Son has moved out

[Superangry]

So devastated my 21 year old son moved out on Saturday into his girlfriend’s parents house. What a totally unexpected curve ball!!! I don’t know her parents or even met her, don’t even know we’re they live just the general direction. Something feels totally off !! And I can’t figure out what it is, I can’t stop crying 😭

It's really hard for anyone to comment that without knowing you.

Are you outspoken about race, nationality, socioeconomic status, wokeness, religion, vegans, age gaps, people with disabilities, estate agents etc?

Maybe it's actually a boyfriend?

Does he generally feel like you try to pry into his life more than he is comfortable with?

Isthesolution yes I know it’s very odd she sat outside in car and he went out to her, has never mentioned about meeting her it’s as if he wants 2 separate lives

So when you said 'Oh it would be lovely to meet x, why don't you ask her over for dinner' what did he say?

This was my first thought also.

Living in with partner at 21 isn't unusual. However the secrecy is odd if you have a normal relationship usually

WunWun nope am fairly laid back mum

Orangleavesinaitumn very much a girl

Do you generally get on with him or is their a bit of friction?

Titchy he never replied

*there ffs.

Tomato sandwiches we have a great relationship, when he started going with this girl he got very secretive and would only answer in a word if I asked him anything, we are very close normally

where is his dad in all of this?
it is kind of odd, but then 21yr old boys can be. often times led by the penis before the brain.
i would push hard for a chat, not to prevent/stall/backtrack on the sudden move but for a bit more info and a smoother transition.

He hasn't been talking to you about his life for six months and you think you have a great relationship?

Is she a decade older with a kid already? Any chance at all there's something unusual about the relationship HE thought you'd be judgey over?

Honestly then I'd just say that you are upset he is moving out but if he is happy then that's the main thing.

Then invite him to tea in a week or so. Say the girlfriend is welcome to come. And just try and keep a relationship with him.

I’d be concerned too if he was my son, you must be worried and upset, he should at least have let you know where he’s living. All you can do now is to try and keep in touch with him. Do you not know any of his mates, do they regularly come round to yours, haven’t they said anything? It does seem strange if you have a close relationship.

Maybe she's older than him? so keeping it secret? Seems odd.

What in six months of living with you, and you presumably talking to him about his dates, where they went, did they have a good time, and you suggesting he ask her over he was silent throughout. Really? Or did you not really talk about his relationship, which suggests you don't have that great a relationship.

greenspacesforpeace his dad left when he was 12 weeks old and so not in the picture, he never bothered to contact him

Laurie fairy cake we do have a great relationship normally but he changed when he met her, no there’s no children involved and she would be a little older than him by a year or so

I think it's quite common for young men that age to get completely besotted with someone and not make good decisions. All you can do is keep the pathway of communication open. Send him a message every day just saying something cheerful about what you're doing. After a few days, ask if he wants to pop round one day for some dinner. Even if he says no to that, just keep going with those cheerful messages, even though your teeth are gritted! Play the long game with this one. Don't criticise his girlfriend or her family at all, even though you must desperately want to. Just act like all this is completely normal. I really feel for you, but soon you will feel much better about this and I don't think it will be too long before he's back at home.

CheshireCat1 yes am very upset, confused as to why he is not confiding in me about where he is living am presuming because it is his girl’s parents house. Have been chatting to him a bit tonight by text and he said he would call up during the week, I’ve even offered to pick him up as a way to see where he is living but he’s told me no 🤷‍♀️

Titchy of course we talked about were they went, they went to nightclubs, walks in forest and local seaside towns

He sounds in love.

I guess you're feeling pushed out?

I'd also be worried - it's the change of behaviour. Mine is a couple of years younger. Mine struggles to communicate when he goes to his dad's. He finds the whole transition really tricky. So I keep communication (in our situation) involving replies to a minimum, but I will share silly memes or bits on facebook or photos of the pets. I might email local news/gossip. If post arrives and it's not obviously a bank statement or something - I'll let him know. So none of it is pressure, but it is a reminder that I am there and we still share things together.

Determinedtimskethiswork he said he would call up during the week, I think my teeth will be like stumps!!! I so hope you are right that he will be home soon