Son's Wedding Speech

[MyPunnyHedgehog]

I would love some feed back and perhaps some ideas on how to move on

My DS got married last week . He is 31. He has been with my daughter in law for 5 years and they have a two year old boy.

When they announced they were pregnant they moved closer to both sets of parents . They had their son and all was lovely. Ok I didn’t see him as much as the mums side but that’s what happens when your the mum of boys so I accepted what I was given with a smile. He would call me for help on various stuff including me buying a fridge freezer , helping out with paying for the engagement ring etc. As their son grew I saw more and more of him and babysat loads . I would do it with five mins notice and have even called in sick or created a reason not to go to work . They moved house and I went over and cleaned it from top to bottom and helped move furniture. I rented a van and helped . The wedding was fast approaching. I couldn’t match the money that her family gave but I did say the 1k for the ring he didn’t have to pay back and he was to use the money he was paying back towards the wedding . I was not included in any of the wedding prep even though I offered all the time . I babysat so they could do that so it so it was a winner for me. The day before the hen weekend I was asked if I would forgo my place as the stag was on the same day and they needed babysitting. I did that despite paying to go and said the money I paid don’t give it back but to use it for drinks for everyone. The night before the wedding I had a call to see if on the day I could come over and try and get my grandson to nap , feed him and get him ready . This did mean I had 30 mins to dress , makeup, get my two elderly relatives ready . I did what was asked . When I got to the venue he was whisked away and I barely saw him The wedding went off without a hitch . It came to the speech’s Her dad did one and he said lovely things about his wife and my son . Next was the best men . Funny and enjoyable. Then my son . He stood up and did a lovely speech all about his wife . I burst with pride . He went in the thank her mum and dad for everything they do etc, his mate for coming and being there for him then his wife and he then said and finally … the women who made the cake . It felt like the air was sucked out the room . My family were all looking at me . I smiled and clapped and ate dinner . I excused myself and went to the toilet and try not cry. Family came and I held my compose . I said it didn’t matter and wanted to enjoy the rest of the day . I smiled and laughed and danced . I gave her a locket I had bought her as a special gift From me to her . I left way after everyone else and finally got back to my room and cried hard. Next day that smile was back on my face . I have not mentioned it to them and they are now in honeymoon. I took annual leave to help the other grandparents with my grandson but was told it’s not needed as her family have it in hand . This is not her fault she did nothing wrong but how do I get passed this with my son ?

@SwedishHills if it’s not bad enough they made her miss the hen do, they didn’t even reimburse her the money she’s already paid to go on the hen.

Gosh my heart goes out to you OP. Nothing wrong with just saying how you feel, you are entitled to be hurt and you need to talk it through with your son. No drama, no recriminations just explain how he hurt you and how you feel, nobody could blame you for feeling the way you do x

I have read everyone's messages to you it's a tricky one he may have just missed and not realised,but I agree with some that perhaps it should not come from you but someone should definitely have a word.Young people I'm afraid can be selfish but this does need to be handled carefully as you don't want this to cause a rift between you.My SIL and BIL have done everything for their two boys and paid for the weddings and helped them both with the deposit for a house.They both have children now but they hardly ever get to see them although they live nearby and if they do it's a flying visit I feel for them both although they never complain.

It sounds like you are being taken for granted and not being given any credit for all the work you do for them. Having a grandchild is a blessing but it is also hard work at times! I think I would be busy the next time they ask you for a favour. Start doing something for yourself and only offer to help or accept requests for help if you genuinely have the time. Your post made me so angry that you are not being given the respect you deserve. You sound like a wonderful grandma, its just a shame your son does not appreciate that.

Is it possible he was nervous and omitted you by error? Do you have a key to their place? I'd go round and check his laptop/computer for his draft speech (bit underhand I know, but compared to what he has done...). If you are in there, you can be much more gentle with him when you talk to him about it when he gets back. If you are not in the draft speech, print out a copy so you can call him out if he says he was sure you were thanked when you have your chat about it.

🙄

Do NOT do this.

That is the weirdest advice ever.

This is a reflection of him not you. If he didn’t see a problem with his speech I wouldn’t bother raising the matter. Do what makes you happy, make plans that suit you. If you can afford to spare some money to give him then do it. My dad’s wedding speech was all about my mum and he never mentioned me at all, I was fuming on the day. He thought it was great 😂. I didn’t mention anything as he’d had to move a mountain to get time away from his work. Don’t punish yourself or dwell any more on what happened. Your son sounds great, you have a great relationship with him and his family which is fantastic. Even if he’s a typical thoughtless son when it comes to ‘good old mum’.

If your son was a sibling or cousin or any member of my family, I can guarantee he would have been told more than once by now if his heartless error. Hopefully it’s the same for you, as this really needs to be raised to him. How do you get on with your new daughter in law, could she have had a hand in what was included in his speech?

Your son is either a malicious person or is socially gauche.

Sorry but your son deserves a bloody great kick in the arse. All of the background just makes his careless disregard all the worse. I know you aren't going to want to see less of your grandchild but they are seriously taking the piss.

I hope you can sit down with him and put a few things straight. Even if you have over-compensated for what you thought was lacking in your life, it's clear that you've been more than loving and caring, and so much of a better parent than many others have had.

It's heartbreaking. Hugs x

What? You’d go uninvited into someone’s house and somehow crack the password if they have one and access someone’s computer without their permission? 🤦‍♀️

I have two sons and they’re fantastic. That’s a horrible thing to say.

I really feel for you. You have given so much and willingly, with love. Be not being thanked, not being acknowledged is like a kick in the teeth. The big red flag for me csme when I resd about your missing the hen night. What a cheek!
Sadly I think he's behaving towards you like a spoiled brat. All you do, is give while he takes. He's an adult and you are not the genie of the lamp.
So yes, quietly have a word. Explain how you were astonished and hurt by his lack of appreciation.
How will he act, defensive, hurt, surprised or contrite?

And from now on, remember he is an adult. You are not his slave. No more giving up your life to make his easier every time he snaps his fingers.
When you want to, when you can, yes. But on your terms now, not his. He won't change, but you can.

That's bloody ridiculous! Wise up!

How Hurtful, you sound lovely too.You must raise this with him.He seems oblivious to your feelings and you were treated like a doormat.He will continue with his lousy behaviour and there will be other painful experiences unless you stop him in his tracks.Its made me feel so sad reading this, I’m so sorry you were treated so poorly.

I think you really need to tell him. He's taking you for granted, and needs to recognise all you do & have done. He needs to show gratitude & respect. If you don't gently discuss this with him, he will continue to take you for granted and not respect you as a valuable human being. This is a growth opportunity for him, and for you and your relationship.

I have a son and he's a young adult. I truly hope things don't turn out like this for our family, but who knows.

It's pretty extreme comment but I can understand why you are saying it. You've been hurt beyond belief. I hope @Muminkent123 that you have other children who cherish you x

It’s not about you?

I think this OP post was one of the saddest things I have ever read. My heart goes out to you, mostly because whatever you decide to do (and the suggestions have been many and varied), you can’t change the past. OP, it sounds as though the sudden departure of your husband after so many years, together with his cruel verbal abuse of you, has left you in a very low place. Clearly, your son and his family cannot be depended upon to help fill the vacuum or to support you in your grief. Yes, your son must be made aware of the magnitude of his omission, but (as others have already said) you might not be in the best place to do this yourself. I send you every good wish and hope for the future; there is light at the end of the tunnel, believe me.

Please can you come be my mama? I have a delightful 6 year old son who sees very little of his paternal grandparents, who can't cope with the cognitive dissonance their son's domestic abuse of me has manifested for them. Before she had a life-changing series of strokes which precipitated vascular dementia, my mother was an abusive histrionic narcissist. My father, who I hadn't spoken to in over 30 years, because he had abused me since infancy, died in February. I would absolutely treasure a parent like you amd so would my son. Your son is very lucky to have you but lacks the wit to know it. Perhaps you need to deprive him of your unwavering support for a while and see if he has a lightbulb moment. I do hope so. Stay strong x

Your story could be my story, not a wedding, but something else. I never mentioned it either; I knew he'd hurt as bad as me if he realized what he'd done. He just didn't think. I won't say "let it go" because I know you won't be able to completely. No matter how long you live, there'll be moments when something brings it to mind, and for that moment, you'll feel the ache all over again. But, once again, it'll pass until the next time. It might be years.

The best you can do is tell yourself "men can be such dopes" and forgive him. He's your son. If you're pretty sure your son loves you, let that be enough.

OP: You're being way too nice IMO. I would sit and have a chat with my son, just tell him what you wrote down here (albeit a much more polite and short version), do not sweep in under the rug.