In what circumstances would you tell your adult offspring she can't come home for a holiday

[fenestras]

What's your limit ? I've just found mine...

I would rent out her room and give her the money so she doesn't need to do that

I'd be thinking of ways to pull her back into the fold and protect her and help her - not banish and punish

Most of them are not doing it out of necessity.

They're doing it because it's now been glamourised online and shown as an easy way to make mega money. People are dropping out of education and ditching their careers to do this instead.

Oh any by the way look at the statistics. You have to be earning in the top 1% of "creators" to earn more than you would at a minimum wage job. And look what you've given up in return.

I'd never speak to any child of mine again if they did that.

If you can reject your child that easily I would imagine your daughter is better to have no contact with you - now

MN Rule.
Your DD having sex with her boyfriend = OK
Your DH having sex with her boyfriend = LTB.

False equivalence

id be annoyed she had to result to OF but honestly, some people making millions so id completely understand!!! my friends just gone a 2.8 million pound house from her OF money. She was on benefits before in a council house. im proud and happy for her.

I would be WAY more supportive of my child.

Wow.
i wouldn't be happy.
i would make sure she knew it and would not allow it in my house, but disown my child for it?
i think that says more about you.

I think the people who said 'none' in answer to the original question re very idealistic.
If you have another younger child at home who is being impacted by the behaviour of the adult child then you may need to choose between the needs/wants of the adult v the needs of the youngest.

😊😎👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

She has disrespected you. She is 27 so your home is not her home and she should have the decency to treat you with respect. I would be furious and would make it clear that it was never to happen again in your home but at the same time i wouldn't tell her she couldn't come back.

👍🏻

Yep, if they were actively involved in the production and promotion of pornography or prostitution. That would be a line in the sand for me too. Of course, as adults they have free agency but they wouldn't escape my contempt and judgment.

I'd be disappointed in her choices but I wouldn't cut her off for that, which is surely what will happen if you don't allow her to come "home"?

I can't really imagine anything, Whatever they've done I'd feel some responsibility to be there to support them to make it right. (And probably be blaming myself).

You don't like her money making choices? That's ok.

But imo you shouldn't ban her from her home

Exactly. They aren’t a comparable.

I know a close relative who did OF they’ve made quite a lot of money from it, it’s not my thing but each to their own, I didn’t disown the relationship but said be safe and stop if/when you want. It naturally petered out.

I would never disown my child for it, I’d want to make sure they were safe etc. but it’s her choice ultimately. It’s not about being the cool parent it’s about realising you have no control over an adult child’s choices.

I wouldn’t ban her from visiting - it isn’t her home anymore! But I would not allow OF filming whilst in my home.

There's really not enough information here. The term holiday implies it's not an emergency so they'd be numerous reasons....if they were rude, lazy, careless, didn't parent, entitled etc...basically if the visit would be very stressful and likely to lead to arguments (because of their unreasonable behaviour). If this was a recurring theme, I'd be even more adamant. The only situation I might possibly relent is if there are issues with MH/addiction then I'd try to support however if someone was on a downward spiral I wouldn't go with them. I'd also consider the feelings of others in the home. lt wouldn't make a difference if it was my child,parent, sibling or friend.
I'd also be considering there reaction when I declined. If they 'kicked off' and told me I was an awful person and didn't love them I'd likely be more resolute.
I'd imagine you do love this person,you just don't like them very much. Just how necessary is this holiday?

Tbh I would be more disappointed if it was my son on the other end of the video.

Of course you can “tell an adult how to live their own life” when it’s happening under your roof.

Your poor kids.

YABU, OP. What will not letting her come home for a holiday achieve? You can ask she doesn't do it when you might walk in on it and also have a chat about your concerns about safety etc., but barring her from the house is hardly a good solution or likely to promote a good relationship.

I'm struggling to understand the exact circumstances. Your daughter was working whilst in your home. It's not clear if she lives there or was visiting. Either/or I feel it's quite acceptable to say that her career choice is something you feel so strongly about that you don't want her doing it 'under your roof'. That's perfectly reasonable. I'll guess she was living with you (as it's an odd thing to do on a visit) and you've asked her to leave (because she's said she'll be continuing with OF). In these circumstances if she wanted to visit for a few days (a holiday) in the future the job wouldn't stop that...I would however stick to the 'not under my roof' rule.
This must have been a shock for you, and I'm sure you're disappointed and hurt too. Personally I think I could get passed it. I'd feel more let down if my daughter had been shoplifting, was dating a waster/bully, had kids took into care....or who was emigrating to Australia. Don't let this define your relationship going forward.

I'd go absolutely ape shit if my daughter was on OF and even more ape shit if she was filming in my house. I agree with others. Tell her she cannot do it in your home but she is still welcome.

I find the idea that a parent would ban their adult DC from their house because they didn't like what they were doing quite bizarre. I would be all over mine and trying to figure out why they felt the need to do it and find a way to support them out of it. Shutting them out seems a bit backwards.

Also a lot of people here clearly don't understand OF. It's not a cam site in the traditional sense and there are lots of different levels of explicitness. Someone I know does it and her stuff isn't totally nude, it's underwear shots and videos, no masturbating. Essentially people subscribe to access photos and videos; some people offer pornography others offer lesser explicit stuff - lewds, not nudes as they call it. So she may not have been 'wanking in the garden' or however someone put it.

Once you are no longer a child it is not your 'home'.

I find this bizarre concept of entitlement to their parents money/property/time etc... forever because they had the audacity to give you life pretty pathetic and the epitome of selfish. Parents do not owe you their every last thing forever, once they raised you stop being so demanding people.

My kids will always know I'm here for them (within logical reason, say if Ian Watkins from lostprophets was my DS then no he wouldn't be anymore but lets be honest most people don't grow up to be baby rapists). If their house burns down or they are ill etc... and need to come live with me while they get sorted then absoloutly fine and I would be helping them sort it. If they just want to visit to see us, bring the grand kids etc... great too. However I'm not having a 27 year old just come waltzing in my house like they own it, declaring it THEIR home and then dossing around for fun like its an all inclusive holiday that I should just 'owe' them.

Unless you mean holiday as in Christmas? we don't really do that here anyway, people stay in their nuclear unit unless they are a single 'loose end'. Then they can come if they want but I imagine by 27 my kid will have a life and better things to do than pull watch their aging parents inevitably take a special day nap after lunch. Its hardly exciting entertainment.