In what circumstances would you tell your adult offspring she can't come home for a holiday

[fenestras]

What's your limit ? I've just found mine...

If they'd murdered my DH?

None.

Never

Never!

Do you want an ongoing relationship with your child? Or future grandchildren? Do you want your child to care for you when you're old?

I can’t imagine ever telling my adult dc that they couldn’t come back home. What circumstances have led you to this?

It'd depend on the circumstances. Off the top of my head I can't think of any, but if I generally thought she was taking the piss then it'd be a no tbh.

Why, what's your situation?

My house has burned down

You don't know the circumstances. I don't think we should let our adult children hold us hostage!

Personally, never ever.

But I'm guessing you have reasons. Would you care to share?

Why don't you tell us yours OP?

Easy to say never if you have a good relationship with your child. Some children do grow up to be horrible adults who treat their parents terribly time & time again

She's 27. Walked in on her camcording on OnlyFans. WTAF

I'm not saying she can never come home - just that I find this unacceptable

The adult children don't have to be terrible - there could just be reasons why it would be too much to ask at that moment: eg you've already arranged to have your sibling and their family visit from Australia - you haven't seen sibling for years, their flight is booked and there literally isn't space for both. In that case I'd give sibling priory over a child I see regularly who just fancies a visit.

I'd be pretty horrified if either of my DDs were on OF and I'd be very disappointed in them. That said, they are adults and can make their own life choices, however bad they may be. I wouldn't stop them coming home, but I'd be quite clear they were not allowed to record content under my roof.

Why did you walk in on her OP? Do you not knock on doors or afford her any privacy in your home?

It’s fine to find it unacceptable but she’s a 27 year old woman, not a child to punish. I was a cam girl at 19 while my parents were at work and wouldn’t like to think of my daughter doing it but it’s a choice made by an adult. Plus I was making £30 an hour

She was outside - I went to lock up. Not so much an invasion of privacy as not realising what I was seeing

Well, that's disappointing.
Does she know that you know?

I understand how you feel, but at the same time, I think when your kids are doing something that you disapprove off, you have to keep them closer than otherwise.

Can you have an open discussion with her about this? Is there anyone who she would listen to?

I would never tell her she couldn't come home.
But I would tell her a boundary that you don't want any videos being streamed at
Home you're not comfortable with it

She's 27. Might not be your choice but she's an adult who can do what she wants.

It's only a body. It's only sex.

She's not a rapist, a heroin addict, she's not cruel or sadistic, she's not a bad person. It's just a body!

I agree with a PP - there doesn't have to be a terrible reason. If she is an adult, she is not "coming home", rather she wants to come to someone else's house to sponge off them for a free/cheap holiday. If not convenient for the homeowner, then the answer is obviously "no". The reason given by the OP is irrelevant.

My plan is to retire to Italy (pretty fucked now because of Brexit but who knows) and I'd love all my kids go come see me regularly!

If I owned a holiday home or lived somewhere similar now, if hope they'd be over as much as possible!

Meh, she's making her own money. I'd raise an eyebrow but 🤷🏼‍♀️