Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Son has moved out

137 replies

Superangry · 24/07/2023 12:24

So devastated my 21 year old son moved out on Saturday into his girlfriend’s parents house. What a totally unexpected curve ball!!! I don’t know her parents or even met her, don’t even know we’re they live just the general direction. Something feels totally off !! And I can’t figure out what it is, I can’t stop crying 😭

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 24/07/2023 12:26

Why haven’t you met her?

Singleandproud · 24/07/2023 12:32

On way hand he's an adult, on the other a curve ball like that is strange.

Have they been together long? Are they of a similar age? Has he any vulnerabilities? Could she be pregnant?

If it's all above board then invite them round or organise a meal out to meet each other you, DS and the gf at least wouldn't be unreasonable.

Keep his room available and the line of communication open should he want to return.

Original poster
Superangry · 24/07/2023 18:07

Hi have told him he can come home at any time he still has his key to come and go.
I just can’t get my head around it and have a feeling that something else is behind this all.
we haven’t argued and have had a very good relationship just can’t understand why he would behave the way he has

OP posts:
Ecclesfreckles · 24/07/2023 18:11

Do you have an issue that he's moved out of your home, or that he's moved in with a gf you've never met (i.e would you have been happy if you had met her)?

He's 21 - he was never going to be able to live at home forever (and it wouldn't be good for his development or his dating life either). Surely it's better to share with a gf than a grotty flat share?

Ecclesfreckles · 24/07/2023 18:12

Oh just seen it's his gf's PARENTS house. Ok, that is weird. Do they have a much bigger and more private space?

Fiddlerdragon · 24/07/2023 18:14

Ecclesfreckles · 24/07/2023 18:11

Do you have an issue that he's moved out of your home, or that he's moved in with a gf you've never met (i.e would you have been happy if you had met her)?

He's 21 - he was never going to be able to live at home forever (and it wouldn't be good for his development or his dating life either). Surely it's better to share with a gf than a grotty flat share?

Presumably that he didn’t even tell her he was moving? Adult or not, I’d imagine it was a hell of a shock for the op’s child to move out without warning after being at home for 21 years. I’d also be questioning how long did he know and why nothing was mentioned. It does feel off, like there’s something to hide about it.

Dillydollydingdong · 24/07/2023 18:14

Calm down, it's normal for a 21 year old to move out. The only thing he hasn't done is to let you know, which it would have been polite to do. I'm sure he'll be in touch soon. Try not to worry.

Hbh17 · 24/07/2023 18:16

Good for him! He's 21 - it's time. And hopefully this is just a staging post to him (or them) getting his (their) own place.

Ecclesfreckles · 24/07/2023 18:16

Fiddlerdragon · 24/07/2023 18:14

Presumably that he didn’t even tell her he was moving? Adult or not, I’d imagine it was a hell of a shock for the op’s child to move out without warning after being at home for 21 years. I’d also be questioning how long did he know and why nothing was mentioned. It does feel off, like there’s something to hide about it.

Show quote history

He didn't tell her presumably because he knew she'd react badly (as she has) and he didn't want an argument or to have to explain himself.

Yolo12345 · 24/07/2023 18:16

Maybe her parents are out more often so they can have sex more easily...

lemonyellows · 24/07/2023 18:17

Why haven't you met his girlfriend?

Polik · 24/07/2023 18:18

Who your adult children shack up with is none of your business.

It would have been good manners to tell you first, but that's all

pinkyredrose · 24/07/2023 18:20

How long have they been together?

HarrietSchulenberg · 24/07/2023 18:40

Her parents' house is probably bigger, or they have a bigger room, or it's closer to town or something.

Original poster
Superangry · 24/07/2023 20:10

Not long 6 months maybe

OP posts:
Original poster
Superangry · 24/07/2023 20:11

Honestly don’t no , don’t no where it is everything’s a big secret

OP posts:
Original poster
Superangry · 24/07/2023 20:12

As a matter of fact I think it is since this is his first girlfriend, not knowing where your son is living isn’t very nice

OP posts:
WunWun · 24/07/2023 20:12

Behave what way? Wanting to live with his girlfriend?

Original poster
Superangry · 24/07/2023 20:14

Ecclesfreckles how do you know how am feeling. Do you know who/ where your child is . He may be 21 but it’s still nice to be told where he is living

OP posts:
Original poster
Superangry · 24/07/2023 20:15

It’s the way he has gone about it, I know nothing about this girl or her family

OP posts:
Tilllly · 24/07/2023 20:16

Oh no!
That's a thoughtless unkind thing to do

How did he tell you?

Don't do anything now, leave it a few days, wait for him to contact you

TomatoSandwiches · 24/07/2023 20:16

He is 21, he can move out if he wants to, it would have been kinder to let you know beforehand but maybe a pp was right and he did it because he knew you wouldn't react very well...

isthesolution · 24/07/2023 20:17

Can you ask?

Invite the girlfriend over for a meal?

It does sound odd that he's been in a serious enough relationship to want to live with her and you haven't met her.

Original poster
Superangry · 24/07/2023 20:18

Tilllly I tried to phone him he wouldn’t pick up I then texted him after he had left the house as to wat was going on
he said he was moving out

OP posts:
orangeleavesinautumn · 24/07/2023 20:19

are you sure his partner is a girl? If his partner is male, would he be open about it?