In what circumstances would you tell your adult offspring she can't come home for a holiday

[fenestras]

What's your limit ? I've just found mine...

If she was filming at your house as it sounds like since you were locking up, yeah, there would need to be some time apart to get space before rehashing out basic boundaries that she should know as basic decency. Your body your choice doesn't apply to doing whatever you want with it in the public spaces of someone else's house. Or even when you have guests over if it was her place and you were for some reason locking up, it all sounds a mess.

As for what I'd do, it's hard to say now, but yeah, breaking basic boundaries in would mean we'd have to change any plans until we could have a serious talk about it.

I’d probably have to be dead, so it’d be from beyond the grave.

Pretty self explanatory really. Dh is a married man and watching other woman masturbate etc is somewhat disloyal. Your daughter getting naked for people online has zero effect on you and is frankly none of your business. It's a false equivalence. There's lots of things I wouldn't care about my daughter doing but would care about my husband doing, hence that example did not work.

Well I certainly wouldn’t like them being on that but it wouldn’t cross my mind to ban them from the house because of it. Only a serious, unsavoury crime would do that but then they be in jail for a long time anyway.

I would be extremely disappointed if my DD was making making money that way. I would not ban her from home but would make it clear that filming in the house is not on,

The only circumstance in which I would refuse my adult child a visit is if I had an infectious disease.

I wouldn't react the way you have OP to what your dd is doing. I wouldn't punish or reject her or try to make her stop doing it, though I would want to have a pretty serious conversation about the ramifications.

MN Rule
our DD posting porn on only fans = OK
Your DH watching porn on only fans = LTB

I see double standards are alive and well on here. No doubt someone will come along and say how "empowering" it is.

You can’t tell adult how to live their life, but you can disagree with their actions and values, and you can request that they aren’t carried out under your roof.

This ^^
I would worry that the reason she was doing this was that she was struggling financially.

People are dropping out of education and ditching their careers to do this instead.

I know someone who did this. There was an article in the local paper about her. Apparently her videos were pretty explicit.

i wouldnt stop her coming home, that is ridiculous. you are ridiculous

i would be very worried and concerned
why on earth do you think you should ban her?
she needs your support.

You've got that right!

She’s making her own money… via sex work. Who the hell is okay with this?!

@FoodFann
i would not ban her from the house,

i guess if she was on drugs and stealing that might persuade a ban

Well I think that's reasonable as if you're married using OF and tipping and interacting with these ladies in a flirty way could be seen as cheating (some, but not many, couples would be ok with it though).

If op's dd is in a relationship and not telling her dp about it then it could also be seen that she is cheating, but if she's single or has a dp who is ok with going out with a sex worker (plenty of liberal/open minded men would be) then she's not betraying or hurting anyone surely?

I also think of you really disagree with her line of work then 'you're banned from my home' won't make her think 'wow I should really reflect on my behaviour, I now realize it was wrong I should mend my slaggy ways and become an accountant'
It will probably make her think 'my mum is judgmental and cares more about what people think than supporting me, I feel unloved, even more reason to protect myself and my income. I'll remember this when we're researching care homes for her- wonder if she'll think she's too good for my money then'

She's taken a weeks break off work and I have a house in the countryside. She was pissed off her head on vodka - very apologetic this morning. She also apparently FaceTimed her boyfriend who is also understandably pissed off. She was rude, aggressive, drunk and stark naked in the garden. All of you saying your dd would never do this - I'd have said the same. I wasn't talking about kicking her out - I was talking about boundaries being breeched. Last night I hit one of my limits - or she did.

Oh, and she was masturbating on camera. Does this count as porn or just titillation.

NB The Daily Mail can fuck right off here if it uses this as content fodder. I expressly forbid this used elsewhere online or in print

Because she screamed at me 'it's only OF, nothing to get your knickers in a twist over,

Porn or not your updates are a massive drip feed.

Yes I thought that too. The masturbation part is important 🤷‍♀️

This is an interesting dilemma. I have a friend whose daughter posts provocative/swimwear shots, not pornographic but just so sad to see her as she's a lovely bright intelligent girl with a lot better things to offer the world than her bottom, but there we are.

I would say what I thought about OF as a life decision(bad), and ask her not to do that at my house. I can't imagine my girls thinking it was ok, it would be deeply disrespectful and if they did, I would think they were on drugs or very drunk. On their own time, in their own house, not mine to control.

I didn't come back last night to this. Not a drip feed so much as trying to process what happened and where to go from here

i dont know why you have gone into so much detail
talk about airing your dirty laundry.

You're right. Came on here as its anonymous as I was shocked - dumbstruck - and didn't want to tell anyone in rl for my dds sake. I hope some day when you turn to MN if your husband has an affair or the ilk no one accuses you of this.

I'm a (very) old timer - Mumsnets changed from somewhere you can do just that - air your dirty laundry anonymously and without it going any further, to a site where everything is pulled apart and picked apart for the helll of it. Drip fred - not enough info vs going into too much detail. Does no one ever stop to think for a minute that real people are behind these posts? One of the huge advantages of Mumsnet years ago was the meet ups. Made you realise everyone was a person, not just a poster ripe for shooting down.

apologies @fenestras
i have turned to mn in times of trouble,