Thread 48- Covid GCSE Cohort - Summer before Year 2 Uni

[Oblomov23]

Summer ending. Year 2 for many at Uni about to start.

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
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@Piggywaspushed Just popped onto thread to catch up. Sorry to hear of your boy's troubles.
I think you're probably right though that these 'so-called' friends are basically nice, but have overstepped the banter line. Unfortunately, this happens often in boarding schools. It's part of what people describe as over confidence of private school students, constant ribbing and one-upmanship, jokes at someone elses expense to avoid attention on oneself.
If it isn't nipped in the bud by parents or Housemasters, they grow hardened to it or it explodes into an incident as you've experienced. I genuinely believe that the ones who get through it don't realise that it's harsh and just seen as a valid form of friendship communication.
Hopefully this incident has brought it home to his housemates that this sort of behaviour is not always innocent banter but can be hurtful with real consequences.

@Piggywaspushed Glad to hear he is holding up. Would he consider private student accommodation and would that alleviate some of the stress he is thinking of in terms of moving to a new flat? i think the dynamics in Priv. stu.acc can be less fraught? and how are you holding up? please be kind to yourself just take it one step at a time.

A week off sounds like a good plan and opportunity to explore other accommodation options.

Bit left field but have you ever watched Big Bang Theory? I got DS on to it when I wanted him to know there would be friendship groups for all types not just the 'cool kids'.

I think @Takeittotheboss might be right too, that his housemates are used to an environment of 'banter' and put downs. Did they go to boys schools? My ds went to a boys grammar, after being home educated, and it was a bit of a shock at first. He did get quite upset at the banter and took it personally, until he got used to it (but appreciate this was 11/12 year olds, so totally different!). Moving to a mixed comp for sixth form was another adjustment and he had to get used to the fact that there were certain things he couldn't say or he would upset people.

But you'd have thought by 19/20 they would have learned a bit more emotional intelligence. Can you try to convince ds that it's just a cultural thing and not personal (even if it crossed the boundaries), because it sounds like it's really dented his confidence? It may well be that they're just unpleasant people, but you don't want him viewing himself as weird and unlikeable 😥

They all went to public school and some boarded but the schools were co ed.

DS does indeed watch BBT!

I don't think he wants the stress of changing accommodation. The time will come soon for planning for next year, and I am guessing that will be another pinch point.

@Piggywaspushed although I mentioned boarding school, I don't think it's the only school environment it can evolve in, both boys and co-ed, but usually only males. Girls have their own vices.🤔. I see it as one form of response to a highly pressurised teenage situation with all that entails.
Sometimes as in this case, they can take a time to grow out of it, especially if it has been internalised as an optimal behaviour pattern.
This type of behaviour is all about the self-confidence of the person(s) indulging in the 'banter' and they are usually blindly unaware of the effects on the other person. Maybe this incident will help his housemates re-assess their behaviour and grow up! Let's hope so.

Just thinking of you Piggy. ❤️

Also thinking of you @Piggywaspushed

what gets to me is your poor DS thinking he’s “weird” or different.
there are people out there for him and I really hope he’s able to find some soon.
i know these boys are adults too but i guess some really do grow up quicker than others

Thank you.

I'm absolutely shattered now. Been off work today but will have to go in tomorrow. May fall asleep on my desk...

Oh @Piggywaspushed, not surprised you are shattered. Look after yourself as well as DS

Glad you’ve had a day off work. Parenting doesn’t really get easier does it? 😬 Hope ds can catch up on his sleep too and find a better perspective on the situation.

Piggy I’m so sorry I’ve been MIA, I’ve spent 4 days glued to my chair writing over THIRTY TWO THOUSAND WORDS and I literally have barely peed. My steps count is about 30 a day. I’ve just caught up on the thread and I really hope that your DS is recovering. I still think the flatmates sound like thoughtless tossers but they are probably rather shocked with what they have caused, so I hope are being thoughtful. If he does go back I am hopeful it will be into a more respectful and accepting environment, but only he can assess the likelihood of that. If he is looking for a move of house do you want me to ask DS if he knows of anywhere? He is back in Selly for his 4th year living with a load of third years he doesn’t know but his natural pessimism has been stymied by the fact they are all nice and normal and cook supper for each other on a rota every night. Anyway I hope you have a good sleep and know we are thinking of you. X

I don't know if anyone watches Married at First Sight, but our window cleaner is on it tonight.... ! He'd told us he was doing a reality show but wasn't allowed to say which until today. He is the nicest guy ever, but not sure what will come across in the programme.

@Piggywaspushed so sorry to hear about your DS. It isn’t banter if it’s causing your DS such upset, it’s bullying. Hopefully he will want to go back and those ‘mates’ have learned their lesson. I hope he doesn’t go around thinking he’s weird, as I tell my DS2 (who says he is geeky) we are all a little bit weird. Hugs to you.

Geeks and nerds of the world unite. We are the interesting and intelligent ones who Get Shit Done.

Interesting @craggyrat, particularly how he comes across on tv compared to real life. I am trying not to watch this series but may get sucked in...
When was it filmed out of interest?

When DS went back for a brief visit a few weeks ago he found out that one of his housemates had to do resits and she was nervous about the results as they didn't go well. Well results were last Thursday and she failed the resits so is also having to re-do this year. Different engineering course but some shared lectures.

Whilst I genuinely feel really bad for her, and especially only finding out last Thursday, if I'm honest there is a bit of me that is relieved that he has someone else going through it with him. And also a friend who won't be disappearing on placement next year.

That is good news @285NeuerNamen (while not wishing it on her obvs). It's good for her too that she has your DS.

@285NeuerNamen - it was filmed about April or May. He was away for 10 weeks.

Am back at work now pre radiotherapy and not loving it!

@singingstones Yes, I asked how she was, obviously shocked but he said she didn't feel so bad about it as there was comfort DS is in the same boat so she's not alone.

@craggyrat so you don't know what happened then?!
Sorry you're not enjoying work.

@craggyrat That's interesting about your window cleaner. I always wonder about the people who go on such shows as in, surely they can't be serious? but he obviously is. I stumbled on a similar show and binged the whole 8 episodes 'My mum, your dad'. About adult children stepping in to find love for their parents. It was surprisingly very enjoyable, it's like 'Love Island' but without the smut.

@285NeuerNamen Wishing your DS good luck for his resit year.

Aagh lost first reply. Yes he is a bodybuilder and used to dive with my DS years ago. He has cared for both his parents for several years - both been v poorly at quite a young age. His dad used to be our window cleaner so son had to take over business.

Well, he's got a heart and muscles! that must stand him in good stead for love. Wishing him all the best. Please let's know how it goes at the end.

Will do @Shimy . I haven't noticed him with a wife! He said it was fun but he is such a quiet guy I can't believe he has done this! I guess he's making the most of those looks when young !

I’m watching MAFS, craggyrat, so I’ll look out for him!

It appears we’re off to Newcastle this weekend (driving DS up so he can go to the open day on Saturday). A mere 200 miles away. I suppose that’s quite local considering DD is 300 miles away!