Thread 43 - GCSE Covid Cohort ..November 22 Remember Remember

[OrangeCinnamonLatte]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had

Previous Thread

My eyesight ! Thought that was flowers 💐

@Zebracat you have to do what’s right for you too. You’ve already gone above and beyond. I hope she decides to stick it out, but if she doesn’t, she will still have learned such a lot from her time with you and the stability you’ve provided.

@Fiddlersgreen you’ve reminded me of another reason we wanted dd to choose Leicester! That’s so cheap, even in comparison to Nottingham which isn’t exactly expensive.

Dd has booked private halls in Cardiff for next year (Unite) she can be released if she finds someone to take the room on/ or they fill it. Not far from where your Dd is currently @Paddington ..Cambrian.

She is struggling this reading week. Being home makes her realise how much she doesn't like her halls...they are far out. Course has been slow to get going (and now on Reading week) not much friendship making going on, on actual course.

The girls in her flat have ganged up and told her they are looking for a house together but not with her..🙄

Fingers crossed it gets a bit better. Accommodation looks nice and she was so desperate for an ensuite and to be nearer the Uni. At least it is sorted for Sept 23 if she needs it.

Thanks @OrangeCinnamonLatte! And all you other lovelies, love a bunch of dead leaves , me, got some on my mantelpiece right now! Sure I will feel better tomorrow.
Your dds issues are similar, but she isn’t lying to herself about what the issue is, If ours said I’m jealous and lonely and have no friends, we could work with it.
I am so tired, feel really old. 40 years of hands on parenting except for 1 glorious year. Ds2 is away this weekend, so Dh and I have 2 nights on our own. Thrilling. We’re going to turn off phones, eat crap and have a rest from all of them.

Hats off to you @Zebracat you sound like you've done an amazing job over the years. Time to think about yourself now. You've set DD on the right path and it's up to her if she follows it or not. There is only so much you can do for her. And you've already done that and so much more.

I'm not impressed with DD tonight. She text me to say £160 per week for 2nd year house, is that good? I said no and will depend if bills Included it not. Look at the links I sent you on Monday.. "which email" both!! She said her friendship group have decided to look for accommodation at that price so she has to go along with it! I was really hoping it Would be cheaper next year not more expensive!! I have no idea how much she needs to budget for bills if not included @crazycrofter I know you asked too. I've discussed with DH and he agrees we will not be giving any more than tipping up to max loan as this year so she will have to use her own money or get a job if needed. Not impressed with her at all. I said if she is with people with a lot more money than her (us) she needs to change groups (that won't happen)

Zebra

Heifer I have had many texts with ds tonight re accommodation. There are 6 of them and they want Lenton, for Jubilee site where accountancy is.

Dd is also adamant that they want to live in the Lenton 'triangle' @Oblomov22 @heifer and that's non-negotiable. But they don't necessarily need a 'really nice' house. I assume the Lenton triangle is the area to the east of the Jubilee campus where the main roads form a triangle? Two of dd's hall friends have already secured houses with other friends for £150 a week! I told dd that was far too much and I've found some cheaper ones - although Beeston seems to be much cheaper than Lenton.

Apparently 'everyone' says that Lenton is the sociable area to live, so there's no way dd will consider living anywhere else.

It has to be Lenton for DD to as it's closer to the medical centre and science labs, also won't consider anywhere else!! There are some decent ones for £130-£140 including all bills do minuses why DD thinks she needs £160pw..

Do minuses should be no idea (fat thumbs in small
Mobile)

Apparently according to one university it’s “Wobble Week”. That certainly bears out amongst people I know.

Ds was much more chipper tonight and full of plans for things. I tentatively asked if he should start thinking about accommodation for next year as Unipol housing opens on 19th Nov and he told me someone from his course is in a 3 person flat in a private halls and she wants to stay there with another friend and he’s thinking of joining them.

Crazy ds doesn't care if the house is nice. He'll go for the cheapest Lenton option I'm sure.

I've just been googling accommodation in Bristol. Generally they appear to be £155 upward excluding bills

@Oblomov22 @Heifer @crazycrofter I think we need to get our students together to live in a cheap house together. I've seen some for £85!!

Same here, which is why I’ve been AWOL recently.
zebra, I’ve had EXACTLY this conversation with DD tonight, as has DH this afternoon.
According to her, everything’s going wrong and she wants to come home; her friends hate her, she can’t keep up with work, she’s on the wrong course, she can’t find balance in her life.
This has become a recurrent theme. She completely falls apart at the first sign of things getting a bit tricky, mostly because of anxiety from ADHD.
Like you, I’ve told her to talk to her personal tutor, talk to her flatmates, do something to help herself; she won’t do any of those things but has at least calmed down just from me messaging her and talking her down, which makes me think she needs CBT to help her help herself.

Im completely exhausted by it, so you and piggy have my empathy.

I’m having to do all of that stuff too.
DD came home for 5 days last week and I wrote out a very detailed 2 week meal plan, down to which day to cook what, when to defrost stuff, what to do with leftover ingredients etc AND shopped for all the food for her to go back with.
Every night this week, I’ve had to talk her through cooking it.
When we took her back on Sunday, we ended up tidying her room and scrubbing her bathroom, which was covered in mould because she hasn’t cleaned the shower at all and has been keeping the bathroom door and her bedroom window shut.

Sorry to hear about the struggling girls.

@Fiddlersgreen I keep meaning to ask whether DS is happy with his choice of Leicester - as I was one of the people giving a positive review when you asked I would like to know whether it feels like the right choice now! Impressed by the price of accommodation, Sheffield similar, most places a lot more! @NCTDN yes, Bristol is expensive, but maybe not as bad as London, Durham, St Andrews and possibly Bath.

@OrangeCinnamonLatte Cambrian is very close to DDs current halls, think it’s just the other side of the railway. Unite has been great and have nothing but positive reviews from both DD and others.

@Zebracat and @Alsoplayspiccolo

DD also been having a wobble, phoned in tears last week so badly crying that I couldn’t understand what she was even saying but finally got out of her that she was struggling with some members of staff even though she has a support plan saying she has difficulties and they were telling her off in front of others about things that she can’t help as she has ADHD. I helped her compose an email to student services and she went and spoke to them who have then helped her thankfully. Another phone call earlier this week about housing and everyone not including her and then again about being overwhelmed. On the good news front and even though it’s taken just over a month but SFE have finally agreed to change both DDs mentors to in person (has previously been a phone call or nothing at all for study skills) at student services. Hopefully this will help her get back on track.

Sorry to hear of all the struggles. It does sound emotionally draining.

Mummy, £85? Seriously?

I’m sorry to hear about the struggles too. There are so many things to possibly go ‘wrong’ in our young peoples’ minds. A new location, cohort, subjects, way of life. It’s no wonder it causes such anxiety. In fact it should be more surprising when there are no issues. I really hope that with time the dramas iron out. I did find that DD1, who was mainly trouble free at uni, would sometimes drop an emotional bomb during a phone call. I would then worry away, not hear from her for a while, only to be told a week later, “ Oh it’s all alright now.” Kids!!!

I know. It is what it is. The daft thing is that when dd looked at Durham, we thought house prices were affordable and the plan had been to buy a house for her second and third years and rent out the other rooms. There was no way we could do this with Bristol.

So how can Durham landlords charge so much?

So sorry to hear about the struggles some of them are having, it is mentally draining coping with it 🌷

DS has now finally had a blood test and first counselling session which he rebooked so a positive sign. He’s also agreed it would be sensible to approach some driving instructors to go on waiting list. One has just advertised spaces but I think that’s a bit soon and would like more reviews. DD is back for a couple of days which is lovely. We’ve seen so much more of her since we moved.

@Oblomov22 a quick searchon Unipol just found two 4 bed houses for £80 - Dunkirk (next to Lenton I think) and Beeston (lots of shops and pubs).

@PaddingtonPaddington @Zebracat @Alsoplayspiccolo

Sorry to hear of fellow sufferers. DD doesn't seem to be questioning being at uni, which is a positive. And things were beginning to improve before the boyfriend bombshell at the beginning of the week.

A good sign though - she went out for a drink at a campus bar last night with some people she met in a group chat before she started. I think it's probably only the second/third time she's been out for a drink since she started. I don't know how it went yet - hopefully she didn't drink too much. She really hasn't had much experience with alcohol, especially when she was so down to start with.