Thread 49 - Covid GCSE Cohort - The nights are drawing in...

[OrangeSpicedBun]

Autumn 🍂 well and truly underway, has been chilly this week !

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread :

www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4880640-thread-48-covid-gcse-cohort-summer-before-year-2-uni?latest=1

Hello. I’m a bit behind with the thread as everything seems crazy at the moment.

DD is coming home from uni this week, although she keeps changing her mind as to when. First it was Saturday, then Sunday, now it might be Thursday. Fortunately she’s got a car, so we don’t need to drive to Cornwall to pick her up (it’s a 600 mile round trip).

Meanwhile there is all of term stuff going on for DS (who is in Y13). Plus UCAS offers (he’s got 4 so far: Loughborough, Leeds, Newcastle and Cardiff - just waiting to hear from Reading). I can’t believe we’re doing that bit again already!

Thanks @EerilyDecorated I will ask him if it's in his NHS app. I know the GP said it was a formal diagnosis.

That is a curveball for your DS, how does he feel about it all?

He's up for it, he knows its a bit outside his comfort zone but the charity look after you and pay travel expenses etc if he goes all the way with it (they select the several people who are closest matches and do more detailed blood and health checks to finalise a choice of donor). Next step is blood tests. Annoyingly he couldn't get an appt at his GP till next week and he is coming home Friday for the holidays but as it happens I had booked the day off to use up holiday so I will run him back up there and be there for any nerves/admin issues.

Good for him @EerilyDecorated , it could make a massive difference to someone.

At your advice, I have submitted the DSA application and told DS to phone the GP and see if they will fill out the form or whether he needs to make another appointment. He has promised to do that today so that may possibly start the process before the holidays. He is not having a good few days though so who knows.

Such a brave thing to do @EerilyDecorated !

Brave ds @EerilyDecorated.
Well done @286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen on being so proactive and getting it submitted. Gold star 🌟 for you. (Non patronising )

Ds1 has gone to Nottingham for the week to see friends, and he has to hand in his PwC laptop and phone to the uni on Friday, so made sense.

I'm off to church now for orchestra and carols. I've been so ill and bad back and down about work that I haven't even hit my Christmas decs out of the loft yet, I need to get a shifty on!

Thanks @Oblomov23 i’ll take any praise at the moment 😊

Good for him ED, I hope the process is smooth for him. DD has been on the Anthony Nolan register for years to help on the lack of mixed race donors but no call up for match yet.

But in other news, drum roll after 4 bloody long years, she’s finally got her Irish citizenship approved! I hope she gets to apply and receive her passport before the year abroad paperwork commences…

Hi everyone sorry I have been awol, it is a madly busy time of year for me as I am sure it is for everyone.
I was so delighted to get DS2 home this weekend, first time I have seen him since dropping him at uni in Devon in mid September. He is lovely and happy and in great form. Also had DS1 back for one night only as he has rather eccentrically gone to Albania for a pre Christmas driving holiday with a mate. DD2 has driving test # 3 next week so we are doing a LOT of roundabouts in anticipation, and it looks like DD1 finally exchanges contracts on her London flat on Friday so that is incredibly exciting. All pretty action packed.
Really forward to stopping work for 11 days in the middle of next week. I don’t feel ready for Christmas - tree is in but not decorated, house a tip etc BUT I have a skip being delivered tomorrow and I plan to do a ruthless cull while everyone else in the family is not looking. Hoorah.
right will go back and read what I have missed in the last few weeks.

Oooh good news about the Irish citizenship @ealingwestmum , I welcome her to the green passport club (ok, burgundy, but they are green in their soul)

Hey @ealingwestmum congrats. Ds1 requested us sorting his Irish ☘️ passport as his Christmas present. We'll do his and do Ds2's aswell.

Thanks Delphi, and fingers crossed 3rd time super lucky for your DD next week!

Yes makes absolute sense to get both of them done at the same time Oblomov. How lucky they are to get some potential future freedom of movement vs those of us Brexit-only club :(

@286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen thats amazing that your DS has done that, I will encourage DS1 to register.

@ealingwestmum I applied to have my boys put on the register of foreign births in December 2019 and it took 2.5 years to go through due to covid. I’m assuming you applied at a similar time? What on earth took them so long. I haven’t actually got them the passports yet due to cost.

So much happening to everyone. @icanbewhatiwant , tough times for you , sending love💐
Well we’ve got her through the first term of the second attempt at Uni. It hasn’t been easy. Weirdly, I think my lack of enthusiasm for this course has helped, she’s been determined to prove me wrong. But she’s had to be talked through every piece of work, and several panic attacks. The formula worked for those. Her flatmate has continued to be appalling, ie, noisy all night, uses all her stuff, steals her food, never cleans and has constant drama. But it can’t be all bad because she finished last Friday and isn’t coming home till this Friday. She asked for a lift to Peterborough on Saturday to sort her passport, but we said that it was a very simple journey by train. Just got to get her more independent whilst still helping her feel secure and loved.
I don’t know when Christmas will begin here. She won’t let me start without her, but we have people coming to lunch on Sunday, and I wanted it done by then.

It was a whole catalogue of errors JustHere. Shut down due to covid, original app as a minor, post covid then stating they’d continue to process the original app number, 12 months later reneging and instruction to resubmit docs due to no signature from DD (because she had been a minor), new photos blah blah. Each time a process foul came up, they put her to the back of queue.

I hope retaining an EU identity is worth it because it really was painful!

Well done on getting the DSA started @286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen , hope it all goes smoothly.

Congrats on the EU identity process @ealingwestmum , I wish we had that avenue to explore but we are all 100% British and born here.

Good to hear from you @Zebracat ,well done to her on getting through the first term, flatmate sounds like a PITA. Breather now for the holidays. That independence vs supported thing can be a tricky balance.

I'm currently stuck in Birmingham thanks to a cancelled train (ironically stranded in Nottingham due to flooding) so what better way to waste an hour than coming on here.

DS is limping to the end of term. He isn't eating or sleeping at night. (Sleeps all day though) He hasn't attended uni for a couple of weeks but won't let me collect him because he really wants to try and do it. He's got so much to catch up on over Christmas, plus assignments and exams. I really wish he'd consider taking a break and restarting year 2 but he's adamant he can do it. He actually attended his counselling yesterday. He said it was useless because the counsellor didn't give him any answers but then spent 45 minutes telling me what he'd learnt about himself. I take that as good counselling. He feels he isn't accountable to anyone at uni so he doesn't feel motivated. At school there was always a teacher he really respected and wanted to please. He really needs to sort out his DSA mentor to fill this gap.
Anyway, I'm picking him up on Saturday and can't wait to give him a hug.
DD is drinking her way to the end of term. She's loving uni life, just finishing her last assignment of the term and getting the train home next Tuesday. She calls me daily which is lovely - I don't feel like I've had a chance to miss her.

@mummyinbeds hope you get out of Birmingham soon! Your two sound very like mine (except ds eats and goes to the gym!). Dd is constantly talking to me one way or another, there's no chance of missing her! The weird thing was, people asked me if I missed her when she went last year and quite apart from hearing from her all the time, I was actually quite used to not seeing her, as she was always off out on the train to visit a friend/sleeping over somewhere/just generally socialising. So nothing much changed!

Sounds like your ds is showing perseverance and stamina despite his struggles - and that the counselling is more helpful than he realises! Ds is also massively behind (hasn't been to lessons in two of his A Level subjects for 3 or 4 weeks as he wanted to focus on his Criminology assessment next week, which counts). He's not even caught up with Criminology and now he's in bed with flu - hasn't been up since Sunday! It all feels so overwhelming to me as he's so behind, but he's incredibly laid back about it. In other parts of his life he's very productive though - he works 15-20 hours at Tesco each week and does loads of hours at the gym. But his sleeping is awful, which makes school difficult. Has your ds got an ADHD diagnosis? DS was saying to me earlier that he realises he can't operate without external structure - which has been totally lacking from school. I can totally imagine him ending up like your ds if he went to uni.

Good progress @Zebracat although it sounds like very hard work! I had a good feeling about BCU for her; I hope she can continue and eventually become more independent.

@crazycrofter I managed to leave Brum thank you. Now stuck in Cardiff having missed my rescheduled connection 🤦

DS doesn't have an ADHD diagnosis but I'm more and more convinced he has it. He's a little bit obsessed with having it and pumping all his energy into ADHD research. He should be doing a psychology degree! Strangely he didn't display any problems through school, until year 13. Never missed a lesson, 100% attendance, homework all done on time. But like your DS says, he had structure. He was also very laid back when I was stressing that he did no revision for his A levels. He was less laid back on results day and then shocked/relieved to find out he'd actually done well.

DD has been keeping me entertained on my marathon journey with tales of her creepy housemate and his obsession with turning the heating off and opening the windows, and her plans for this evening.

I'm in Cardiff too @mummyinbeds. But the train's just leaving 😊
Gosh, everyone has got a lot going on at the moment. There are some great tales of perseverence, from both students & parents.

I'm back on move again now. Is that you sat next to me on the train @Cantonet 🤣🤣

@mummyinbeds and @crazycrofter i think the lack of structure is a big thing for DS too. It’s hard for them to adjust to.

Sorry to hear of ongoing woes @mummyinbeds, i can understand you wanting him to pause and have a break. A big part of me wishes that I could bring DS home and keep him here but in reality he will have used two years of uni funding so if he ever then wanted to go back it would mean a year of paying in full which is obviously very expensive, probably £25k. Whilst we could potentially find that it wouldn’t be without significant impact to us.

In good news I spoke to his GP receptionist about the process of getting the DSA form filled in and she texted him the email adresss to send it to. And he has actually sent it off (I did have to bribe him with beer money though!).

Catching up a bit here! It's (as usual) a busy end of term for me, but we break up tomorrow, then it's the staff party, and then up to Scotland for a week with the in-laws. In the meantime, DD gets home at tea-time today on the train (and will walk to my school for a lift home). She has handed in all her assignments and, happily, had a day-trip to a nearby town with a friend to go fabric shopping (which is her idea of heaven).

Here's one of her recent pieces; the letters are dog sounds and rain sounds in a few languages.

@PhotoDad
I absolutely love Foxy. ❤️

Sorry to hear of those behind in work, struggling, and Mummy is hopefully finally home. Her dd makes me laugh.

@Oblomov23 I can get behind that !

@Zebracat Long may the little steps continue in the right direction. You are such a fantastic support to her.