for - when it's positive or neutral? Well that explains a great deal to be fair. How dare anyone have a negative opinion of negative behaviour...

Yes, this is exactly what happened to my step son. He is paying for his mistake every day of his life.

We have a lovely grandson, but his parents are in a very volatile (ex) relationship and he has severe mental health problems because of it.

The whole situation is a mess and we are just lucky that we could afford to help my stepson or he would have been homeless. Most parents can't spare thousands of pounds.

I don't know whether there is more complexity than you are painting, and I am sorry that your grandson is suffering due to both parents.

I'm also sorry that your step son is immature, and I wonder if your efforts would be better spent losing the the attitude of "paying for it" "volatile relationship" and "mistake" and focussing on the constructive things that you can do to encourage constructive and mature thinking in your step-son. It doesn't sound like being a good parent is important to him, and it doesn't sound like he has a lot of insight into how he contributes to that absolute mess, and it really doesn't sound like he is developing the skills to deal with problems beyond throwing Dad's money at it.

Your step son should not be enabled to see this is a mistake to be paid for every day of his life. He should not be enabled to speak disparagingly about the mother of his child whom he was happy to be with until the going got tough. He shouldn't be enabled in helplessness. He needs to really examine his own behaviour first; does he have unrealistic expectations of his ex? does he lose his temper and make things worse? Can he articulate what he could do differently? Can he think about whether he might be the cause of her mental health issues.

Hopefully he can turn his attention to his child, and the future.

At least you love your grandson and try to be there for him compared to @Itcanonlygetbetter72 who has explicitly said she wants nothing to do with her grandchild because his mother is up to the standards she expected for her son.

The son who is a cheat and liar I might add but she has conveniently blamed the woman for trying to trap her amazing catch of a son.

He needs to really examine his own behaviour first; does he have unrealistic expectations of his ex? does he lose his temper and make things worse? Can he articulate what he could do differently? Can he think about whether he might be the cause of her mental health issues.

Yes to all those. He hates his ex and hates the fact that she trapped him deliberately when they were both so young.

It is a mess all round and we don't have the time nor inclination to do anything apart from give him money bc we want to enjoy our retirement, not act as counsellors bc we are human and are just fed up of him.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to his behaviour and I could write a book about everything that he as done since he became an adult but we just try to forget about the past bc it is too distressing. We have both lived normal, sensible lives, so his behaviour is so alien to us so we couldn't understand it even if we wanted to.

Yes to all those. He hates his ex and hates the fact that she trapped him deliberately when they were both so young.

Refusing to be coerced into an abortion isn’t trapping anyone.
No one owes it to you to do your contraception when you can’t be arsed or don’t want to.

You actually make it sound like he is coercing (abusing) you and your husband to get money from you. I hope you are safe.

My Son is not amazing by any way, shape or form and everything I have read by @IMustDoMoreExercise i can either relate to or predict how our Son will end up. He will end up hating the woman and everything to do with her. BUT like @IMustDoMoreExercise my Husband and I want a peaceful life, his behaviour is also alien to us, we are very fortunate enough to be able to retire earlier than we expected but I can now see we are going to have to deal with the fall out of all of this. He is not violent, into drugs or alcohol which I guess is one blessing for all those concerned.

Yes, and I forgot that we have paid for lots of counselling sessions but he just stops going.

Sometime you can't help people, you just have to let them be and try to not let it affect your life.

How else would it be taken ? Adoption is the only other option.

Immaculate conception refers to the birth of Mary who was born without original sin so she could be the mother of Jesus as she didn't have the sin on her soul. You are talking about virgin birth. At least get your religious terminology correct when being nasty to someone.

You silly old woman!