Son's Wedding Speech

[MyPunnyHedgehog]

I would love some feed back and perhaps some ideas on how to move on

My DS got married last week . He is 31. He has been with my daughter in law for 5 years and they have a two year old boy.

When they announced they were pregnant they moved closer to both sets of parents . They had their son and all was lovely. Ok I didn’t see him as much as the mums side but that’s what happens when your the mum of boys so I accepted what I was given with a smile. He would call me for help on various stuff including me buying a fridge freezer , helping out with paying for the engagement ring etc. As their son grew I saw more and more of him and babysat loads . I would do it with five mins notice and have even called in sick or created a reason not to go to work . They moved house and I went over and cleaned it from top to bottom and helped move furniture. I rented a van and helped . The wedding was fast approaching. I couldn’t match the money that her family gave but I did say the 1k for the ring he didn’t have to pay back and he was to use the money he was paying back towards the wedding . I was not included in any of the wedding prep even though I offered all the time . I babysat so they could do that so it so it was a winner for me. The day before the hen weekend I was asked if I would forgo my place as the stag was on the same day and they needed babysitting. I did that despite paying to go and said the money I paid don’t give it back but to use it for drinks for everyone. The night before the wedding I had a call to see if on the day I could come over and try and get my grandson to nap , feed him and get him ready . This did mean I had 30 mins to dress , makeup, get my two elderly relatives ready . I did what was asked . When I got to the venue he was whisked away and I barely saw him The wedding went off without a hitch . It came to the speech’s Her dad did one and he said lovely things about his wife and my son . Next was the best men . Funny and enjoyable. Then my son . He stood up and did a lovely speech all about his wife . I burst with pride . He went in the thank her mum and dad for everything they do etc, his mate for coming and being there for him then his wife and he then said and finally … the women who made the cake . It felt like the air was sucked out the room . My family were all looking at me . I smiled and clapped and ate dinner . I excused myself and went to the toilet and try not cry. Family came and I held my compose . I said it didn’t matter and wanted to enjoy the rest of the day . I smiled and laughed and danced . I gave her a locket I had bought her as a special gift From me to her . I left way after everyone else and finally got back to my room and cried hard. Next day that smile was back on my face . I have not mentioned it to them and they are now in honeymoon. I took annual leave to help the other grandparents with my grandson but was told it’s not needed as her family have it in hand . This is not her fault she did nothing wrong but how do I get passed this with my son ?

Any chance his nerves made him mis speak?

My best friend, bride speech, made a huge mistake - which everyone understood (I hope) was a mistake.

She said all the thank yous, got to last thank you, turned to her youngest sister and said “I hope your wedding is better than mine”

she didn’t even realise what she had said, certain no one mentioned it to her or it would have been bride in tears

she didn’t realise that everyone was cringing

I wouldn’t stop babysitting as it would be cutting your nose off to spite your face . I’m
sorry you were treated like this , it’s thoughtless My kids are/ were close to both sets of grandparents as both babysat them, I am sure you will be close to your grandson and that’s an important thing.

Well I’d have thought that it’s obvious not to say anything on the actual wedding day.

but yes good idea about getting someone else to contact him.

A daughter is a daughter for life
A son is a son until he takes a wife

What absolute nonsense.

What a selfish, thoughtless, ignorant bastard! I seriously admire your restraint for keeping schtum at the time. If you don't want to confront him yourself, ask someone in your close family to do it. Doesn't matter, something NEEDS to be said because he was bang out of order. He thanks the lady who made the bloody cake but can't thank his own mother who has gone above and beyond in EVERYTHING? When you DO get this settled, please don't be making yourself so available. I feel that your son has treated you like a bloody door mat and it's just not on. I'm actually raging writing this. I do hope you get everything settled. You certainly didn't deserve that treatment and I really feel for you.

I am so angry reading this, What an utterly shocking and disrespectful speech from your Son. I have no words of advice, but i would also feel so heartbroken if this was me xx

That is so hurtful. Can anyone have a word with him on your behalf? He is either taking you for granted or not seeing you. If you can't find anyone suitable to have a word, then I think you need to have a conversation with him yourself, and let him know how hurt you felt. I don't know him so I don't know if this will help the situation or drive you further apart. xxx

Send him a link to this thread. Or ask someone close to you both to send him a link to this thread. He'll see how hurt you are, and from the responses he'll see what a selfish arsehole he is. I am so sorry this has happened to you OP. You sound a lovely mum. Lovely people do get taken advantage of. You get married for the first time only once. He can never undo this. He's shown his true colours.

I can’t believe you paid for the engagement ring . Sounds like you d been treated as a doormat I would start saying no

He's a twat but I don't think you're doing anyone any favours by dropping everything all the time for him and not telling him when you're pissed off with him.

I can't believe that either. What woman wants an engagement ring her MIL paid for?? Though my SIL gave her engagement ring from her first marriage to her 2nd MIL (which she had paid for in the first place!) I thought that was bonkers!

Try and forget about it. Weddings are stressful times; he may have been under considerable strain and simply misspoke. Don't place too much emphasis on a single event.

I’m so sorry your son did not acknowledge you , and thank you for all the love and support you have given him and your daughter in law. I’m wondering if there is something deeper going back in your family history as you did not mention the father of your son . It may be totally irrelevant and I don’t wish to pry.
I think ,rather than dwell on his lack of acknowledgment , which must have hurt , you do have to explain how you feel to your son . He may love you so much he thought it was a forgone conclusion and didn’t think it was necessary to mention you in his speech. Tell him I know you love me but please explain why I wasn’t mentioned on the wedding day.

You sound like a wonderful woman who has unfortunately ended up with a selfish thoughtless son.

I would be mortified for him.
Unfortunately you do far too much and make little of yourself by doing so.

He has completely taken you for granted.
You need to step back and be a LOT less available.

Oh and you paying for the engagement says so much about him.
You have done far too much and he has all the signs of it.

I really appreciate how upset you were/are. Ironically it’s probably because you are always the dependable helpful one that he neglected to mention you. You did nothing out of the ordinary, for you are their “steadfast go to” you did what they have come to expect . They forget that we all like to be thanked and feel appreciated . The best Mum’s are often taken for granted.
only you can decide if you can get over this without a conversation with your son. You would need to stay calm . I recommend not listing what you have done /do just a simple it would have been nice to have got a mention in your list of thank you’s.
You can’t change it now and you don’t want to change the close relationship you have with him and his family.
i really hope you can get over this hurt and not let it depress you and inhibit your future . If you talk to him he will probably be mortified . Try to think of the others as being on a tick list and you are too special to be on it . Hugs xx

I agree with this, he could have missed part of the speech when reading it out but you’d like to think someone would have already given him the heads-up that he has missed you out!!

I wouldn’t mention anything
If someone else does then hopefully he will be suitably ashamed of leaving you out of his speech

My personal opinion though is your DS knows that he didn’t mention you. It was deliberate because his bride dislikes you.

When it comes to his bride I suspect this is where the problem lies. Leaving you out of the hen night was deliberate. She didn’t want you there. If she did then a baby sitter would have been hired.

I would go forward with caution. Definitely not doing any sort of helping without a nice day or meal out or something else in return**

Yes you will look after dgs, clean their house or do something to help them out

But if they don’t thank you by taking you out to dinner going on a day or evening out , buying your favourite perfume then don’t do anything for them untill they have reciprocated your generosity

I suspect her parents don’t do anything with out a “payback” being expected
Even if they invite your DS and g/f round for dinner themselves. They will expect it to be an entertaining evening.

I think you're u sound like an amazing Mum!

OMG, I can't remember whether my DH even mentioned me in his speech. All I cared about was that he got through it. Guests just want the speeches to be over. Drop it OP

You should talk to your son about how you feel.. and stop doing so much for them

You sound lovely and obviously love your son a lot. My guess is that he knows how much he is loved and takes it for granted that you are always there for him. He probably just assumes you know how much he loves you so doesn't feel the need to shout about it. One day he'll probably wish he had shouted about it more. But he loves you and you both know it and that's all that matters. Don't worry about what other people think.

I think you've raised a dreadfully selfish and entitled man despite having the best of intentions. I cannot in a million years imagine my husband summoning his mother to get a child ready for a wedding with 30 minutes notice. She would have told him not to be ridiculous in any case.

Just don't even be available like this again at short notice. Don't risk your job for them. Try and prioritise your own security and social life. Don't always be the one stuck with childcare and herding elderly relatives. Join things, go on holidays with a friend. Don't contribute another penny to the ungrateful and ungracious pair. Surely even if your son forgot that you raised him singlehandedly from babyhood his wife could have reminded him. I can say when my son went to live in halls in another city he came back with a new appreciation of what was provided at home - fully stocked fridge and freezer, own large room , central heating, unlimted wifi, car to borrow etc for free.

You should no longer be puny hedgehog but mighty hedgehog.

Sounds like you've always put yourself out for him, and he now takes it for granted that that is your job. Time to stop being a doormat. Tell him - calmly and kindly - how hurt you are, and take a step back.

Like you I would have felt really hurt and you need to confront him over a coffee (try not to spit in it!!) He's took you for granted, sounds like a selfish git, but to thank the poxy baker and leave you out, the unpaid babysitter, left out of the hen night but use you so they all look fab!! These will turn into a huge resentment and come out all wrong at the wrong time. Let him have a day or two then say can I have a word, remind him what you do and you love doing it you may have to list a few things as he sounds spare out, then let him have it, do not spare his feelings he hasn't yours, your anger hurt and disappointment are all valid he needs to hear this. You'll be doing him a favour he might think about someone else in future, but this is for you an apology isn't good enough!!! Express yourself please and don't be afraid in case he punishes you it would be his loss as he dint sound like he does much for you!! A mother of 2 sons xxxxgoid luck