Thread 49 - Covid GCSE Cohort - The nights are drawing in...

[OrangeSpicedBun]

Autumn 🍂 well and truly underway, has been chilly this week !

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread :

www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4880640-thread-48-covid-gcse-cohort-summer-before-year-2-uni?latest=1

@crazycrofter if there are no teachers, what is the point of going in? I think I would go in with a counter-attack; if you are unable to teach him, what is the proposed strategy from the school? Can they offer anything better than he can do for himself?! You must be more cross than you sound about having no teacher for 2/3 subjects.

@Alsoplayspiccolo I hope and expect that manipulative girl has learned an important lesson, and that she is young enough to take it on board and change. Parents in denial is not a good sign though.

Well that’s true @JustHereWithMyPumpkin @Monkey2001 I’m kind of past the anger about that now! There is a new teacher (supposedly for both these subjects) starting in Jan. The thing is now that spending so much time at home has shown ds that it’s actually better for him. He often finds that lessons move too quickly for him and when they’re asked to do written work he gets too distracted. One of the sociology teachers has been back this week though, so there’s actually a few more lessons to (not) go in for.

They expect him to be in for his silent study periods too, even though he absolutely can’t work at school as it’s not silent. Maybe I’ll explain how the lack of teachers has highlighted his general struggles with the school environment. In another life I would have home edded him all the way through (he did spend years 5 and 6 at home)

@crazycrofter I'm really horrified & appalled on your & your ds's behalf too. How can anyone study two subjects by themselves, without teachers. Whether or not they have ADHD. Especially at A level standard. I also can't see any point in going into school just for the sake of it, unless it's for the social aspect.
Regarding the Xmas jobs I've told him it's too late now. He only applied to the Boots one as the advert was still up & they stated that when they found suitable applicants the advert would be taken down. It's good practice for him applying though 😁 The more he does it the easier it will get.

@JustHereWithMyPumpkin we did eventually find some short acting pills.
But I'm not convinced he will remember to take them at lunchtime & 4 pm every day. And the school kick up such a fuss if I tell them this as they will insist he leaves the pills at the medical centre. This means he will have to go there several times a day. And the nurses there are mostly crap & incompetent.
Plus the pills are highly addictive ,can be sold on the black market drugs. Hence I'm not at all happy my kids have to temporarily take them at all.

Goodness, what a lot of good 'rock and roll' news, and bad : throats, adhd drugs not available, and the parents denial of bully's involvement is shocking.
Love to All. ❤️

I agree @icanbewhatiwant I'm so sorry.

DS has gone back to Notts today, I can tell he's feeling better as he spent most of yesterday being a pain in the butt. I'm just hoping he remembers to take his ABs now there is no-one to remind him..

Glad he's feeling better @JustHereWithMyPumpkin

Must be a huge relief JustHere to see him bounce back so quickly post correct meds to help recovery

It is a relief (back chatting and all!), his throat is still sore and he's still taking pain killers but he can talk and eat now and feels so much better in himself. I'm praying that's the last of the nasty bugs this winter but somehow I doubt it.

Glad Pumpkin.

Ds1 has been home for a week. I thought he was going to Notts but he's not had time, been working very long days, staring at laptop constantly for PwC. One more week of that then he's done. He's off into London now, with his tux, hotel paid for, for PwC Christmas party. (Quite jealous).

It's been nice having him home. Apart from the massive arguing with ds2, mostly form ds 2 over x-box, that I eventually lost my shizz at and told both of them that I wasn't prepared to put up with this any longer and the DS1 really would have to get lost to Notts if he carried on.

Family Christmas party this weekend. (Dh's family is huge. My 2 have 12 cousins, who have gone on to have 14 children, so 14 second cousins?). 26 in total.

Blimey Ob, entertaining for that size crew sounds exciting and scary in equal measures! I do miss a large Xmas gathering though, only 5 of us this year, we see the Americans every 2nd year, but not sure if my mum’s up to travelling to California anymore.

Yes, Ealing it's big, not everyone ever comes, but my sil caters for 30-40 without a black-forest-gateaux / backwards glance.

Sorry, have missed quite a lot as concentrating on DS.

@icanbewhatiwant So Sorry to hear about your DH, sending strength to you.
@JustHereWithMyPumpkin Glad to hear your DS is feeling better, what a great mum you are.
@Alsoplayspiccolo Glad your DS has got on well with the auditions. Sorry to hear about the awfulness of the girl's behaviour and her parents strange attitude to it.
@Oblomov23 I hope work is showing some improvement?
@crazycrofter What a nightmare with no teachers yet being expected to be in.
@Cantonet Sorry to hear about the medication woes, that must be stressful.

DS hasn't heard anything or had any contact with student support or wellbeing services since his meeting a couple of weeks ago. He has an appointment booked with the disability service on 15th Jan who should hopefully be able to offer something. He has now been to the GP and has a depression diagnosis, which should hopefully open up doors to some support. He said the GP was lovely and understanding, didn't try to rush him. He was offered anti-depressants but said he didn't want to take them yet. The GP said he could go back at any time and get a prescription or even just go back for a check-up. The GP actually suggested booking another appointment on the way out but DS didn't as it only took him a week to get this one. He is a bit relieved that he has a label, that it's a chemical imbalance and not just "him".

DH went to see him overnight on Wednesday and said that he seems in a bit of a better place but recognises his moods are very up and down so may just have caught him on a good day. We have been talking every few days over the last 10 days or so and texting daily although DS just ignores anything he doesn't like over text! He has now been going to some lectures though which is very positive. Not all by any means but some.

DH and I have said we think he should email wellbeing services and his tutor with his diagnosis (which only came yesterday) as then at least they may be forced to step up a bit. He said he would consider it, but didn't sound keen.

So, I am not sure but I suspect that when he gets to disability services in January, they will want him to apply for DSA to pay for mentoring / coaching sessions. For those who know anything about DSA, can we apply mid year and what does DS need to provide. When he asked the doctor "is that a diagnosis I can take to disability services" the GP said yes but he doesn't have anything written.

I was going to ask an anonymous question on WIWIKAU facebook page about DSA and claiming mid-year etc but it won't let me post anonymously and he wouldn't want me posting in my real name, so I haven't done so. Also does anyone know would a new depression diagnosis be classed as enough for DSA, especially if he isn't on medication?

@286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen sorry to hear of the diagnosis but good that your DS has been to the GP. Yes your DS can apply for DSA for depression but would need to provide evidence of how it affects him from the GP. There is a form on the DSA website that he can get them to fill in so would suggest making another appointment and taking it with him and they will probably ask him what to put on it (the GP may also charge for this). Next step would be to apply via SFE with the GP letter, when accepted book a DSA assessment (usually online). It’s good that he has an appointment with disability services.
The other thing I would recommend is finding your local mental health services as you can usually self refer for taking therapy/workshops etc (very postcode lottery) https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-NHS-talking-therapies-service/
Having had a DD who was diagnosed with depression in June all I would say is be very aware that that DD didn’t share how bad she was feeling, with her I ended up calling the mental health crisis team when I realised the full extent of how bad she was. I went with her when speaking with the GP and going to student services with her aswell. I’m not trying to scare you but young people can be in a very dark place and still maintain that they are fine and say all the right things.

Thanks @PaddingtonPaddington. We have access to counselling and mental health support through my professional body and also through our health insurance but he has declined that so far. He is unfortunately about 3.5-4 hours away so we can’t really go to appointments with him. I also think that might inhibit him.

I fully get your warning about how bad they can be and how they mask. I don’t think he’s really bad but will be aware.

thanks for the heads up about the DSA form, I’ll look out for it. I assume the uni are obliged to give support until it comes through?

I don’t know anything about claiming DSA @286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen but I so pleased to hear about your DS’s experience in talking with his GP and hope that he is on the path to improving his MH. I would take onboard @PaddingtonPaddington comments of course, our young people are prone to keeping things to themselves for too long.

@286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen re.DSA, DS got a form off the uni wellbeing website for the GP to complete. There was no charge but it was the campus GP so they're used to the form and didn't actually write more than one sentence saying he had depression affecting his ability to study effectively. It was enough for DSA to make an appointment to speak to DS and assess his needs. This appointment was about an hour long and really good (I sat out of sight of the camera at DS's request) DSA then provided tech and software and access to a mentor (which annoyingly DS has totally failed to keep appointments with - that's why he needs a mentor) Totally separately, the Uni disability advisor has spoken to him a few times and helped him apply for support arrangements (extra time, separate exam room etc etc and once DSA was in place, half price gym membership) and arranged counselling at no cost to DS. Obviously, he missed his first session last week but has rearranged for this week.
It's so complicated to work out how to get started on all this but it does fall in to place eventually.

There is a bit of admin to do with the DSA, once they have agreed computers, software etc if needed the student is then supposed to order it all and there is a contribution to pay if they get a laptop. Or with mentoring/counselling, which I guess is probably more likely than equipment for mental health conditions they have to organise the sessions. DS struggled with this at first, we assumed they’d be in a fixed timeslot every week but in fact he has to book the next one in after each session and he struggled both with finding suitable times and remembering to attend (his are all remote). He got the hang of it all after about a term (this is one of the reasons he needs it, his organisation skills are lacking). It is a breeze compared to getting support in earlier education though.

Thanks @JustHereWithMyPumpkin , @mummyinbeds and @EerilyDecorated

What he says he wants is someone to talk to on a regular basis and to keep an eye on him, a coach/mentor type person. He won’t need any equipment I’m pretty sure.

I am not sure about whether to try and start the DSA process or wait until his meeting with disability services in January. Nobody has mentioned it to him so far. He does at least have a campus GP who should be used to these forms. I would assume that the uni would be obliged to offer him some support after that meeting even if DSA is not yet in place. We are fortunate in that we could pay if required in the meantime.

I think I have at least persuaded him to email his tutor and tell him about the diagnosis and that he is seeing disability support in January. I advised him to do it today before he has a group meeting with his tutor on Wednesday. Has not yet had a meeting with less than 8-10 of them, not sure who would speak up in that environment?. I’d like to hope with an email in advance the tutor may ask to have a five min chat at the end….

I just can’t wait to have him back in a week’s time. Although he has exams as soon as he goes back so it’ll be a mixed bag of trying to catch up with some work and relaxing. Let’s hope he/we can get the balance right. That’s part of the reason I want him to highlight his diagnosis to his tutor now.

Thanks again.

@286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen Hopefully the tutor will make time. I can understand why you want him home.

@Oblomov23 I hope you are seeing early signs of professional behaviour from your manager.

I picked up DS on Saturday. The driving conditions were vile. He has been catching up on sleep as last week seemed to be a Christmas social whirl.

@286NeuerNahhhhhhhhmen honestly, I know it's tempting to leave the DSA for now, I always feel the same when it comes to reaching out for help for DS but it is better to just bite the bullet and do it if you have got some sort of diagnosis. Student finance will get back to you / DS quickly if they need more evidence eg GP letter.

Thanks @EerilyDecorated. Does he not automatically need a GP letter then? I sort of assumed he would need a letter and as it’s the campus GP that may not be possible until he goes back. Will look into it properly now then, thanks.

He may well do, but if he has the depression diagnosis in writing (eg on his NHS app) that might suffice. It does need some sort of diagnosis or letter by a medical professional. The application has a space for documentary evidence to be attached.

Life has thrown a bit of a curve ball at DS. In Freshers week he signed up to go on a stem cell donation register and thought no more of it (same here, having signed up about 10 years ago). He has had a call to say he's been identified as a possible match which has led to a flurry of activity which I'm having to help with because of his SNs. Plus he still has an exam this week.