coping with empty nest syndrome, menopause with absent husband

[longpathtohappiness]

I feel totally on my own a lot of the time. DH is here but either at work, talking about work or sleeping!

I struggle to cope with it all sometimes and feel totally on my own

What would happen if you were to stop being busy, and just sat and explored what you are fighting not to feel?

It might be worth writing/journalling or seeking out a reputable therapist with experience with supporting through childhood trauma.

Otherwise whatever you do to improve will always be at the mercy of these feelings.

Wish I could give you a hug OP. You are worthy you need help to see the truth, feel and genuinely accept this.

Like many on this thread, I have yet to find meaningful purpose now that my children are grown up. I have hobbies but my focus and passion is, and will always be, my family.

I feel adrift, without a point to my existence.

I hope that I will find myself, if that makes sense. I don't feel depressed, just sad that my reason for being is over.

@longpathtohappiness here’s a hug, for you and others like us who feel lost. There’s a whole bloody army of us, surely, surely if we put our minds together we can come up with something?

Fostering, maybe? Volunteering? For that sense of purpose, I mean.

I told DD she can start having children soon 😂, I’m up for nappies and mess! 😂

I totally get this.

I do a lot of volunteering, especially in schools

Looking forward to the weather changing so j can nurture some plants!!

I’m feeling really really low. Irritable with everyone, sad, everything feels pointless. The cold is making it so much worse because I’m not getting outside for exercise. I have chronic insomnia as well. Just endlessly ruminating and feeling what’s the point in anything.

I have just started feeling better after a few weeks of being anxious and having that impending doom feeling. Forcing myself to do more has helped me.

@Writingonthewalls snap! I feel exactly the same constantly irritated, low and knackered. Endlessly ruminating and worrying. Exhausted but can't sleep.

I think what makes it worse for me is that DH thinks it is fantastic the kids have left home. He finds it all easier and less stressful. He has hobbies that he has managed to maintain for thirty years, men manage to prioritise themselves don't they. He runs, it has caused lots of fights especially when the kids were small but it has worked out for him now.

I have a business,I volunteer go to classes and have friends but, everything feels so crap and pointless. I feel like a middle aged cliche and I don't know how to shake out of this rut and find purpose and enjoyment again.

We need a miserable women's retreat!!!

It really helps to hear that others feel the same. I feel ashamed of feeling like this and haven’t really got anyone to talk to about it. OH prioritises himself definitely. He’s pleased we don’t have them living at home and finds their visits a strain even though he loves them.
If they have problems he doesn’t get overly upset or dwell on things.
I imagine once women would have found comfort in their community with others in the same position. The other women would have known their children so they could share news and feel supported. We are living in a very unnatural way now. It leads to a lot of isolation and depression . In fact children stayed close to home not that long ago so there wouldn’t be the same sense of empty nest. Daughters would be living down the road with grandchildren

A retreat would be great!

Feeling totally fed up today. DD and DM have separate issues and I'm feeling the brunt of it. Meanwhile DH just dozes and wonders what all the fuss is about. Makes me soo mad

DM has cancer and DD is autistic and I'm peace maker

DD and DH clashed and I end up stuck in the middle

@Writingonthewalls it certainly does help knowing other women are finding this stage difficult. It is such a huge change that it shouldn't surprise us that it is hard. Oh yes to men prioritising themselves, my DH is the same re the children whereas I worry and mother them.

Where will our retreat be then? What would our dream itinerary be? Sleeping for me xx

@longpathtohappiness poor you stuck in the middle. Everyone dumps on me too and expects me to sort all their crap. Can you leave DD and DH to sort it out? Go to another room and refuse to become embroiled? Not easy I know x

Haha!! Somewhere with lovely walks, log fires, lovely food and great chat . Preferably lots of wildlife too .

Writingonthewalls
A retreat sounds fabulous 😊

Spent a long weekend with truculent teen and absent husband.

DD away and having a brilliant time (as/she should be) but big empty space left at home.

What will it be when truculent teen leaves and me and husband have even less to discuss 😞

Hadn't realised how much I enjoyed her company 😢

@Writingonthewalls come to my house I can offer all that I'm on an island in the Scottish Highlands! Xx

Sounds ideal!

@Writingonthewalls excellent see you soon!!!

Can i come too, a retreat sounds perfect

Someone needs to organise it!

Absolutely! A retreat count me in!

Fantastic lots of ladies for our retreat!!!!

Maybe rent a big house for a long weekend?